Ego Brain
by Blue Grunge Kitten
Summary: "You see my pain is real. Watch my world dissolve. And pretend that none of us see the fall." Jade is in pieces underneath the surface after her break up with Beck. But with the help of newcomer Shiloh, maybe she can pick up those pieces and put herself back together again. Maybe she'll make a new friend. Maybe she'll find something more. Jade/OC/Beck Rated M for future chapters.
1. Zippidy Doo Dah

**AN:** This fanfic takes place after Worst Couples. It's based off of the song Ego Brain by System of a Down.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters accept for Seth/Shiloh.

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**Jade POV**

"Class, direct your attention to the door behind all of you. We have a new student joining us today. New student, would you mind settling on stage and introducing yourself?" Sikowitz dashed over to the young man standing in the doorway, grabbed his shoulders, and pushed him to the stage. He s wearing a green baseball cap, loose ripped jeans, and a buttoned up flannel that appeared to be a few sizes too large on him. He wasn't too tall, standing only at 5'7", but his slender figure made him seem taller. He wore a confident smirk on his face and his dark eyes traveled the classroom, as if he were searching for something. He cracked his neck before stepping up onto the stage.

"Why hello there, my new classmates," he said brightly with a gruff, scratchy voice. He smiled brightly. I just knew he'd turn out to be one of those overly happy people. Gross. "Let me say I look forward to getting to know each and everyone of you," he continued, smile stretching at each word. It was sickening. "My name is Seth  
Holloway and let me tell you, I love this school already. I just moved to Hollywood, so forgive me if I don't fit in right away. A guy can only try." Try too hard is more like it.

I wasn't paying anymore attention to what's-his-name. I was more concerned with cutting up the cover of the spiral notebook I had on my lap. I was unaware of everything going on around me until Sikowitz called my name. I looked up to see the new kid, Cat, Vega, and Beck standing on stage and Sikowitz pointing to me, coconut in hand. He directed me to go on stage. I shoved the scissors and notebook into my bag and reluctantly carried my body onto the stage.

"Okay class," he started before sipping his straw. "Let's test out our newbie's skills, shall we, with a little ABC improve. You were put in this situation before, Tori, so why don't you explain it to our new student, um, hmm, uh," He seemed to have forgotten the new student's name already. Guess I wasn't the only one not impressed by his introduction.

Vega shook her head and directed her attention to the boy standing next to her. Unbelievable, she was probably an inch or so taller than him in her heals. She smiled at him and stated, "Well, Seth, alphabetical improve is when the scene starts with a letter and each actors' line must start with the next letter in the alphabet, whichever that may be. Say I was given the letter 'A'; the next actor's line would begin with 'B', and so on. Understand?"

Seth had a dull expression on his face, but he nodded as an answer.

Sikowitz sat down in a chair in the back of the classroom and nodded his head along. "Well, now that you understand, Seth, we can begin. So, Jade, why don't you start us off with the letter 'C'?"

I crossed my arms, nodded, and walked over to Vega and Seth. Seth had gone back to wearing his sickening smile. I leered at him and said, "Can you do anything other than smile?"

He showed off his pearly teeth and said, "Don't think I can when I'm this happy."

"Ew," was all I had to say before stepping away.

I heard Tori behind me say, "Forget her, she's just being a gank." I turned back around.

"Tori, Jade's not a gank," Cat said in my defense. It was nice of her, but she really should've kept it to herself.

Sikowitz mimicked a buzzer and shouted, "Cat, you're out! Beck, continue with the letter 'G'!"

"Gank or not, Tori, you have a point. Jade, you should be kinder to our new classmate," said Beck, trying to bring the peace. I glared at him.

"Hey, guys, I really don't mind. She can be as mean as she wants to be," stated Seth submissively.

Vega crossed her arms and said, "I don't see how that's fair."

I marched back over toward them and said triumphantly, "Just deal with it, Vega. If he's cool with me being mean then why does it matter?"

"Killers are kinder than you, Jade," Beck grumbled from behind me.

Seth elbowed Vega playfully and said, "Looks like she's not the only one that killers are kinder than." He chuckled to himself while Vega stared at him awkwardly.

"Maybe you should watch what you say," she said quietly while staring at Beck. I followed her gaze and saw his eyebrows mush together in frustration.

I smirk and stepped between her and Seth. "No, I think Seth should say whatever he wants to."

"Of course you'd think so. You'd defend anyone who'd let you walk all over them," growled Beck. His arms were crossed now, too, and he was staring me down. Bad idea.

Seth squeezed himself between us and announce dramatically, "Please, can't we all just get along!" He waved his arms in the air for dramatic effect, when in reality it only made him look ridiculous. Amateur.

Beck directed his attention to Seth and snapped, "Quit with the nice guy act, already!" He shoved Seth gently, but Seth fell flat on his ass anyway.

I can't believe I actually thought Beck was being rude. He was a great actor, which even I had to admit. His amazing skills as an actor were one of the reasons I had fallen in love with him. No, I wasn't going to think about that. Beck and I were done. Over with.

Vega shook her head and said, "Really, Beck, did you have to shove him that hard?"

I smirked and pointed an accusing finger at Beck. "Shame on you for mistreating our new classmate," I scolded before placing my hands on my hips.

"Thanks a lot, Beck, I think I broke my tail bone," whimpered Seth from the floor. He stood up and rubbed his rear-end, acting like her was really in pain.

I almost laughed, but hid it with a fake cough. I poked Beck in the chest and shouted, "Unbelievable! How do you plan on fixing this one, Oliver?"

Vega leaned over to Seth and mumble, "Vicious, isn't she?" They both started laughing.

I rolled my eyes and glared at Beck. "Well, what do you have in mind?"

"X-rays?" he suggested. "Who knows if it's broken?"

Seth stood up straight and marched over to Beck. He looked up at the taller boy threateningly and growled, "You don't trust my own assessment of my bottom, sir?"

I could tell Beck was struggling to keep a straight face. Hell, I was having trouble myself. Vega, however, starting having a laughing fit and repeated the word "bottom." Sikowits imitated the buzzer again. Vega stepped off stage and slumped into a chair.

"Keep the scene going. Jade, you're up with the letter 'Z'," he stated, waving the coconut in the air.

Shit, this was a problem. I couldn't think of a word. I decided to interrupt to boys. Throwing my hands in the air and faking a smile, I shouted, "Zippidy doo dah!" Both of them stared at me like I was crazy.

Beck chuckled and placed the back of his hand on my forehead while asking, "Are you feeling okay, Jade?"

I smacked his hand away and stepped back. "Back off, Oliver, I'm fine. Maybe you should be more worried about Seth, considering you broke his tail bone."

Seth put a reassuring hand on my shoulder before saying, "Chill, I've got this one." I saw him wink at Beck before throwing a fake punch.

Beck hit the ground and rubbed his chin where Seth pretended to hit him. "Damn, you throw quite the punch." He stood up and tackled Seth. The whole class gasped and stared in astonishment as Beck pretended to beat up Seth.

I groaned and shouted, "Enough, you two! As hilarious at this is, Beck, I don't want to see you go to jail for beating this kid up."

"French fries," croaked Seth from underneath Beck.

Beck looked at me then back and Seth. "What?" he asked, not understanding Seth. That fool.

Sikowitz stood from his seat, kicked the chair, and made the buzzer noise. "Beck, you were supposed to start your line with the letter "G", but you didn't. You're out of here! Jade, Seth, you may also take your seats. Seth, outstanding performance, as should be expected from a relative of mine," he stated with a large smile.

Everyone, even I, stared at Seth. I wondered if he was a lunatic, too. I shrugged and took my seat between Cat and André.

Sikowitz stood on stage next to Seth and whispered something in his ear. Seth nodded and walked out of the classroom from the door behind the two of them.

"Wait, are you two really related?" asked Vega.

Sikowitz nodded. "What, you couldn't see the resemblance?" he asked.

Before anyone could say anything else, a young girl walked into the classroom. She had long black hair pulled up in a ponytail revealing the sides of her head to be buzzed. Her bangs were crimson red and framed her face, which looked very familiar. She was wearing a baggy, white t-shirt with black jeans shorts. She smirked and waved at the class. "Hello there," she said in a voice that sounded just like Seth's.

"Oh my God," I stated while the rest of the class stared at her in disbelief. I can't believe she had us all fooled into thinking she was a boy. I can't believe she fooled me. I guess she wasn't an amateur actor after all.

She and Sikowitz both started cackling. Sikowitz hugged her to his side with one arm and stated, "Class, this is my niece, Shiloh Hawthorne. I'm happy to announce that she will be attending Hollywood Arts from now on." He patted her back.

Shiloh picked up the chair her uncle kicked over and took a seat in it, right behind me. The bell rang and people crowded her, critiquing her performance as a male.

I left immediately and headed to the Asphalt Café. It was lunch time, meaning it was time to sit next to people I didn't like and eat food that was inedible. Zippidy doo dah indeed.


	2. Charming

**AN: ****And here comes chapter two! Longer chapters will be coming up as the story grows. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. I only own the idea for the story and the character Shiloh.**

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**Shiloh's POV**

I was surrounded. Trapped. All of my new classmates were surrounding me asking hundreds of different questions all at once. I couldn't make out anything anyone was saying. I shrank to the ground and crawled out of the door. Once I made my escape, I took a deep breath. I picked up my school bag from the floor outside the classroom. It's where I had stuffed "Seth's" clothes before outing myself as a female.

Just before I could take off, Tori, Cat, Beck, and two of their friends, a dark skinned guy with dreads and a tall skinny nerd with a puppet, ran out of the classroom after me. Cat grabbed my arm and said, "Wow, Shiloh, you were amazing."

I nodded and pulled away from her. "Yeah, thanks, um, can I go get food before you all attack me with conversation? Please?" I asked as calmly as possible. In reality, I was anxious and annoyed. I hated being surrounded by people. I was only into performing for the fun of it. Never would I want to be famous. I wouldn't be able to handle the attention.

Cat nodded her head and, along with her friends, directed me to the Asphalt Café. She pointed at a round table and shouted, "Look! Jade's already here." The short girl ran over to the table and sat next to Jade.

Beck patted my back and said, "Let's get some food. The Grub Truck is this way." He walked me to a large truck with a foreign man passing food out to students. Beck ordered a burger while I settled on a salad. We sat at the table and soon the others joined. I was stuck between Beck and Jade. The boy with the puppet sat between Cat and the guy with the dreads. Tori sat on the other side of Beck.

Jade wasn't eating. She was scribbling furiously in a spiral notebook, but what it was I couldn't tell. Without looking up from her paper, she hissed, "What is she doing here?"

I slumped in my seat.

"We invited her to have lunch with us, to get to know her better," explained Cat.

"Come on, Jade, don't be such a sour puss. I'm André, by the way. Nice to meet you, Shiloh," said the dark skinned guy with a smile.

"I'm Robbie and this is Rex," said the one with the puppet.

"Hey, Shiloh, are you into sports? Because you're fine enough to join Rex's all hot chick volleyball squad," said the puppet in a flirty voice.

I just stared at it in disbelief. I then looked at Robbie and shook my head.

Tori tried melting the ice. "So, Shiloh, tell us a little about yourself. Do you just act, or do you have other talents."

I smiled softly and said, "Yeah, I've got a lot more. I don't just act. I also sing and as of lately I've been writing songs. Other talents include: holding my breath for over four minutes, cooking and baking, and painting."

Cat clapped her hands and said, "You should sing something for us then."

I shook my head.

Jade looked up from her notebook and closed it. She raised an eyebrow and asked, "What, are you afraid or something. You shouldn't have anything to be afraid of if singing is one of your talents."

What she said made sense. I shouldn't be afraid if I can do it. I just didn't want to sing in front of all of these people I just met. I cleared my throat and said, "I don't want to sing."

Jade rolled her eyes and looked away from me.

Beck smiled at me and said, "It's okay. You don't have to if you don't want to. So tell us more about yourself. What are some of your hobbies?"

I thought for a moment. I didn't want to tell them but words fell out of my mouth anyway. " Some of my hobbies consist of reading horrifying murder mysteries, getting tattoos, driving around quiet neighborhoods early in the morning or late at night while blaring death metal in my car, seeing how long I can hold my breath for, playing violent video games, watching gory films, and smoking marijuana." When I finished my list everyone was looking at me with confused faces, except for Jade who was smirking.

"Tattoos?" Robbie Inquired.

I nodded my head. I turned around a lifted up my ponytail to show them a moon tattooed on the back of my neck. I faced everyone and explained, "I have a total of seven tattoos, but that's the only one I can show you."

"And you smoke weed?" question Tori.

I nodded again and asked, "Is there something wrong with that?"

"Not at all," said Beck and Jade in unison. That earned them a lot of strange looks from their friends. I looked between them to catch the now glaring at each other.

"So," started André, "Sikowitz is your uncle. That's got to be crazy." He smiled genuinely.

"Oh, you have no idea," I stated. "My mom would always tell me insane stories about him before we moved here. I've got to say, Hollywood is a lot different from Seattle."

There was an awkward silence. Cat interjected saying, "This one time, my brother,"

"No!" shouted Jade, causing me to flinch and Cat to shut up.

"Jade," she whispered.

"What?" growled the other girl. I flinched again at the anger in her voice.

Cat sniffled and stated, "Maybe you should calm down. You're startling Shiloh."

Jade turned her attention to me, sharp blue eyes ripping into my own, like she was staring at my soul. "You don't have a problem with my attitude, do you, Shiloh?" she asked, pale eyes demanding an answer from me and threatening that it better be a good one.

I gulped and brushed some red strands of hair behind my left ear. I smirked at her and said, "Actually, Jade, I find your abrasiveness to be quite endearing. You're charming in your own special way, as hateful as it comes off as."

She smirked and turned to Cat, stating, "See, Shiloh likes my attitude."

"Of course she does," Beck grumbled, rolling his eyes at her.

I picked at my untouched salad and tried to calm down from the fright Jade had given me. I finally took my first bite when the bell chimed.

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_After school_

I was unlocking the front door of my beat up, black 97' Mustang when Beck came running over to me. I opened the door and smiled, "Hey, Beck."

He whistled and placed a hand on the roof of my car. "Nice car you've got there. Is it yours?" he asked.

"No, I just happen to have the keys and am about to drive it. Yes, Beck, it's my car," I said with a laugh.

He laughed along and smirked. Running a hand through his thick hair, he inquired, "So, Shiloh, what are you doing this weekend? I figured we should get to know each other more, maybe over dinner or a movie?" He flashed me a charming smile.

I shook my head. Beck had been kind to me all day and according to all the girls at school he was a heart throb, but he wasn't my type. No guy was my type. "I'd love to as friends with a group of other people, but not alone or on a date. Sorry, Beck, you're not my type," I explained with a chuckle. I looked behind him to see Jade glare at us before getting into her vehicle.

He raised an eyebrow at me and looked behind him, but Jade had already driven off. "Wow, you're probably the first girl to turn me down. And what do you mean, I'm not your type?" he questioned, voice taking up an offended tone.

I laughed some more. "Why does it matter?"

"It matters because you barely know me and have already decided that I can't be your type. How do you know that if you don't know me?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

I smiled softly at him and said, "Allow me to let you in on a secret, Beck. I know for a fact that you aren't my type because I'm not into guys, understand?" He was speechless. I took this as an opportunity and sat down in the driver's seat, starting up my car. Man, did I love hearing that baby purr.

Before I closed the door Beck held it open and asked, "Wait, does that mean you're a lesbian?"

I scoffed and said, "Give the boy a medal; he can put two and two together. That equals four, sir, in case you didn't know. Now, I've got to go, so let go of my door before I close it on your hand." With that he released his hold and I slammed the door shut, happy to drive away.

The drive home was a long one that I wasn't looking forward to now that I had so much to think about. I hoped it wasn't a mistake telling Beck about my sexuality. It's not like I try to hide it or anything, I just didn't want everyone to know so soon. I already talked about it with Uncle Erwin, and he reassured me no one would mind it. I just hoped he was right.


	3. Hostility

**AN: Here you all are, chapter three. I'm really glad people are enjoying this. I'll try my hardest to keep up with the speeding updates. Thank you all for the reviews. **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Victorious and probably wouldn't want to. I sure can't entertain as well as Dan can.

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**Jade's POV**

I was getting a few books out of my locker when I overheard a voice I made sure to remember say, "Good morning, Mr. Hollywood Arts Heartthrob." I slammed my locker shut, shaking the scissors stuck to it. I turned to see Shiloh smiling up at Beck. To make matters worse she was wearing a quite low-cut red t-shirt that was tight to her skin and a black mini-skirt with fishnet stocking. That flirty little slut.

Beck was staring at her starkly. He cleared his throat and tried his hardest to look away from her body when he greeted her, "Oh, hey there, Shiloh." He smiled casually and ran a hand through his wonderful hair.

Ugh! Stop thinking like that, West! You're over him, remember?

I put on a fake smile and marched over to the two of them. I gave Beck a knowing look and said, "Why hello there you two. Great day isn't it?" I took a large sip from my foam coffee cup as Beck stared at me curiously.

"Jade, you're scaring me," he stated calmly.

Shiloh looked between us in confusion.

"I scare everybody," I pointed out. It was the truth and I was proud to admit it.

Shiloh just shrugged and said, "You don't scare me."

My smile fell and I stared at her directly in the eye. Her dark eyes seemed endless, but I continued staring, searching for some sign of hidden fear. A growl escaped my throat and I barked, "Is that a challenge?"

Beck smirked at Shiloh and chuckled, "Jade, I think you should cut the girl some slack. You've known her for a day."

I turn my anger out on him and noted, "Well you didn't even know her for a day before you started hitting on her."

He wasn't fazed. Instead, he took a challenging step forward and remarked, "Why do you care if I hit on other girls? We aren't dating anymore."

I noticed Shiloh shrink back. She probably felt awkward being caught in the middle of our unresolved hostility towards each other.

"Just because we're not together anymore, doesn't mean I want to see other girls be victimized by your charm and good looks," I testified. He really was quite egotistical with all the attention girls gave him.

He scoffed and said, "You're just jealous that since we broke up, I've been getting a lot of attention while no one has paid you any mind. Hell, even Sinjin has been backing off. Maybe that's a sign, Jade."

I stepped toward him and leered into his beautiful, brown orbs, trying my hardest to stay strong and furious. "A sign of what?" I asked with a snarl.

He defensively took a step back, backing into the lockers behind him. Pointing a finger at me, he claimed, "Maybe it's a sign that you're unlovable. Face it, you're nothing without me." He stated it in a matter of fact tone.

I was seconds away from pulling a shiny pair of sharp scissors from my waistband and cutting his pretty face up, but his words struck me. Hard. He was right. He was the only guy to ever show any romantic interest in me. The only person to ever show interest. That's not including Sinjin because he's a fucking creep. I was turning my options over in my head. I could storm off before he saw how much his words had really affected me, or I could keep arguing with him. I had to admit it, though, I had already lost. Tears were threatening to bubble at any second.

Just before I took off running, Shiloh kneed Beck in the groin and he went face down into the fetal position onto the floor. "And here I thought you were a gentleman. I may not know what happened with you two to make you so hostile, but that's some pretty fucked up shit to say, Beck," she stated in a calm manner.

I just stared at her in disbelief before huffing and puffing and stomping away. I wanted to thank her, but right now I had too many emotions to release. I slammed open the door to the girls' restroom.

Two girls were fixing their hair and make-up in the mirrors when they caught sight of me. I don't know what expression was on my face, but it made them both speed out of the restroom in terror.

I kicked open a stall with my heavy boot and locked the door behind me. My whole body was trembling. I leaned against the stall door and slammed the back of my head into. Tears were falling now and I couldn't stop them. I was more than thankful that I'd chosen against wearing mascara today. I pulled out my favorite pair of scissors from my waistband and stared at them. I gulped and rolled up the long sleeve of the red thermal I was wearing today. White lines were scattered all over my left arm. A few more wouldn't be a problem. I opened the scissors and pressed the blade to the inside of my arm. I pushed hard and slid the blade. One was enough for now. I put the scissors back where they belonged and waited for the fresh, red blood to bubble up and slither down my arm, to my wrist, hand, and fingertips. I watched until a single drop slipped and landed onto the tile floor. I took a deep breath and pressed some tissue paper on my new laceration. The bleeding stopped and I rolled down my sleeve.

Upon exiting the restroom, I notice the halls were empty. Class must've already started. I didn't care. I sat down on the steps and scribbling in one of my notebooks until it came time for Sikowitz's class.

I was one of the first to arrive, save for Cat and Shiloh. I took a seat behind them. Cat was telling Shiloh an insane story about her freak brother and Shiloh was politely listening to her attentively. More people came into the room and the bell rang when Cat turned around and announced, "Hey, Jade, Shiloh and I are going to get some ice cream after school today, wanna come with?" She had a huge smile on her face.

I looked at the two of them and sighed. "Sure, why not," I mumbled.

Cat clapped her hands and squealed, "Yay!" before turning back around and facing to front of the class.

Shiloh looked back at me, worry in her eyes.

I avoided her gaze and focused my attention on Sikowitz, whom of which was sitting upside down in a chair on stage. I rolled my eyes and decided now would be a good time to zone out.

Before I knew it, class was over. Cat shook my shoulder and asked, "Jadey, are you coming to lunch?"

I rolled my eyes at her nicknamed, which made Shiloh giggle. I grabbed my things and stood from my chair. Without answering her, I marched my way to our lunch table, secretly hoping Beck would sit somewhere else.

Shiloh and Cat joined me shortly. Both seemed to have brought lunch today. Day two and Shiloh already knows not the trust Festus's food. Smart girl. Cat pulled out a bag of candy while Shiloh took out a simple sandwich.

"Um, Cat, you're not really going to eat candy for lunch, are you?" Shiloh asked. She seemed a little disturbed by the peppy redhead's diet.

I smirked and stated, "Cat would eat candy for every meal if she could."

The short girl bounced in her seat and nodded in agreement before popping a gummy bear in her mouth.

Vega and André joined us shortly, André sat next to Cat and Vega sat next to Shiloh. I was in between Shiloh and Cat.

"So, Shiloh, Beck told us what you did this morning," stated André.

Shiloh's smile faded away. "Oh? And did he tell you what drove me to my actions?" she asked defensively.

Vega nodded. "Yeah, we're actually really surprised he said those things," she said sympathetically, casting me a glance.

André nodded in agreement and said, "So don't worry, we don't blame you." He turned to me with a worried look on his face.

I looked between him and Vega and shouted, "What?"

Both quickly turned away and directed their focus to the meals in front of them. Cat tried to hug me, but the look on my face changed her mind.

"Beck's an ass," mumbled Shiloh from beside me.

I raised an eyebrow and said, "Don't change your opinion of him just because of what happened this morning. Any hostility we have for each other has nothing to do with you or anyone else." I growled. I didn't need anyone's sympathetic pity. You can't spell sympathetic without "pathetic" after all.

She just looked at me and smiled softly. After a moment of silence passed by, she admitted, "I like you, Jade. You're honest and wise. You don't pretend to be nice. I appreciate that."

I smirked at her and said, "It's pointless to sugarcoat things. But just because I'm warming up to you, doesn't mean I'm not planning on scaring you shitless." I pointed at her with my scissors as a warning.

She shrugged and stated, "I told you, Jade, you don't scare me."

I let out a low chuckled. "Yet," I added before grabbing my things and leaving the table. Maybe Shiloh wouldn't make a bad addition to our little dysfunctional group after all. Hell, I finally have a challenge to work with.


	4. Bye Bye, Baby

**AN: This is my longest chapter and I know it probably drags on. Sorry about that. I hope you all enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious, Slipknot, or Otep.

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**Shiloh's POV**

Cat met up with me in the parking lot after school. She had texted Jade and explained that she'd meet up with us at the ice cream parlor. Just like Beck, Cat couldn't help but stare at my vehicle of choice. She smiled up at me and said, "Wow, Shiloh, I didn't know you were into sports cars. I bet this thing can go super fast!"

I smiled at her and said, "Yeah, but we're not breaking the speed limit just for ice cream." I opened the passenger seat for her and she hopped in. The small girl reminded me of a rabbit. It was adorable. It was easy to understand why everyone, even Jade, was fond of her.

I started up the car and the radio came on blaring what Cat liked to call, "loud and scary music." It seems that I forgot to take out my Slipknot CD. I turned down the dial so that the music was only background noise. I looked over to Cat to see her hands over her ears and a sad look on her face. I tapped her shoulder and said soothingly, "Cat, it's okay to uncover your ears. The scary music isn't loud anymore."

She nodded her head and removed her hands. After I started driving out of the parking lot, she started giggling. I glanced at her while still keeping my eyes on the road and asked, "What's so funny, Cat?"

She stopped giggling but still wore a huge smile on her face. "Oh, it's just that you and Jade have the same taste in music. Except you're a lot nicer and turn it down. Jade normally turns it up whenever I get in the car," she explained to me.

I nodded my head and kept my eyes on the road. With the help of Cat's directions we made it to the ice cream parlor, Ice Queen's Frozen Treats, in no time. Pulling into the parking lot, we saw Jade's car already parked.

I parked and we both exited the vehicle to see Jade grumpily waiting for us by the door. She had her arms crossed over her chest and look on her face stating she didn't want to be here. It made me wonder why she even agreed to come.

Cat took my arm and whispered in my ear, "Jade doesn't like ice cream that much. She says it reminds her of her childhood." I raised an eyebrow and Cat just nodded at me before dragging me to the entrance.

Jade was staring at us weirdly when we arrived. I slipped my arm out of Cat's vice-like grip. The girl really did enjoy human contact. I didn't. Jade rolled her eyes at us and, without a word, walked inside.

Cat and I followed. There wasn't a line when we entered so she decided to grab hold of me again and drag me to the front counter. I ordered a simple vanilla cone with two scoops. Cat ordered some outrageous ice cream called Everything Forever. This "flavor" was rainbow colored and had every topping available blended in with it. It was a very expensive frozen treat, but Cat paid for it and mine. I shook my head at her generosity and we both sat down where Jade had stalked off to. She didn't even get any ice cream.

I smiled at Cat, who was already stuffing her face, and assured, "Cat, you didn't have to pay for me. I have money."

She took a small break from her ice cream and stated, "Yeah, but you gave me the ride here so I owed you." She smiled brightly at me before attacking her ice cream again.

I took a small bite out of my ice cream and looked at Jade. I swallowed and asked, "So, Jade, you didn't want any ice cream?"

She didn't even look at me. All she did was shrug and mumble, "Nope."

I wanted to ask her why the hell she came then, but kept the question to myself and settled on enjoying my ice cream cone.

Once Cat finished her insane ice cream, her mouth was covered in the melted treat. Jade left the table and came back with napkins, shoving them toward Cat who instinctively grabbed one to wipe her mouth with. Jade sat back down and sighed.

Once she finished cleaning up, Cat shook Jade's arm and beamed, "Oh yeah, Jade, Shiloh listens to the same kind of music as you do. Shiloh, what band were we listening to on the way here, again?" She turned to me.

I took the last bite of my now empty cone and swallowed. "Oh, we were listening to Slipknot," I explained to the small girl.

Jade raised her pierced eyebrow at me. I shrugged.

"Oh, and Shiloh drives this super cool sports car, Jade," she explained excitedly.

"Really," Jade said in a very uninterested tone.

Cat nodded and hopped in her seat. I was beginning to think the girl had consumed too much sugar in one day. Her PearPhone sounded and she checked it right away. After looking at her phone and typing in a quick message, the red-head frowned.

"Hey, why the long face?" I asked sincerely.

Cat sighed and explained, "I have to go. My brother is in trouble again."

Jade groaned and pulled out her keys. "Okay, I'll bring you to save Shiloh the trouble. You're only a block away from my house anyway," she said before standing from her seat.

Cat shook her head and continued, "No, my mom is coming to get me. We need to go the hospital." Her frown grew as she stood from her seat. She gave me a tight hug and waved to Jade. "Bye!" she exclaimed cheerfully before sadly exiting the parlor.

I stretched and stood up. "So," I began, "want to check out my baby?" I smiled at Jade and gestured to the exit.

She shrugged and led the way to the parking lot.

We reached my car and I smirked. "So what do you think?" I asked her.

Jade just circled the car with judgment in her eyes. Her eyebrows creased together in thought. "I know this is an odd question, since we barely know each other, but could I take her for a spin? It is a her, right?" She asked, referring to the car.

I smiled brightly. "Yup," I assured her. "Here you go. You can take her for a spin and then we'll come back to the parking lot to pick up your car," I said, tossing my car keys at her.

She caught them with a smirk, rushing to the driver's seat.

We both go into the car and she started it. She sighed, "Now that's a pretty sound." I smirked, happy to know I wasn't the only one who loved to hear the purr of the engine. Man, did I love this car.

Jade turned up my radio all the way. She skipped to the last song on the CD, Scissors. "This has to be my favorite song," she said with a huge smirk.

"Why, because it's the longest?" I asked.

She shook her head and explained, "No, because the title of the song is Scissors and I love me some scissors." She then backed out of the parking lot and onto the road.

I eyed her curiously at her comment, but shrugged it off.

We drove around for a bit before Jade said anything else. She had slowed down now and we were on an empty street. She looked down at her lap for a second before looking back at the road. Chewing on her bottom lip, she mumbled, "So, you know what you did this morning, thanks for that." Her knuckles were turning whiter with how tight she was gripping the steering wheel. Her foot pressed harder on the gas and she sped back up, driving a little over the speed limit.

I looked out of the passenger window and explained, "This is hard for you, I can tell. You don't have to thank me. I just hate seeing men trying to beat down women, even if it isn't physical. I could tell what he said had affected you. The question is, how are you feeling now?" I asked, turning to face her now.

Jade's grip tightened more and I think she sped up again. Her eyebrows were creased and her eyes were fixed on the road. She growled, "Get this straight, nothing he said had any effect on me. Beck means nothing to me and his words mean even less. That asshole can say whatever the fuck he wants to. I know better than to let it hurt me. And I am no damsel in distress, you got that?" She turned to me and glared.

At the moment, I could have died. There was a loud smashing sound. Both of us jolted forward and the car stopped moving. It took me a few seconds to compose myself and realize what just happened. Jade had crashed my baby.

I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and jetted out of the vehicle. I ran to the front of the car that was smashed up against a stop sign. I stared at Jade whose face showed terror. I wanted to scream. This was my baby. And she wrecked it!

Jade quickly got out of the car and soon joined me. Shock was all over her face and she turned to me. "Shiloh, I am so sorry! I'll call a tow truck for you. I'll even pay to get this fix," she explained.

I glared at her and growled, "Oh you better. You did this so you better fucking fix it."

I know she wanted to scream at me for catching an attitude with her, but she knew I was right and kept her mouth shut. She walked away and called a tow truck for me. I, on the other hand, was pacing back and forth trying to figure out how to explain to my parents my car was totaled.

Jade came back and put her phone away. "So the tow truck is on its way now to pick up the car. Since I got you into this mess, why don't I give you a ride home?" she suggested angrily.

I nodded and snatched my car keys from her. "I just need to take something out of the car first," I explained before climbing into the passenger seat. I opened the glove compartment and retrieve a lighter, grinder, pipe, and pre-rolled joint. I closed it, got out, and slammed the door shut. I waved the joint and said, "I definitely need this, now." I sat down on the curb away from Jade and lit up the joint while we waited for the tow truck.

Jade just paced back and forth in front of me, her boots clicking on asphalt of the street with each step. After a few long minutes had passed, she groaned and sat down next to me. I figured she was just being very impatient.

I offered a hit to her and she took the joint right out of my hand. This only made me smirk. In fact, I started laughing to myself as she inhaled a few puffs. She only glared at me and handed the joint back. We continued to pass it back and forth until it finally went out. I pocketed the roach and we waited in silence for the tow truck.

"So, how long have you been smoking?" I asked her.

She shrugged and said, "For a few years now. Beck and I started sometime after we began dating. By the end of our relationship, though, it turned into the only thing we could do together without one of us getting pissed off at the other. I haven't touched the stuff since we broke up."

I patted her back and chimed, "Well, now you don't have to worry about him. You've got a new smoking buddy right here!"

I think I may have caught a smile on her face, but it went away as soon as the tow truck pulled up. She stood up and talked to the driver about what happened. I on the other hand sat patiently and waited. I stood up once the tow truck towed away my precious Mustang.

Jade started walking back to the ice cream parlor and I followed. The walk was a silent one and the ride back to my house was even more awkward. The only sound was an Otep CD playing loudly as Jade drove.

She pulled up onto the curb in front of my house and quietly waited for me to get out of the car.

I turned to her and said, "Thanks for the ride even though you owed me. And, hey, if you ever feel like taking a load off and joining me for some chill time, I'll be here." I climbed out of the car and waved her off, but she didn't drive yet. Instead, she turned off the car and got out.

I only smirked at her and led her to the front door. This was just perfect. In case my parents were still awake, she could just explain to them what happened to the car. I looked at my watch to see it was almost ten. We must have been out for a long time before she wrecked my baby. I turned to her and said, "Isn't it late?"

She only shrugged and said, "It isn't late enough." I couldn't agree more.


	5. You Scared Me

**AN: Since you guys are such kind readers with your reviews and such and because I have no life, here's another chapter! I hope there are some Tool fans reading this who know the track list for Ænima. It is important to understand a tiny inside joke. Call this joke an easter egg for Tool fans I guess haha. Well, enjoy. Review please why don't you!**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Victorious or Tool, although if I did that would be cooler than the other side of the pillow.

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**Jade's POV**

I was blind the second we stepped into Shiloh's house. All the lights were off and there was no sign of life anywhere. I heard Shiloh shush me before taking my arm and leading my through the darkness. If it weren't for the fact that I had no idea where I was going and couldn't see a thing, I would have yanked away. Her grip wasn't tight, but her hand was wrapped around the exact spot on my arm that I cut this morning. I really hoped it wouldn't open and start bleeding. I hoped even more she couldn't feel the dried blood under my sleeve.

I almost tripped as she led me up a staircase. After reaching the top, she continued to pull me down a long hallway. We reached its end and she opened a door I couldn't make out in this darkness. She let go of my arm and flicked on a light switch.

My eyes adjusted to the dim lighting and I walked into the bedroom. There was a large wooden bookshelf next to the door that was littered with novels and CDs. In the far corner of the room was a blank canvas standing next to a barstool and a pile of different kinds of paint. Next to that was a large HD television propped on top of a glass table. In the middle of the room was a circle shaped bed that could probably fit at least 5 people. The bed itself was covered with pencils and notebooks, all the pillows surrounding it on the carpeted floor. Behind the bed was a huge, red armoire. Photographs of strangers and Shiloh were taped to the sides of it. I figured the photos were of either friends from Seattle or family members since one of the photos had Sikowitz in it. On the left of the armoire there were shelves with different kinds of animal skulls on it. On the right there was a glass case filled with different styled blades. The walls and ceiling were painted black. The carpet was a bright red, much lighter than Shiloh's hair.

Shiloh closed the door behind me and stuffed it with rolled up towel that was next to it. "So, what do you think?" she asked confidently. She sat down on her bed and kicked off her shoes before pointing to my feet, suggesting I do the same.

I joined her on the bed, untied my boots, and tossed them near the door. I was about to attempt conversation with her, but her PearPhone started ringing. The ringtone was the song For No One by The Beatles. I eyed her curiously.

Shiloh just smiled sheepishly before opening a door next to the television that I could only guess led to her bathroom. Though she closed to the door behind her and I knew eavesdropping was wrong, I couldn't help but listen in on the conversation.

I heard Shiloh growl, "What do you want, Alex?" There was a shuffling sound behind the door, like she was pacing. "I told you, this has nothing to do with my move!" she shouted. There was a loud thumping sound and I could picture Shiloh taping her foot impatiently. "Because," she continued, "you're a good for nothing piece of shit!" I almost flinched away, but continued listening. "Stop calling me, Alex. I mean it. I swear the next time you call me, I'm driving my way back to Washington and cutting off each one of your fingers so you'll never be able to dial my number again, got it!" There was a slamming sound and the door knob started to turn.

I backed away and sat casually on the bed, pretending I didn't hear a sound.

Shiloh came out with an exhausted look on her face. She smiled sadly at me and said, "I'm sorry you had to hear that, Jade." She walked over to the armoire and opened it. She took out a tall, glass bong and handed it to me. She then pulled her grinder out of her skirt pocket and handed that to me. "Pack a bowl for us, if you don't mind. I'm going to change," she explained before taking a shirt and shorts out of her armoire, closing it, and retreated back into the bathroom.

I did as she asked and packed the bong's bowl. Lucky for us, she was prepared and had already filled it with water.

After a few minutes had passed on by, Shiloh walked out of the bathroom wearing a solid black t-shirt and short shorts that resembled the American flag. There was a tattoo of a blade sticking out from under her shorts and I caught sight of a rose tattoo on her inner thigh. There was a dragon tattoo wrapping around her right calve, the same leg that had the other two tattoos. Well, now I've seen four out of seven of her tattoos.

She threw a clear blue pipe and a green lighter onto the bed before jumping on it herself and kicking off the pencils and paper. She passed me the lighter and bribed, "You can have the first hit if you show me what you've got hidden up your sleeve."

Shit. She noticed. Of course she noticed. It was right underneath her palm as she dragged me through her house. Shit.

I was quiet and handed her the bong, refusing to take the first hit.

She submissively took the bong from my hands and gave me a sad look. "You know, it's nothing to be ashamed of," she whispered before lighting the bowl and milking the smoke. She stopped briefly, removed the bowl from the stem, and quickly sucked up the rest of the smoke. The sound gave me shivers. She handed me the bong and hopped off of the bed. "I'll put on some tunes," she explained and skipped over to her bookshelf.

I stared at the bong and grumbled, "It's nothing to be ashamed of because it's nothing at all." I took my hit and waited for her to return to the bed.

She opened up her laptop and inserted the chosen CD into the disc drive. It was Ænima by Tool. I smirked at the familiar bass line of the first track, Stinkfist.

Shiloh plopped back down onto the bed and took her hit, nodding along to the instrumentals. She handed to bang off to me and started singing along, in a breathtaking voice, might I add.

"_Something has to change_

_Undeniable dilemma_

_Boredom's not a burden anyone should bare"_

I continued to listen to her voice as I took my own hit. It was phenomenal to say the least. I was surprised that she wasn't so willing to sing in front of everyone yesterday.

"_Constant over stimulation numbs me_

_But I would not want you_

_Any other way"_

It was at the point I put the bong down on the floor and began to sing along with her.

"_It's not enough!_

_I need more!_

_Nothing seems to satisfy!_

_I said, _

_I don't want it,_

_Just need it_

_To breath, to feel, to know I'm alive!"_

At that point, I didn't know if it were the weed or the singing, but both of us starting cracking up laughing.

There was a light knock on the bedroom door and Shiloh jumped up off of the bed. She ran to the window and opened it before dusting herself off and walking over to the door. She opened it to reveal an older man with a thick head of grey hair. He was wearing brown sweatpants and a pink bathrobe. I looked away but overheard Shiloh giggling at him.

He looked behind her and nodded, "Good, you opened a window." He faced me and said, "It's a bit late for company, though. Especially this kind of company." I scrutinized him at the comment "this kind of company."

Shiloh looked back at me and laughed. "Dad," she started, "you have nothing to worry about, okay? And I think you grabbed Mom's robe by mistake. But I understand. Jade will be leaving soon, okay? You can go back to bed now."

The tired man looked back at me, and then gave Shiloh a skeptical look. He nodded again and said, "It was nice to meet you, Jade." He closed the door behind him.

Shiloh rolled her eyes, locked the door, and stuffed the towel back. "I guess we were too loud. So, that was my dad," she explained before sitting back down on the bed and picking up the bong.

I looked back at the door and said, "He had a lot to say."

She shrugged and took her hit. "He had a lot of nothing to say," she spoke as the smoke escaped her lips.

I nodded and took the bong from her before whispering, "We'll miss him."

As I took my hit, Shiloh started laughing again. This time she picked up a pillow and covered her face with it to keep from disturbing anyone else.

A laugh snuck its way out of my mouth as I exhaled the last of the smoke and placed the bong on the floor. I pulled my PearPhone out of my pocket to check the time. It was after eleven. I sighed and said, "I really should be getting home, huh?"

Shiloh shrugged and said, "It's whatever. You can leave anytime you want so long as you're okay to drive. If you aren't, I suggest calling a cab or waiting until you are." She poked my side and teased, "We don't need you to wreck two cars in one night, now do we?"

I rolled my eyes and looked away. "I said I was sorry. You're lucky to have gotten that out of me," I explained, crossing my arms over my chest. I looked down at her to see she was now sprawled out in the center of the bed. I stood up and put my boots back on.

"Jade, wait," she called out before I left the bedroom.

I turned to face her.

She sat up now and smiled softly. "Jade," she whispered, "you scared me today. Not when we crashed, but right before we did. You scared me."

I turned my back to her and looked down at my arm. I sighed and put on my mask before saying, "Well, I warned you that I was going to scare you. I just wish you didn't make it so easy." I opened the door and closed it behind me without another word. I really needed to get home before Shiloh started asking anymore questions. With that last thought, I exited her home and drove away to my own.


	6. Crushed

**AN: Here's chapter 6! I had some difficulty writing this one since it's in Beck's POV. I hope I did well enough of a job. Hope you all enjoy it! Don't forget to review! **

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Victorious.

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**Beck's POV**

A few weeks had passed by since Shiloh joined Hollywood Arts. In those few weeks I noticed some things:

1. Shiloh was a wonderful singer and actress and definitely belonged here.

2. Everyone seemed to like Shiloh and she got along with everyone so long as they didn't intentionally piss her off.

3. Jade was even warming up to Shiloh, laughing at her jokes and smiling from time to time.

4. Shiloh was very obvious, at least to me, that she had a crush on Jade.

This shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. It wasn't because I was still into Jade, though. Trust me when I say once we were over, I was over her completely. It bothered me because I knew Jade. Jade would never like Shiloh back, which was a fact I knew too well. What worried me is what Jade would probably do if she found out. No one else but me knew Shiloh was a lesbian, which is probably why I'm to only one to have noticed her growing feelings for Jade. I was worried Jade would hurt her and I didn't want to see her get hurt. Shiloh was a wonderful person. She really shouldn't spend so much time with someone as hateful as Jade.

We were all in Sikowitz's class. André was telling me something about a song he was writing with Shiloh in their Song Writing class, but I was zoning out. I was looking over at Shiloh who was whispering to Jade, while Tori and Robbie were doing a scene about a shipwreck or something. She had an infatuated look in her eyes that made me wonder why no one else noticed.

The bell for lunch had chimed and I decided it was now or never if I was going to have a word alone with her. I approached both girls and smiled sweetly as I could. "Shiloh, do you mind if I talk to you alone?" I asked, stressing the last word.

Jade glared at me, but Shiloh just nodded her head, an unsure look crossing her face. She waved the others off as they left for lunch. She looked behind her to see Sikowitz had left as well, then turned back to me and asked, "Well, Beck, what do you want to talk about?"

I pulled up and chair and sat next to her. "I wanted to talk about Jade," I started.

Her eyes grew hard and she eyed me curiously. She sat down in front of me and nodded her head.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "Shiloh, I've seen the way you look at her. You do know Jade's straight, right?" I asked tentatively.

She looked down at her feet. "You've noticed," she whispered.

"Yes, but I'm sure I'm the only one who has," I explained to her.

"You won't tell her, right? I mean, I really like her as a friend, too, and I don't want to ruin it or anything," she mumbled, looking at me with sad eyes.

I chuckled and joked, "Yeah, like she'd believe me if I said anything anyway." I frowned and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Shiloh, just as I haven't said a word of your sexuality to anyone, I won't speak a word of this."

She smiled weakly at me. "Thanks, Beck. You're not that bad of a guy. I can kind of see why Jade fell for you," she said sadly before hopping out of her seat.

I stood up and smiled softly at her. I opened my arms for a hug and she walked right into them. I held on to her until she squirmed out of my embrace. "Let's get some food, okay?" I offered.

Shiloh nodded her head and led the way to the Asphalt Café.

We joined everyone else at our usual table. Jade was eying the two of us angrily while everyone else went on with casual conversation. We both squeezed between Cat and André, Cat next to Shiloh and André next to me.

André reached across me and nudged Shiloh in the arm. "Hey, Shi, wanna give everyone a sneak preview of that song we're working on? I've got my keyboard," he said with a laugh before playing a few notes.

Shiloh looked down at the table sadly before smiling up at André. "No thanks," she said, "they'll just have to wait. But if anyone is interested in hearing me sing, I'll be doing some covers with these guys I know at this place called the Tempest. You're all invited to come and watch." She was back to being chipper.

"The Tempest? Isn't that right down the street from the Gorilla Club?" asked Robbie curiously.

"Yeah, I've seen that place before. A lot of metal heads hang out there," explained André. Metal heads. That made sense. Shiloh was into metal.

Shiloh giggled and said, "You are right, André. Oh, and if anyone wants to come with, afterwards I'm getting my eighth tattoo." She clapped her hands together in excitement, something I swear she developed after hanging out with Cat so much.

"I can't wait to see you cry in pain," remarked Jade with a smirk. To the others it may have seemed like a normal mean thing for her to say, but I saw the teasing look on her face, a look I knew.

Shiloh scoffed and glared playfully at Jade. "I don't cry for anything," she declared.

Jade rolled her eyes and said, "Right, you cry for no one." There was a suggestive tone to her voice to add to the teasing look on her face.

Shiloh smirked and shoved Jade gingerly on the arm, resting her hand for a bit. The two girls held each others' gaze in a staring contest. Cat looked confused between the two of them.

"So," interrupted Tori, "where do you plan on getting your next tattoo, Shiloh?"

Shiloh tore herself away from Jade and a pained look crossed her face. She shivered and her smile returned. "Oh, yeah, I was thinking of getting it on my other leg. This one is so bare," she described, propping both legs on the table. She opted to wearing denim shorts today that left nothing to the imagination.

I tried my hardest not to stare at her toned legs. The others didn't seem to care. Tori and Cat were checking out the tattoos while André and Robbie were just checking her out.

I looked over to Jade and saw her drumming her fingers on the table and smiling at Shiloh. She turned her eyes and caught sight of me looking at her. She then whipped her head away and looked elsewhere.

"Robbie," she seethed, "you should wipe that drool from your mouth."

Shiloh jerked her legs back under the table, almost kicking me in the process. Her face turned beet red. I couldn't tell if she was embarrassed or pissed. It was probably a mixture of both. Albeit, I had to admit, the look on her face was quite adorable.

I smirked and turned to Robbie who was trying to hide his shame. He was facing directly down at the ground and his body was completely still. I think he even whimpered a little.

"Well don't I feel violated," mumbled Shiloh.

Jade scoffed, "That's what you get for showing so much skin." Her voice had switched back to its venomous tone.

Shiloh shrank in her seat at the sound of Jade's disapproval. Jade was one to talk. Sure she had on stockings and a long-sleeved shirt, but over those stockings she wore a mini-skirt and her long-sleeved shirt was very, very tight and very, very low-cut. Even if Shiloh would be mad at me, I wasn't letting Jade hurt her.

"Oh really, like you're one to talk about showing skin, Jade? Why don't you point out one day just this week where you've worn something over your bust? Huh? All Shiloh is doing is showing a little leg. You're the one who parades the girls around." I went there. I eyed her down and waited for her to blow at my words. No one expected me to say anything like that, but with how submissive Shiloh was toward her, someone had to put her in her place.

Cat gasped and covered her mouth. She scooted farther from Jade, who was still seething, and closer to Shiloh, who was now hiding her face.

There was a light, barely noticeable flush on Jade's face. She was visibly pissed off and people from other tables were staring at her in terror. She glared down at Shiloh, waiting for the girl to step in and say something, anything, in her defense.

Shiloh looked up at her with sad eyes and then looked over to me. She didn't seem happy about what I said, but she wasn't mad either. She kept quiet.

Jade snarled, picked up her things, and stormed away and back into the building.

I looked back down at Shiloh who was now being coddled by Cat. She seemed to be ignoring the attention, though. The bell rang and Shiloh shot out of her seat, rushing off to her next class.

I began walking toward the building when André caught my elbow. I turned to face him.

He was looking at me with disapproval written on his face. "Beck, I think we need to talk," he said seriously.

I nodded and sat back down across from him.

"Look, I know you and Jade aren't going to be best friends or anything, but this is getting ridiculous. It's like there's some Cold War going on between you two, only surprisingly you're the one shooting them missiles." He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head at me. "I don't see why you two can't just get over each other already," he huffed.

I grumbled, "Talk to her about that. I've moved on."

André nodded his head and stated, "Yeah, I can see that clearly. I'm sure everyone else can too, especially Jade."

"What are you getting at?" I asked, pointing a warning finger at him.

André just shrugged and said, "We've all noticed you have a thing for Shiloh. I don't blame you. But, maybe, do you think that the reason you like Shiloh so much is because she's so much like Jade?"

His question hit home. Was I only into Shiloh because she was similar to Jade? Impossible. Sure they had similar interests, but Shiloh was a lot kinder, more sincere, more submissive than Jade.

I shook my head and stood up. "That's not why I like Shiloh, André." I picked my backpack back up and slug it over my shoulder.

André stood up and rolled his eyes at me. "Well, I don't know what game you're playing then, but you need to stop it. I think you and Jade just need to stay out of each other's lives for a bit. That means stop trying to take her new best friend, Beck." With that, André left for class.

I opted for just skipping the rest of the day. I needed to clear my head. Jade's hostility towards Shiloh earlier had nothing to do with me. It was just Jade being Jade. All I was doing was trying to defend Shiloh. I only wished there was something I could do before she put herself out there and Jade crushed her to bits.

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**AN: Here I am again, at the bottom this time! Just wanted to apologize for making Beck seem like a bad guy each time I put him in here. Also, am I the only one who has noticed that Jade is the prime target for most boob related jokes on the show? **


	7. Priorities

**AN: I have no life so you guys get 2 chapters in one day again. Enjoy chapter 7 and don't forget to review. If you guys don't review how will I know whether or not to keep writing this tragedy? **

**Disclaimer: **Last time I checked my name isn't Dan Schneider so I guess that means I don't own Victorious.

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**Jade's POV**

I rushed my way through the building, out the front doors, towards the parking lot, and to my car. I ripped the door open and slammed it shut behind me before allowing an angry howl to escape me lips.

Why was I still letting everything Beck said affect me? Why was I getting so pissed and jealous every time he and Shiloh were alone? I was acting ridiculous. Shiloh wasn't a threat. She told me many times she had absolutely no interest in Beck. Why didn't I believe her? Why was I bothered by it, anyway? Beck and I were nothing now.

I roared again, this one coming out painfully. Pain is what I wanted, what I needed, what I deserved. I was just as terrible as I let people believe. I slammed my forehead into the steering wheel.

I was alarmed by a tapping sound on my window. I turned to my left to see a sad Shiloh standing there. I growled and rolled down the window. "What?" I shouted at her. For some reason I wasn't as satisfied as I thought I would be to see her flinch and step back.

She looked at her feet and then back at me. "I'm sorry. Beck wouldn't have said anything to you if he wasn't trying to defend me," she whimpered and looked away from me.

I looked at my hands that were wrapped tightly around the steering wheel. I plugged in my car keys and started the engine. "Get in," I demanded.

Shiloh nodded her head and climbed into the passenger seat.

I put on my seatbelt and sped out of the Hollywood Arts parking lot. We drove around in silence, even the radio was off. I kept going until we reached my house. No cars were in the driveway which meant my dad was working and his new little wife was probably out shopping, wasting away his money.

I parked and climbed out of the car as quickly as I could. Shiloh followed behind me with caution. I unlocked and opened the front door, slamming it closed once Shiloh made it inside.

A little black Pomeranian ran over to us and immediately started its yapping, a sound that made me want to stab myself in the ears. All I did was look in its direction for the barking rat to cower away.

Shiloh let out a giggle from beside me.

I glared at her and started walking upstairs to my bedroom, Shiloh trailing behind me. I kicked open the door and threw my purse on the bed before slumping in my chair. I looked up at Shiloh who was standing awkwardly in the doorway. I stood, pointed to the chair, and groaned, "Sit."

I didn't wait for her to obey. I just walked passed her and back down the stairs. I made a pit stop at my dad's liquor cabinet. After little thought, I took out a full bottle of good ole Jameson's Irish whiskey.

I ran back up the stairs, into my bedroom, and shut the door behind me. Shiloh stared at me as I plopped down on my bed and opened the bottle.

"Jade, it's barely one in the afternoon," she pointed out.

I ignored her and took a sip of the burning liquid. The pain that shot down my throat as I swallowed was more than satisfactory.

After a few moments of silence and a few more shots on my half, Shiloh sauntered over to me and yanked the bottle out of my grasp.

I glared at her and hollered, "What gives?"

She screwed the cap back on and set the bottle down in the chair before sitting next to me on my bed. "Jade, why are you acting like this?" she asked sincerely, placing a light hand on my arm. The delicate touch sent shockwaves through the sleeve of my leather jacket and left goosebumps on my arm.

I smiled at her and seethed, "Like you don't know?" I stood up and walked back to my chair, taking the bottle and another shot.

"Is this about Beck?" she asked, as if she didn't already know. She stood from her spot on the bed and approached me cautiously. "Jade, I've told you before; I'm not interested in Beck."

I scoffed and downed another shot. "That doesn't change things," I mumbled, trying not to slur. "Even if you don't like him he obviously likes you more than a friend. Hell, almost every guy who meets you wants to date you."

"But I don't want to date any of them. I'm not seeing how there can be a problem with that if I show no interest," she whispered to herself.

I waved the bottle at her and growled, "You expect me to believe you're not interested in any of the guys who have been drooling over you, not even Beck?" I downed another shot of whiskey.

She threw her hands in the hair and exclaimed, "Jade, I expect you to trust me. It's what friends do. We're friends, right?" She looked at me pleadingly, sad eyes turning cold and hard.

I put the bottle down and stood up, stumbling a bit. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "Yes, we're friends," I said, more to myself than her. She was my friend, one of my best friends. And I was the one dragging her around, stepping on her, and accusing her.

Shiloh smiled weakly at me. "Then you can trust me, Jade," she said as if it were the most simple and obvious thing in the world.

The mask I was wearing cracked and broke just then. My eyes started to sting and my bottom lip quivered. I shook my head and hugged Shiloh as tightly as I could. I dug my nails into her biceps and rested my head in the crook of her neck. We just stood there, her holding me while I was pouring all of my pain into her at once. All the tears I tried holding back were spilling out of my eyes now.

Shiloh gently rubbed my back with one hand and stroked my hair with the other. She held me tighter with each thick sob the escaped me being. The entire time she kept silent.

My sobs quieted, becoming nothing but sniffles now. I still clung to Shiloh for dear life. A part of me didn't believe she was real and I wanted to prove that part wrong. As son as my body stopped trembling, I pulled myself away from her. The action felt similar to that of ripping off a band aid.

I grabbed hold of her face, cheeks growing warm at my touch, and pulled it to me until our foreheads were touching. "Shiloh, you're so sweet, so wonderful. I don't deserve a friend like you," I whispered to her.

Shiloh grabbed a hold of my wrists and pulled my hands from her face. She raised one finger and pressed it to my lips, taking a step back to leave space between us. She took a hold of one of my wrists again and led me back to the bed.

I sat down on the mattress and removed my jacket. Underneath I was wearing a black tank top. My arms were bare and I could feel Shiloh's eyes trace the skin that was previously mutilated.

She sat down on my left and took my scarred arm in her hands. She ran a finger over the striped skin gingerly. The touch sent shivers down my spine and more shockwaves through my body. "Jade" she mumbled.

My head snapped and I faced her at the call of my name.

She smiled softly and said, "I'm here, no matter what. Just promise me that next time you want to do _this_, you'll talk to me first."

I nodded and smiled weakly at her.

Her smile grew and she stood up. "I'm going to go now. No more drinking, okay?" She gave me a warning look.

I sighed and nodded again. "Thank you," I breathed.

She opened the door, but turned around to face me before exiting. "Jade, you're beautiful, understand?" She said it sincerely and then left.

I nodded to myself and collapsed. I was exhausted. Before drifting to sleep I caught myself thinking of how close our faces were just a few minute ago. I pushed the thought away. Shiloh and I were friends, and friends don't think of friends like that. Even if that friend if drop dead gorgeous. Ugh, I needed to settle my priorities.


	8. Clarity

**AN: Is that an update? So soon? You betcha. You guys know the drill. Read and review. Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: **idon'townVictorious

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

I walked around aimlessly for two hours trying to clear my head. I honestly couldn't figure out what to do. Jade was broken and as her friend I should be there to help put her back together. I cared a lot about her and really did want to help her, save her from herself. But at the same time, a darker side of me wanted me to take her weakness as an opportunity, as a chance to work as a rebound. I shook my head and ignored that side.

As I continued walking, I realized I had been going around in circles and I was still in the same neighborhood. Since school was out by now, I decided I'd visit Cat.

When I knocked on her front door, an older woman who looked just like her, save for the red hair, answered. I figured she was Cat's mother. The look on her face was priceless. It was a mix of confusion, shock, and disgust. It made me wonder if the woman approved of Cat's close friendship with Jade.

She cleared her throat and muttered, "Can I help you?"

I smiled politely and said, "Yes, I'm Shiloh, a friend of Cat's. Is she home?" I pushed my crimson bangs away from my face.

"Just one minute," she said before closing the door.

I shrugged and waited patiently for it to open again. This time it was Cat who opened it. She had on a giant smile spread across her face. "Shiloh!" she squealed before squeezing the life out of my in one of her hugs.

"Cat, I can't breathe," I choked.

She released me and grabbed my arm, dragging me into the house. "Mom, this is Shiloh," she announced my presence, poking me in the gut upon introduction. Before her mom could make a comment, Cat dragged me up the stairs and to her bedroom.

After entering the room, I had absolutely no clue how she could be such good friends with Jade. The two were beyond stark opposites.

"So, what brings you here?" asked Cat curiously. She sat down on her bed and was twirling a strand of hair with her finger.

I shrugged and stated, "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood."

She pointed her finger at me and said, "You were at Jade's."

I looked down then back at her. "Yeah, how did you guess?" I inquired.

"Well, neither of you were around for the last classes of the day. You both disappeared after lunch. And you said you were in the neighborhood. Jade lives just a block away. It's kind of obvious you two were at her house if you add all the details up," she explained.

I stared at her. I was convinced Cat was just an airhead. The girl seems to have her moments, I guess. I shrugged and sat down next to her.

She poked my cheek and asked casually, "Shiloh, what's your sexual preference?"

I jumped at her question. I thought Cat was too innocent to even know what a sexual preference was. Shit, I've got to stop underestimating her. "Um, what kind of question is that?" I asked.

"Oh, I don't mean to offend you or anything. I was just wondering," she fumbled.

"Why?" I stared blankly at her.

"Well, because you and Jade have been hanging out so much and she's nice to you. The last time I witnessed her be so nice to someone is when she dated Beck."

I just kept staring at her, completely confused. I shook my head and said, "But, Cat, Jade's straight."

The smaller girl started giggling uncontrollably. "No she's not," she commented, still giggling.

I was shocked. Beck told me Jade was straight. Maybe he didn't know as much about her as Cat did. After all, her and Cat were best friends.

"She's not?" I asked, trying to sound more shocked than hopeful.

Cat's smile grew and she shook her head. "Nope. You see, there was this one time not too long ago but still kind of long ago when we went to this cool place called Karaoke Dokie, only it wasn't that cool because there were these really mean girls there who cheated to win the singing competition because one of them was the daughter of the owner, which is some seriously messed up chiz because Jade and I sounded so much better than them and –"

"Cat!" I called her name, interrupting her endless sentence.

She pouted at me. "Whatty?"

I pinched the bridge of me nose and said, "Get to the point of this story, please."

"Oh yeah!" she snapped her fingers, remembering where she was going with her story. "Well, after we were cheated, Jade and I went back to her house. She was complaining about how Beck just let one of the girls flaunt herself all over him. I was trying to calm her down, but if you've ever been around Jade when she's that angry, you'd know how hard that is. Anyway, I asked her why she was dating Beck is she didn't trust him. She explained that she'd been with him so long she knew nothing else. I asked her if she was interested in anyone else and she said, well, um."

I was leaning forward, very interested in where this was going. "Cat, what did she say?" I inquired.

"She didn't say anything. She just sat in thought until she collapsed into herself and broke into her father's liquor cabinet."

I thought of the events that went down earlier today and frowned.

Cat's voice became sadder and softer as she spoke. "Jade admitted that she was struggling with her sexuality. She said she loved Beck with all of her heart and soul, but she couldn't find herself sexually attracted to him, or any guy. I suggested the possibility of her not being straight and she threw a bottle of scotch at my head.

"The next morning she didn't remember the conversation we had earlier. The only thing on her mind was exacting revenge on the girls at Karaoke Dokie. I never brought it up again. I knew if she wanted to talk about it she would."

I stare at Cat in disbelief. "Cat, why are you telling me all of this?" I asked, not that I wasn't thankful for the random information.

She smiled and said, "Because Jade's my best friend and I want her to be happy."

That wasn't the explanation I was looking for.

Before I could question the red-head, my cell phone went off.

"_Hey, you, what do you see?_

_Something beautiful, something free!_

_Hey, you, are you -" _

I answered before the ringtone could continue, already aware who was calling from the first line. It was Jade. "Hi, Jade," I said awkwardly

Cat was giggling next to me.

"Hey. I just got a call from the mechanic. Your car is all fixed up," she grumbled on her side of the line.

I leapt for joy. "Yes! I finally get to drive my baby again!" I declared. I was beyond excited to get behind the wheel again.

"Yeah," muttered Jade. "So tell me where you are already so I can give you a ride," she practically growled.

"Oh, I'm at Cat's," I explained to her, trying to contain my joy.

"Oh?" She sounded surprised. "Well then I suppose I can pick both of you up. Be outside in two minutes, got it?" She hung up after giving out her command.

I turned to Cat who had a playful smirk on her face. I rolled my eyes and said, "Jade will be here in two minutes. We better get downstairs and outside before we make her wait."

Cat giggled, "Mmhmm." She grabbed her purse and skipped away. "Mom, Shiloh and I are going out for a little bit. I'll be home before dinner!" she called as we were exiting the house.

The second we arrived outside Jade pulled up onto the curb. She rolled down her window and shouted, "Get in the fucking car!"

We both ran to the car and immediately climbed in. I sat in the front passenger seat while Cat sat in the middle back seat.

The car ride was quiet, save for the loud talents of Dimmu Borgir blaring out of the speakers and Cat whimpering to herself about the "scary loud music." Jade was back to normal, as in, she was back to being as pissed off as she was before she left school today.

When we reached the mechanic, Jade ripped her keys out of the ignition and stormed out of the car and into the garage. Cat and I followed tentatively.

That was when I saw a face I'd recognize anywhere. Standing before us next to my fixed up car was Anderson "Andy" Franklin. He was a friend of mine and the bassist for our little band we were trying to form. Andy stood at 6'3", 6'8 when his Pink Mohawk was spiked up.

"Andy!" I shouted before running over to him and jumping into his outstretched arms.

"Shiloh!" he laughed, lifting me in the air and spinning me around before setting my feet on the ground.

"Andy, why didn't you tell me you were the mechanic working on my car?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

He started at me in shock. "Wait, this nice ass lady killer is your automobile?" he asked in disbelief.

Next to me Cat was giggling and Jade was rolling her eyes.

"Yeah it's her car. Now give her the keys since I paid you in advance," Jade said with a groan.

Andy huffed and said, "Well aren't you a bitter one. Here you go, Shiloh." He handed me the car keys before elbowing my side and whispering, "Hey, is she your new squeeze?"

I felt my face warm up and I stepped hard on his foot, making him grab it in pain and fall over. I spun the key ring around my finger and said, "Who's ready to go?"

Jade raised her hand and stomped back to her car.

I looked at Cat and asked, "Do you want me to give you a ride home?"

She looked warily between Jade and I before nodding her head.

I got into the car and rolled down the window. Before driving off I waved to Andy.

"So, who was that?" Cat asked curiously.

"That was my friend Andy. You'll see him again Friday night," I explained.

Cat smiled and clapped her hands together.

When we pulled up in front of her house, Jade was sitting on the curb waiting for us.

Cat opened the door to exit when Jade jumped up and ran toward us. She held the door open and waited for Cat to get out before sitting down in the passenger seat. Cat waved good bye to us, but Jade brushed her off.

I smiled weakly at Cat and shrugged before waving her off. After she went into the house I turned to Jade and asked, "Can I help you?"

"Can we go to your house?" she asked in a calmer voice.

I smiled softly and started driving.

"I'm sorry, by the way," she mumbled under her breath.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the road.

"For that," she stated, pointing at my bicep.

We reached a red light and I took the time to assess my biceps. They both had tiny crescent shaped cuts on them left by Jade's fingernails. I frowned.

We both stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride.

I pushed the front door open and shouted, "Guess who got their baby back!"

My dad, who was sitting on the couch cleaning his glasses, turned to us and smiled. "Was it you?" he asked me with a laugh.

I nodded and sat down next to him. Jade took a seat in the recliner next to me.

He smiled at her and said, "Good to see you again, Jade. Now don't look at me like that. I want you to feel welcomed here." He chuckled to himself while Jade only rolled her eyes at him. He stood up and stretched before stating, "Well I'll get out of your hair. You girls seem like you want your privacy and I have work to get to anyway. Help yourselves to the fridge, but stay away from the medicine cabinets!" With that, he was out the front door.

I turned to Jade who had dropped her angry façade. "Do you want anything to drink?" I asked carefully.

She looked at the floor and hugged her knees to her face. "Do you think your parents would mind if I stayed here for a few days, at least until my mom gets back in town?" she mumbled into her legs.

I walked over to her and placed a hand gingerly on her shoulder. "I don't think they would mind. Why can't you stay with your dad and step-mom?"

Jade stood up and began pacing around the living room. "I was only staying with him while my mom was out of town on a business trip. He gets along with my little brother just fine, but he hates my guts. After you left he came home and I gave him a piece of my mind. I left after I got the phone call from the mechanic and when I tried going back inside he had already changed that lock," she explained.

I wanted to tell her she got herself into this mess by breaking into his liquor cabinet and trying to drink her sorrows and anger away. I didn't. I just watched her angrily pace around the room.

"Come on," I said. "Let's go upstairs and smoke a little before my mom gets home. She's not as cool about my habits as my dad is. Besides, you seem like you need to clear my head. I know I do."


	9. Curiosity

**AN: I'm trying my best to spit out a chapter everyday for you guys so I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I'm loving the reviews I keep getting and I encourage you all to keep up the good work. Keep those reviews coming and I'll keep up with the speedy updates. Enjoy chapter 9 :D**

**Disclaimer: **It's a good thing that I don't own Victorious.

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**Jade's POV**

Shiloh and I were in the middle of watching _Hostel_ when we heard her house phone ring. Well, I was in the middle of watching the movie while Shiloh had been texting most of the time. I paused the movie and she left the room to answer the phone.

That was when her PearPhone vibrated.

I knew it was wrong, but my curiosity got the best of me. What if it were Beck texting her? Ugh, I had to stop thinking like that. I trusted Shiloh.

I picked up her phone to see the text was from Cat. That was a relief. Just Cat. Okay, Jade, put the phone down_._ But I didn't. Instead I clicked onto the first message and began reading through their conversation.

**Cat: Hi Shi! heehee that rhymed!**

**Shiloh: Yes, yes it did, Cat.**

Just like Shiloh to appease Cat.

**Cat: ya know you never answered my question**

**Shiloh: I didn't. I'm positive I did.**

**Cat: nooooope. You owe me an answer.**

**Shiloh: An IOU? Can I pay you in cupcakes?**

**Cat: people can get paid in cupcakes! **

**Yay! 3**

**Shiloh: I was joking, Cat. **

**But if you would like I can buy you some cupcakes :)**

**Cat: Yay! Cupcakes!**

I exited out the conversation with a growl. That was just ridiculous. I was a little impressed with how Shiloh weaseled out of Cat's question. What did Cat ask Shiloh? My curiosity was getting out of hand. I put the phone down and waited patiently for Shiloh to return.

Until I got bored and started wondering around the room. The glass case filled with different knives was the first thing to catch my attention. I opened the glass cabinet like door to have a closer look.

That's when I saw them. On the second shelf next to a leaf shaped pocket knife were bright, shiny scissors. They were almost as beautiful as the ones Cat had given me for Christmas.

I carefully reached my hand in and grabbed hold of the scissors. I only slipped in my index finger and thumb, holding them with great care. These were one sharp pair of scissors.

"I don't have to worry about you stealing from me, do I?" asked Shiloh from behind me. She reached beside me and flicked on a lamp, shining bright light over the sparkly blades. "They look a lot nicer in the light," she pointed out. And she was right.

"I don't get you," I stated, placing the scissors back on their respectable shelf. "You're into all of this macabre and morbid shit, you have violent tendencies, and do drugs."

"But I only smoke weed," Shiloh interrupted.

I ignored her and closed the cabinet. "But at the same time, you're this super kind, understanding, caring person. You're into adorable shit and you're crazy friendly. It's a weird combination," I finished explaining what I meant.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she said giving me a hard look. Crap. I'd done it. I've finally been the one to piss her off. It always seemed to be funnier whenever it happened to someone else, though. Especially Beck.

Shiloh took a deep breath, as if to calm herself down. For that, I respected her. "Jade, I'm not going to hurt you. I want to, I really do. Seriously, I'd love to punch you in the face. But I won't. And that's because I know you'll hit back. And I don't want to get hit," she explained before taking a seat on the bed and opening the cedar wood box next to her.

I realized I did get her. Shiloh wasn't a mixture of good and bad. She was mixture of crazy and rational. The rational side, I was thankful for.

"And, just putting it out there, Jade, being kind and understanding and friendly isn't that foreign of a concept. You should try it out more often. Not on the whole world, but on your friends. I get that everyone is afraid of you, but respect is much nicer to have than fear. Okay not all of the time, but you get my point," she explained while rolling a joint.

I sighed and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry, Shiloh," I muttered.

"Don't apologize to me for speaking your mind. It's what you do. It's who you are. I can recommend things to you, but I won't force you to change yourself. I like the assertive, angry, seething, and let us not forget fire breathing dragon that sits beside me," she said with a smirk, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into a side hug.

I slipped away, uncomfortable with the human contact. "You're probably the only one," I mumbled, putting my jacket back on to hide the goosebumps.

Shiloh giggled and said, "Nah, Cat loves you. And André and Tori seem pretty fond of you. You just scare them, is all." She stood up and began exiting the bedroom.

I caught up with her and said in a matter of fact tone, "Tori is not my friend."

She just laughed at me and walked down the stairs.

"Where are we going anyway?" I asked grumpily.

"Oh, my mom called to say she'd be home sometime soon, so we're taking this outside in the backyard," she explained, waving the joint at me.

We walked through the kitchen to get to the backyard. While walking, I caught sight of a cabinet littered with posted notes saying, "DO NOT OPEN!" I supposed this was the medicine cabinet that Shiloh's dad didn't want us near.

We got to the back yard and Shiloh immediately sat down in a wooden lawn chair, directing me to sit in the chair across from her. Next to my chair there was a Washburn fancy acoustic guitar. I picked it up to have a good look at it while Shiloh lit up the joint.

She took her two puffs and handed it to me, explaining, "That's my mom's guitar. She's had it for years and still plays it."

I nodded my head, put the guitar down, and took the joint from Shiloh.

After we finished smoking, I picked the guitar back up and found a pick on the ground next to it. I strummed it a little bit and smirked at Shiloh.

She shook her head and said, "I should have figured you play."

"Only acoustic," I pointed out.

She pouted and complained, "Aww so I don't get to hear you play any loud and scary music?" She chuckled.

I laughed with her and shook my head. "Nope! But if your eardrums can bare with me, I can play a nice acoustic song."

Shiloh nodded and stated, "Nice music is nice. And I listen to more than 'loud and scary' music, Jade." She pushed my knee playful.

There is was again, the shivers and shockwaves. What was wrong with me today?

I brushed it off and tried to think of a good acoustic song to play. I wanted to sing to, so it had to be a song I knew the lyrics to, too. My fingers started playing before I chose a song. They began playing the chords to Painting Songs by Tegan and Sara. I was glad I knew the lyrics well enough.

I smirked at Shiloh who was smiling at me and said, "Don't laugh at me, okay, but this is one of my favorite songs."

She nodded and leaned forward, propping her chin on her hands.

"_It must be something in the way you walk._

_It must be something in the way you talk._

_I'm not sure yet._

_It must be something in the way you dream._

_You just go home and the thirteen days_

_In between you and I_

_This is me before I fall apart.  
This is me before I come undone.  
I've been tired for days and days.  
I've been tired for days and days._

_Wishing that I had a fortune- don't  
All the beauty and I say stop  
Well, won't you be mine?_

_It must be something in the way you taste.  
Your lips are magic sauce and I say stop.  
Well, won't you be mine?_

_This is me before I fall apart.  
This is me before I come undone.  
I've been tired for days and days.  
I've been tired for days and days."_

I stopped playing when the backdoor opened. An older woman stood there, probably Shiloh's mother. She had long brown hair pulled into a ponytail with grey streaks. She was wearing a long, flowing green skirt, brown cowboy boots, and a blue and green flannel. Just looking at her I could see the resemblance to Sikowitz.

She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. "I knew I heard someone playing my guitar," she stated.

I gently placed the guitar and pick back on the ground where they were before.

The woman laughed musically and said, "Oh, Sweetie, you can keep playing. It sounded beautiful. Same goes for your singing voice."

I smiled weakly and said, "Thanks."

Shiloh jumped up from her seat and said, "Mom, this is Jade."

Her mom's eyes widened. "As in, Jade West?" she asked tentatively.

I looked around and said, "Um, yeah."

Her smile grew. "I've heard so much about you from my brother. You're the bitter one, right?" she asked with a laugh.

I growled. "Yes, I'm the bitter one," I grumbled.

She put a hand on my shoulder and stated, "The world needs bitter people otherwise it would be too sweet."

I slipped away from her and just nodded along.

She looked between Shiloh and I before saying to herself, "If only I had 94 more of you."

Shiloh smirked and said, "Then you'd have 96 quite bitter beings."

I face palmed at the terrible joke they made together.

Her mom laughed and smiled back at me again. "Jade, will you be joining us for dinner?"

"Actually," interjected Shiloh, "would it be okay for Jade to stay with us for a few days until her mom gets back from a business trip?" She looked up at her mother with pleading eyes.

Her mother looked warily at the two of us before stuttering, "S-sure. I'll just go set up the guest room before dinner. In fact, why don't we just order pizza?" She suggested before walking back into the house.

I looked at Shiloh.

She shrugged and sat back down. "I'm not ordering pizza until you finish that song," she pointed out, crossing one leg over the other.

I rolled my eyes at her and said, "Well then I guess we'll starve."

"Jade," she whined. "Come on, you're fantastic." She shoved my knee again, not as playfully this time.

I shook my head at her and stood up, making my way back into the house.

"Fine, be that way," she shouted at me before following me into the house. She went to the fridge and took out a bottle of cream soda. "Do you want one?" she asked politely.

I shrugged and said, "Why not."

She grabbed another bottle and handed it to me before closing the refrigerator door. She led me back into the living room and plopped down onto the couch.

I sat down next to her and twisted the cap off of the bottle. I smirked and asked, "I guess we aren't going to finish the movie?"

She popped her cap off against the coffee table and said, "We can go back upstairs if you'd like."

Shiloh's mother walked down the stairs and asked, "Shiloh, Honey, can I speak with you for a minute?"

Shiloh turned to me and whispered, "Meet you upstairs," before following her mother into the kitchen.

Part of me wanted to eavesdrop, but I figured I had been curious enough today. I walked back up the stairs and into Shiloh's room. That was when I heard music playing.

"_Who knows?  
__Not me.  
__I never lost control.  
__You're face to face,  
__With the man who sold the world."_

The music stopped and there was a beeping noise to follow. I realized the music was Shiloh's PearPhone going off and the beep was a signal of a missed call. Letting my curiosity get the better of me again, I picked up the phone to see who had been calling her. I dropped the phone after I read the screen. It was Beck.


	10. For Your Honor

**AN: And here comes chapter 10! Huzzah for fast pacing. I'd like to thank you all for reading and reviewing, especially kikouma and WZRDmeesh for so many reviews. Keep up the good work and I'll keep up mine. Enough of my rambling. Enjoy the chapter.  
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**Disclaimer: **If I did own Victorious, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, now would I?**  
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**Shiloh's POV**

I followed my mother into the kitchen, dreading whatever she was going to bring up. I knew it would have something to do with my father's shared thoughts.

"Shiloh, you know I don't mind that you're only into women. I love you for who you are, and who you are is a very courageous, wonderful person. What I'm not okay with is you requesting these girlfriends to temporarily stay with us," she explained, pacing back and forth.

I sighed and said, "Mom, you have nothing to worry about. Jade and I are just friends." I held up my hands in defense,

"Good," she stated. "Remember what happened last time you dated a girl like _that_?"

She was referring to my ex-girlfriend, Alex. Like Jade, Alex was into the punk/goth style and was pretty cruel of a person. She was probably crueler than Jade, as hard to believe as that may be. Our relationship was beyond destructive. It lasted too long because Alex never wanted to admit it was over between us. That's why I was more than thankful to have moved.

"Mom, Jade is completely different from Alex. For one, Jade has a beating heart. For two, I'm friends with her ex-boyfriend so I wouldn't think too much of putting the moves on her. Keyword in the sentence is boyfriend," I explained to her, getting annoyed with hers, and my father's, accusations.

She tsked at me and waved her pointed index finger at me in disapproval. "No, Shi, the keyword is ex, but I'll drop it," she said before taking the phonebook and looking through for the Pizza Shoppe's number.

I decided now would be a good time to leave. I didn't want Jade to get bored and start cutting things with scissors.

I made my way back to the bedroom to see Jade waiting patiently for me, which was weird. Weirder, she smiled weakly at me when I sat down next to her. I brushed off the weirdness and pressed play on the movie.

It was then I realized I had left my phone in the room the entire time we were outside. I checked it to find a missed call from Beck and a new text from Cat.

**Cat: hey! you tricked me! I still want an answer **

I sighed and thought, why not. Cat wouldn't tell anyone, right? I typed out a quick message and hit send.

**Me: Okay. Cat, you caught me. I'm a lesbian. Happy now?**

**Just don't tell anyone, k?**

The red-head replied before I even put my PearPhone back on the bed.

**Cat: I knew it! And I don't know why you don't want others to know**

**But I can keep it a secret for you :) trust me.**

I sighed and put the phone back down.

Jade eyed me curiously before turning her attention back to the film.

My mother came back, knocking on the doorway to alert her presence. "I hate to disturb you, girls, but would you mind picking up the pizza? Carryout costs less than delivery," she explained why she was asking for the favor.

I stretched and grabbed my keys. "Sure, we'll pick it up, right, Jade?" I tried to verify, turning my attention to the girl beside me.

Jade groaned and walked out the door without a word.

I smiled at my mom and said, "That means 'yes.'" She handed me money for the pizza and I followed Jade out of the house.

The drive didn't last too long. The Pizza Shoppe was only a five minute drive away. We arrived too early so we waiting in the parking lot. It was a lot nicer than waiting in a crowded restaurant. We were both lying on the hood of my car in silence, and it was nice.

It was nice until a group of guys approached us. We both sat up, alert.

"Well, well, well, what do we have hear?" asked the shortest of the four men. He was wearing a heavy coat, which was crazy considering how hot it was outside, a wool cap, and spoke with a Hispanic accent.

The tallest of the group, a pasty skinned man with a punk-rocker look, smirked and said, "It seems we have found some unaccompanied ladies for the taking."

I heard a low growl escape from Jade throat.

I put a reassuring hand on her knee, but stared hard at the men. I opened my mouth to give them a piece of my mind, but Jade interrupted me.

She barked, "And what makes you think we're 'unaccompanied' and 'for the taking?'" She pushed my hand away and jumped off the hood of the car, challenging the group.

I slid off and stood next to her as backup.

"Well," said the Hispanic, "you ladies don't look like you came with anyone else since you don't have much of a backseat in that nice car of yours."

I eyed Jade warily from my peripheral vision.

She had a smirk on her face and scoffed, "I never said we came here with someone else. I only said we weren't for the taking. That means, 'back off!'" She roared at them.

The two men who had been quiet submissively stepped back. The tall one took a step forward and asked, "And if we don't?"

I couldn't stop myself. Before I knew it, I had my hand balled up in a fist and I was swinging. My knuckles connected with his jaw, and he stumbled back into his friends upon impact.

The Hispanic placed his hands roughly on my shoulders and shoved me back onto the hood of my car.

Jade stepped forward and collided her bare knuckles with his mouth and nose. He fell to the ground, blood squirting out of his face. The back of his head slammed into the asphalt of the parking lot and he was out cold.

The pasty skinned one took a step forward again, rubbing his jaw. His fist swung directly at Jade's face.

Her head snapped back upon impact, but she held onto the car for support. Blood was gushing from her now busted lip. Dizzily, she stomped on his foot and elbowed him in the nose. There was a disgusting cracking noise.

The other two stared. One of them, wearing a silver chain around his neck and sagging jeans, pulled out a switchblade and came charging at us.

I stood up and slammed my boot into his chest as hard as I could before he touched either of us with the knife. He stumbled backwards, but caught himself.

The fourth guy had a chain wrapped around his hand. He loosened his grip and began swinging it over his head. The tall man and the one with the knife both steadied themselves and were looking at us like hungry wolves.

I turned to Jade, who wasn't anywhere near to backing down. This was bad and we had to get out of here. I grabbed her wrist and ran towards to entrance of the restaurant.

When we entered, all eyes were on us; rather, all eyes were on Jade. Her knuckles were bleeding from scraping the short guy's teeth. Her face didn't look any better. Blood stained one of her leather sleeves. The look on her face could make children cry if they looked directly at her.

I took a deep breath and approached the counted. "Um, I'm here for a carryout order under the name of Hawthorne," I explained to the pimply faced cashier.

He nodded his head and picked up a large box with "Hawthorne" scribbled on the side. I handed him the money, he handed me the pizza and change.

Pizza in one hand, I turned Jade around and pushed her towards the door.

She moved robotically at my touch and walked out of the restaurant.

The group was no longer in the parking lot. That was a good sign.

We both climbed into the car and I set the pizza down on the dashboard. I reached in my miniscule backseat for a bottle of water. I always kept packs of water bottles in my car. I reached over Jade's lap and opened the glove compartment to retrieve my own pocket knife. I closed the glove compartment and used the knife to cut off the sleeve of my t-shirt. I poured water on the cloth and pressed it against Jade's bloody hand.

She flinched away from me in a jerky manner. Her face softened once she came to her senses and she took the cloth from me to clean the blood off on her own. "I'm sorry if I scared you back there," she mumbled, holding the wet cloth to her bloody mouth now.

I shook my head. "You weren't the one to scare me. In fact, having you there made me feel safer. Even more so when you started kicking some ass," I explained, smirking at her. "Are you okay?" I asked her worriedly.

Jade just leaned into the seat and nodded her head. She took the pizza box from the dashboard and held it on her lap.

I started the car and drove us back to the safety of my house. Oh, I hoped Mom wouldn't question Jade's battle wounds.

Jade didn't say another word until we were parked and the car was off. She looked thoughtful, like she had something to say but couldn't figure out the words. "Shiloh," she started. "I don't know what came over me. Normally I wouldn't have fought. I would have instinctive fled because we were out numbered. But then that mother fucker had to put his hands on you and I lost control. I let my anger take over me. Shit, I could've gotten us killed if you didn't force me to flee. I'm sorry, Shiloh." She cradled her face in her hands and let out a deep sigh.

I rubbed her back and said, "Don't feel bad about it. I threw the first punch. I started the violence when the other mother fucker challenged you. I guess one could say we were fighting for each others' honor." I laughed quietly to myself.

Jade let out a low chuckled and said, "I don't know about you, but my honor is nothing to fight for."

I shook my head and said, "Nonsense." With that, I took the pizza box from her, exited the car, and headed inside. "Mom, we're back with the pizza!" I called while tossing the pizza on the coffee table. I heard the front door close behind me and turned to see Jade closing it. I smirked at her and said, "Hold on, my knight, and let me get you some ice."

Jade groaned, "You're not going to tell anyone about this, right? I can't have people thinking I'm some sort of hero." She folded her arms and sat down on the couch.

I laughed at her and went into the kitchen to get her some ice. When I returned to the living room I chimed sarcastically, "God forbid the world knows of your kind, generous actions. Besides, I don't have to say anything. Your fist and mouth say enough."

She sneered at me and scoffed, "They do not. All they say is that I was in a fight. They don't speak a tale of me fighting for anyone's honor." She took the wrapped up ice from my and held it to her lip with her injured hand.

I heard the backdoor close and my mom came into the living room from the kitchen. She gasped when she saw Jade's state. "Good Gandhi, what happened to you, child?" she question in a shocked tone.

Jade looked at me and pulled the ice away from her face. "I fell," she stated blandly, as if that were a good enough answer.

Mom put her hands on her hips and huffed. "If you fell, then why are your knuckles torn? And why do you have blood on your jacket?" She shot and angry glance at me before sighing in defeat. She sank into the recliner and waved Jade off. She then placed three plates on the coffee table, taking one for herself.

We all ate in silence, my mother pretending she didn't see anything. After we finished, I told Jade she could borrow some of my clothes and clean herself up in my bathroom. I took the moment of free time to step outside and call Beck back.


	11. Awkward

**AN: I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday or the day before. I was preoccupied with this wonderful event called PUNKFEST. Pretty much for a good 12 hours straight I was stuck at a brutal punk music show and after weaving in and out of mosh pits, I needed a day to recover. Enough of my drabble. Here's your chapter.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Victorious. Duh.

* * *

**Beck's POV**

I was pacing the floor of my RV for what seemed like hours. I was a fool to think Shiloh would pick up the phone after the way I acted today. Odds were she was probably with Jade and Jade was probably brainwashing her into thinking I'm a terrible person. Perfect.

I laid myself down onto the couch, legs and feet too tired to keep pacing. I picked up a baseball and started tossing it in the air. I was startled when my PearPhone began vibrating in my pocket, and the baseball fell and hit me in the face.

I answered the call without even looking to see the name of the caller. "Hello?" I asked the receiver, rubbing my face where the baseball hit me.

"Hey, Beck," said Shiloh on the other end. "Sorry I missed your call. I would've called back sooner, but I was preoccupied." Yeah, she was probably preoccupied fawning over Jade.

I forced a cheery tone to my voice and said, "Don't worry about it. You're calling me back now. That's what counts."

She giggled and asked, "So why were you calling, anyway?"

"Oh, I just wanted to apologize for what I did today. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, sticking up for you and such, but when I didn't see you in class I figured it was a mistake," I explained to her, sitting up now.

"Don't worry about it, Beck. It's not like you punched someone in my defense," she commented, laughing uncontrollably to herself. "Besides, if you want to apologize to anyone, shouldn't it be to Jade?"

I almost growled at her, but I didn't. "Did Jade apologize to you for what she said?" I inquired.

"N-no, but," she stuttered. "Look, Beck, I don't want to take sides. You both are great people. You, however, don't know of the harm you cause people. You're oblivious, Beck."

"What are you talking about, Shiloh?" I asked her gruffly.

She sighed. "Beck, as much as I hate to say this, I really think Jade still loves you; rather, she's still not over you, not yet. And your hostility is only making things harder on her."

I punched a wall. "Look, our break-up was a mutual agreement. Our relationship was falling to pieces. I put my foot down. She threatened me. I let her go. That's what happened. And in case you are too blind to notice, she's been just as hostile to me." This time I didn't hold the growl back.

"Weren't you one of the people who told me to ignore her hostility because that's just who she is?" She was raising her voice now.

I grumbled. There was no way to come out the good guy. Then I smirked to myself. "You know what, Shiloh, I'm through with warning you about her. If you don't want to listen you don't have to. But I dare you to tell Jade how you feel and see if she doesn't react negatively." With that I hung up the phone and threw it across the room.

**Shiloh's POV**

He hung up on me! That ass. I didn't want to let him get to me though. And there was no way I was telling Jade anything, at least not yet.

I groaned and stormed back inside of the house. When I walked though the living room my mother casted me a worried glance. I walked pass her and up the stairs. When I entered my bedroom, I was caught completely off guard. Never would I have thought I'd walk in the see what I saw.

Jade was sitting on my bed, wearing nothing but a towel and a look of discontent.

I fought to find my voice and hide the flush on my face. I cleared my throat and asked, "Um, any reason you're in just a towel?"

She huffed and said, "Well, I was going to borrow your clothes like you suggested, but, how do I put this?"

"They don't fit," I stated, looking at her curved body and back down at my slender form. I scratched the back of my neck nervously. "I may have some clothes that are a little big on me that you could use to sleep in." I tore my gaze away from lingering on her body and walked to my armoire. "Here we are," I said pulling out a giant black t-shirt and plaid sweatpants. I handed them to her without looking at her face.

"Thanks," she mumbled. "I texted Cat and she said she'd give me a set of clothes for school in the morning. I'm over there enough that she has a few outfits of mine," she explained. "If her mom didn't hate my guts I'd be staying with her instead of burdening you."

I smiled softly to myself and joked, "Like I'd turn down someone as honorable as you."

She chuckled to herself and said, "Okay, Bashful, you can turn around. I'm dressed."

Great, it was obvious that I was avoiding looking at her body.

I turned around and suggested, "If you're uncomfortable we can stop by Cat's now and pick up at least a bra for you." My eyes shifted to her chest then darted away.

She smiled and stretched. "Nah, I usually sleep in the nude so I'm okay with going braless until the morning," she stated with a wink.

I could feel my face heating up again.

Jade punched my shoulder lightly and said, "I was joking. Damn, you're a prude." She continued to laugh to herself.

I nodded my head and said, "While you laugh at your own joke, I'm going to go take a shower." I opted for taking my clothes with me into the bathroom.

When I exited the bathroom in red basketball shorts and a grey wife-beater, Jade was sprawled on her stomach on my bed, face first in a pillow. She lifted her head up when I entered the room and muttered, "It's about damned time you got out."

I gave a nervous laugh and sat down next to her. "So, want to finish that movie?" I asked her with a shaky voice.

"Nope. I wanna hear a preview of the song you and André are working on," she said with a playful smirk.

I shook my head and said, "You've got to wait just like everyone else."

She huffed and sat up, crossing her arms over her unrestrained bust.

I kept my eyes focused on her face and asked, "So what, now you're just gonna pout about it?"

"I sang for you, today," she grumbled. "And I fought for your honor!" she pointed out proudly.

"You'll hear me sing tomorrow night with the guys," I countered. I picked up my PearPhone to see it was almost midnight. "And it's late. I'm going to bed now." I lied down and smashed my face in a pillow.

Jade snickered and said, "Okay, well, then goodnight, Sleeping Beauty." She left my bedroom without a word, flicking the light off behind her.

I shivered and rolled onto my back. There was no way I was sleeping tonight, not after seeing her like that.

* * *

Jade wasn't too happy when I woke her up early in the morning to take the ride to Cat's house for her clothes. She was pissed when she discovered my family didn't own a coffee maker and demanded I stop at Jet Brew before we got to Cat's. I did as commanded and picked her up a large black coffee with two sugars. I could've sworn I heard her moan in satisfaction after taking that first sip.

When we arrived at Cat's, she welcomed us in and even offered breakfast.

Jade ignored her and went directly to the bathroom to get ready for school.

I smiled softly and shrugged.

"So how did things go last night? Jade seemed pretty mad when you guys left yesterday," Cat brought up. "And what happened to her lip?"

I sighed and said, "It's a long story that isn't very important."

Cat had a thoughtful look on her face, like she was trying to imagine what could've happened. She then looked me up in down, as if she were assessing me. A playful smile crossed her face and she started giggling.

Before I could question her, Jade came down the stairs in acid washed jeans, red bots, a black tank top, and a dark red flannel of which she was currently buttoning up. She gave me a look and asked, "Can we get going before my coffee gets cold?"

I looked at Cat and offered, "Want to ride with us? The backseat if kind of small, but I can just push my seat up for you or something."

Cat looked between Jade and I before nodding her head.

I pulled my seat forward and made room in the backseat for Cat. The backseat was cluttered with water bottles and CD cases. Once a space was cleared, Cat hopped in and waited patiently for Jade and I to join her.

When I started the car I called back to Cat, "Find a CD and pass it here. There should be something other than loud and scary music."

"Kay kay!" she shouted before shuffling through the clusterfuck of CDs. "Oh my God, Shiloh, you listen to Regina Spektor?" she asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I do. Why don't you pass up Soviet Kitsch," I suggested. She handed me the CD and a popped it into the CD player. I smirked at Jade and skipped to the 8th track, "Your Honor."

Cat squealed and Jade choked on her coffee when the song came on. She eyed me curiously and rubbed her battered knuckles.

When we got to school, Jade stalked away from us, her coffee seeming like the only thing she cared about.

Cat followed me to my locker which I had decorated recently. She jumped in fright every time she saw it. My locker was painted in various dark colors and had a scary clown mask glued to the door. When I opened it, a pre-recorded dark laugh sounded. It always made me laugh, too, but it terrified Cat.

Beck approached us, holding his own coffee. "Good morning, Shiloh, Cat," he said with a friendly smile.

I took a rubber band out of my locker and pulled my hair into a ponytail, ignoring his greeting.

Cat said happily, "Good morning, Beck."

He looked down at me and stated, "Gee, Shiloh, you look terrible."

I glared at him.

"I-I mean you l-look exhausted," he stuttered out. He glanced at Jade from the corner of his eye as she was approaching us, and then looked back at me.

Jade handed me her coffee cup and said, "It's too cold for me to drink, now." She shrugged and popped a piece of gum in her mouth.

"Thanks?" I questioned. I eyed the cup, shrugged, and took a sip. It wasn't that bad cold, but it probably tasted a lot better hot. "Mmm, bittersweet."

Cat looked around anxiously, pointed off somewhere, and shouted, "Look, here comes Tori and Trina!" She ran off to greet the Vega sisters.

Beck seemed nervous being left alone with Jade and I. He caught sight of Robbie and almost ran away from us after the boy, calling, "Robbie, wait up."

I smiled weakly at Jade and shrugged again before shutting my locker.

She groaned, grabbed my by the wrist, and dragged me to our first class, Screen Writing.

I could only hope she didn't feel my pulse quicken at her touch.


	12. Music Do

**AN: I am so sorry for taking so long to update. I've had a really busy couple of days. But, to make up for my absence, here is a chapter that is twice as long as all the others. Yay! Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I encourage you to keep up the good work. Enjoy chapter 12.**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Victorious, but I don't, sadly. **

* * *

**Jade's POV**

It was the end of the day and I was standing by Shiloh's locker waiting for her to get out of class. What was taking that girl so long? Ugh. I continued to tap my foot impatiently.

Finally Shiloh started walking in my direction. Only she was with André and Vega. André must've said something funny because both girls were laughing and he was giving them his signature charming smile. The three of them made it to Shiloh's locker. When she opened it to put her books in, Vega jumped at the sound of the laughter. It was wonderful.

"God, that thing is freaky. How'd you rig it to do that?" Vega asked, shivering.

"Jade got Sinjin to help me set it up," she explained, smiling at me.

I smiled back before realizing André and Vega were right next to us. I put my scowl back on and asked, "So what the hell took so long?" I crossed my arms and stared hard at Shiloh.

André clapped his hands together and said, "Well, ya see, Tori swung by just as Shi and I were turning in our project so we had to show her, too."

My eyes widened and I glared at Shiloh. Even though it was most likely André's idea to show it to Vega, it still pissed me off that she got to hear it before I did.

"We all ended up staying after class because I got wrapped up in congratulating them," explained Vega. She turned to Shiloh and said, "Really, that was some powerful stuff. You wrote the lyrics?"

Shiloh closed her locker and looked bashfully at her feet. "André helped," she muttered.

He elbowed her and laughed. "Come on, now, take the credit. You practically wrote that whole thing yourself. I just supplied the music," he commented, rubbing her back supportively.

For some reason my blood was boiling just watching him lay one hand on her. Why shouldn't it, though? Robbie wasn't the only one who was staring at her legs yesterday. A growl escaped my throat and the three of them just stared at me. I straightened my stance and cleared my throat. I looked away and brushed my hair from my face.

Shiloh looked up at me sadly and then turned back to the others. "We should get going. But, we'll see you two tonight at the Tempest, right?" she asked them.

"Yeah, of course," said Vega happily.

"Sure thing, Shi," André said before dapping her off. He and Vega then walked away.

Shiloh turned to me and grinned. "Ready to go?" she asked rhetorically before leading the way out of the building.

Just before we exited the building, Sikowitz ran up to us. "Shiloh! Good, you haven't left yet."

Shiloh spun on her heel and faced him. "What's up, Uncle Erwin?" she asked.

He pulled a small package from behind his back and handed it to her. "I need you to give this to your father. Do not, under any circumstances, open this box!" He explained before letting go.

We both stared at him. Then we stared at the box. Then we looked back at him.

Sikowitz smiled, waved a hand, and shouted, "Bye!" before taking off in the opposite direction.

"Okay, I have to know what's in that box," I said to Shiloh.

She laughed at me and continued walking to the parking lot and to her car. She placed the package in the back seat and continued digging back there for a CD. Albeit it was kind of hypocritical to do after scolding the guys yesterday, I couldn't stop my eyes from lingering on her ass as she reached back there. Shiloh may be thin as a twig but she made up for it with her perfect ass.

When she came back to the front with a CD in hand, I turned my attention to outside my window, pretending that's what I was interested in. I didn't want Shiloh to feel uncomfortable around me and I'm sure that's exactly what would happen if she noticed my checking her out. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and she was smiling at me. I couldn't help but smile back.

She started the car, took out the CD from earlier, and put in a Cradle of Filth album. While we were driving, I noticed we weren't going in the direction of her house.

"Shiloh, where are we going?" I asked her, looking around us for some idea.

"We're going shopping. Gotta look good for tonight," she explained.

It figured. We were headed in the direction to the mall. As much as I hated shopping, I was glad I was going with Shiloh. Shopping with Cat was a living hell and whenever I used to shop with Beck he would only complain that every black shirt was the same. Some people just don't get it.

* * *

When we got back to Shiloh's house, it was already time for us to start getting ready. We rushed inside with our bags and her father's package. She tossed the package to her father since he was sitting in the recliner when we entered the house. The two of us then ran up the stairs and to her room where we emptied our bags.

I had bought a pair of black two-inch heeled boots, black stockings, and a slim black dress that hugged my curves. I decided that I would wear my leather jacket over it now that the blood had been cleaned off of it.

Shiloh bought herself a dark gray bomber jacket, a long white t-shirt, and red fishnet tights. She took out her scissors and cut the white shirt up, deciding to wear it over her red spaghetti strap with her black combat boots and black miniskirt.

She stopped acting as prudently as she had last night, actually being comfortable with changing in the same room. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't stare at her every time she wasn't paying attention to me.

I was busy straightening my hair when Shiloh's father knocked on the door.

She opened it, welcomed him inside, and closed the door behind him.

He smiled at me and said, "It's good to see you without a scowl, Jade." He laughed light-heartedly and pulled something out of his pocket, handing it to Shiloh. "Don't tell your uncle I'm sharing with you and definitely don't tell your mother. You know she'd kill me for handing this stuff to you. She already hates that I let you smoke in the house when she's not around."

Shiloh put whatever he handed her in her jacket pocket. She hugged him and said, "Dad, you're fucking awesome."

He shushed her and waved a scolding finger before exiting the room and waving goodbye.

I turned off the straightener and smirked at Shiloh. "Whatcha got there, Shi?" I asked curiously.

She shushed me and went into the bathroom to do her make-up, where I soon joined her.

I caught myself staring at her lips at she put on her red lipstick. What was wrong with me? I just couldn't stop staring at her today. I felt like I was losing it. I looked back at my reflection and poked at my split lip. Surely lipstick wouldn't hurt too badly. I took out my own red lipstick and applied it to my injured lips. It hurt, but it was a good kind of pain, one I could handle.

We were alerted by the sound of feet running up the staircase and down the hallway. We poked our head out of the bathroom to see Andy and two other guys run into the room. I stepped back into the bathroom, but they just ran over to the doorway.

Andy grinned at both of us and acknowledged us with a nod. He was wearing gray, ripped jeans, green Chucks, a black t-shirt, and his pink Mohawk was gelled up.

Next to him was a shorter guy, probably my height, with a black ponytail, aviators, and a suit on.

The last guy was dark skinned and had dreadlocks. His ears were gauged and he was wearing blue jeans and a black tank top. He whistled when he got a good look at us.

I glared and growled.

Shiloh laughed and patted my arm. "Jade, you've already met Andy. These two are Kendrick and Drew," she introduced, pointing to the dark skinned fellow first, then the short guy.

Drew nodded his head at me and Kendrick held out a hand, saying, "It's wonderful to finally meet you, Jade. Shiloh talks a lot about you."

I ignored his hand and turned my attention to Shiloh. "Do you, now?" I inquired with a smirk.

She looked away bashfully and asked, "So who wants to blaze up? My dad gave me a present, courtesy of Uncle Erwin." She smiled at me at the reference.

I couldn't believe it. Sikowitz gave her dad a package containing marijuana. I really shouldn't have been so surprised. He did say he drank coconut milk because it gave him visions.

Andy took off to close and stuff the door, tripping over my bag. I couldn't help but chuckle when he went face first into the carpet.

Shiloh shook her head and exited the bathroom to open the window. She nudged him with her foot and said, "Munch the carpet on your own time and hurry up with stuffing the door."

Kendrick and Drew were snickering now.

Andy stood up, closed and stuffed the door, and said, "Yes, ma'am, Miss Kettle."

I raised an eyebrow and Shiloh threw a shoe at him. She went to the armoire and retrieved her bong. She then skipped back over to me and filled it up in the bathtub.

Kendrick leaned against the door frame and smiled at me. "Hey, baby, you seeing anyone?" he asked flirtatiously. It made me want to puke and punch him.

I looked him up and down, trying to figure out if he was for real. "Excuse you?" I barked, taking a step forward.

He held his hands up in defense and said, "Sorry. I'm backing off. Didn't know you didn't swing with way."

He did not just say that. What was it with men and their egos? They always seem to assume that if a girl isn't interested in them, that the girl must be a lesbian. I was most definitely not a lesbian. Sure, I liked girls and I found them attractive, but I wasn't gay. I dated Beck for almost three years. I couldn't be a lesbian. There was just no way. And I wasn't going to sit here while I was accused of being one.

I just stared at him and said, "Oh, that is it."

Before I lunged at him, Shiloh grabbed a hold of my arms and held me back. "Jade, you can't kill him, he's my drummer," she explained. She then turned to Kendrick, who had an offended face on. "Kendrick, Jade isn't gay. And you're being an ass. Leave her alone," she scolded. She then let me go, picked the bong back up, and exited the bathroom.

I took one look at Kendrick and he hid behind Drew.

* * *

After we were all nice and toasted, Shiloh dug into her jacket pocket, pulled out her car keys, and tossed them at me.

I caught them and stared at her questioningly.

She smirked and said, "You can drive if you promise not to crash it again."

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the room. I could hear the footsteps of the others following behind me. I was a little nervous getting behind the wheel. I took a few deep breaths to stay calm before starting up the car.

Shiloh was smiling reassuringly at me.

I couldn't help but smile weakly in returned before leaving the house.

By the time we pulled up at the Tempest, the sun had already gone down and people were roaming the streets. The guys parked next to us. After getting out the car, Shiloh grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the entrance while the others hollered at us for not helping move equipment.

Upon entrance, everyone in the place greeted Shiloh. It was obvious she visited here often since all the employees seemed to know and like her. Then again, who wouldn't like Shiloh?

We sat down on a loveseat right next to the stage. Shortly after sitting down, a waitress in an old school bar maiden outfit came by. She was smiling excitedly and sat down on the armrest next to Shiloh. She pulled out a pen and notepad from her cleavage and asked, "So can I get you ladies something to drink?" She flirtatiously flipped her hair over her shoulder and fluttered her eyelashes.

Shiloh nodded and said, "Um, sure. I'll just take a bottle of water for now." She turned to me, ignoring the waitress's advancements. "What do you want, Jade?" she asked me kindly.

I smiled and raised my eyebrows, turning to face the slutty waitress, whose hand was on Shiloh's knee now. "Oh water will be fine. But what I really want is for this waitress to scurry off because flirting isn't going to get her a bigger tip," I said glaring at out server.

She glared back at me, jumped to her feet, and scoffed. She turned to Shiloh, smiling, and said, "I'll bring you your water in a jiffy." She turned to me and sneered, flipped her blonde hair again, and stomped away.

I smiled to myself in satisfactory. But why? Why was I being so possessive all of the sudden? Shiloh wasn't my property. Shiloh was just my friend. I had no reason to feel weirdly jealous and protective of her. Right?

I was taken away from my thoughts when we heard a loud pitched squeal coming from the entrance that could only come out of Cat's mouth. She ran over to us, along with Vega and André. "Hi, everyone," she said excitedly.

Shiloh stood up and greeted the three of them. "I'm so happy you guys could make it," she exclaimed, gesturing to the couch next to us for them to sit.

Vega and Cat sat down on the couch while André sat on the armrest, leaning forward to talk to Shiloh. He nudged her knee playfully and said, "Anything for, baby." The two laughed, both knowing he wasn't seriously flirting with her.

I, on the other hand, couldn't help but feel my blood boiling. To make things worse, Beck and Robbie both entered the establishment and walked over to us. I stretched my arm across the back of the loveseat behind Shiloh.

Beck stared at me curiously before the two took a seat on the large couch next to Cat and Vega.

Cat jumped out of her seat and said, "I gotta pee." She turned to Shiloh and asked, "Can you come with me to the bathroom?"

Shiloh looked around to notice everyone else was ignoring Cat, before sighing. "Sure thing, Cat." She stood up and escorted the girl to the restroom.

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

Once we were in the restroom, Cat couldn't contain herself. She was having a giggling fit.

"Cat, what's s funny?" I asked her.

She shook her head and calmed down. "So," she said, raising her eyebrows and smirking.

I looked around me, trying to understand the joke I was missing out on. "So?"

"So how's it going with," she looked around before whispering, "Jade?"

My shoulders slumped and I shook my head. "Cat, is that why we're in here, to talk about Jade?" I asked her.

She frowned and her face turned serious. "I think you should make your move tonight," she suggested.

I shook my head again.

She grabbed my by my sleeves and shook me. "Come on, Shiloh. She's obviously into you, too. Or can't you tell?"

I was ignoring her now. Jade definitely wasn't into me. There was just no way. And I was going to prove it. "Fine, Cat, you know what, I'll do it. I'll make my move tonight if only to prove to you that she isn't interested in me."

Cat rolled her eyes, took my hand, and dragged me out of the restroom.

* * *

**Jade's POV**

I can't say I was happy to see the two exiting the restroom holding hands. In fact, it made my hairs stand on end.

Beck took notice of my growing anger and scooted closer to the armrest next to him.

Cat let go of Shiloh's hand reluctantly and took her seat between Robbie and Vega.

Shiloh didn't sit down. She glanced back at me and took a seat on the edge of the stage while the guys were setting up behind her. She whistled and snapped her fingers to get their attention. Once she had it, she introduced them to the others.

The waitress had returned with two bottles of water. She glanced between Shiloh and I before smirking to herself and handing us our drinks.

"We're ready when you are, Chief," shouted Kendrick from behind Shiloh at his drum set.

She stood up and called to the man behind the bar, "Can we get started?"

He gave her a thumbs up.

She grinned before taking off her bomber jacket and throwing it at the empty space on the loveseat that she was taking up earlier. She took a large sip of water and set the bottle down on the stage next to the microphone stand.

Getting on the mic, she said, "I apologize for the lack of originality, but I do hope everyone enjoys the covers. This is for my wonderful new friends. You guys have been awesome to me." She smiled at all of us and signaled for the guys to start playing. The first song they were to cover was "Twisted Transistor" by KoЯn.

"_Hey you, hey you,_

_Devil's little sister,_

_Listening to your,_

_Twisted transistor,_

_Hold it between your legs," _Shiloh slapped her thighs at this line and pointed to the sky before continuing.

"_Turn it up, turn it up!_

_The wind is coming through. _

_Can't get enough._

_A lonely life _

_Where no one understands you._

_But don't give up,_

_Because the music do!"_

Andy started growling the line "music do" repeatedly.

"_Because the music do,_

_And it is reaching_

_Inside you!_

_Forever preaching,_

_Fuck you, too!" _Shiloh shoved her middle finger in Kendrick's face.

"_Your scream's a whisper._

_Hang on you_

_Twisted transistor."_ She walked back up to the front of the stage and jumped down in front of us.

"_Hey you, hey you,_

_Finally you get it._

_The world ain't fair._

_Eat you if you let it." _She tussled Beck's hair, messing it up, and walked away from him and toward me.

"_As your tears fall on,"_ She ran a finger down my cheek and I snapped my teeth at her with a smirk.

"_Your breasts, your dress._

_Vibrations coming through,_

_You're in a mess." _She turned around and walked back to the stage, stepping back onto it.

"_A lonely life _

_Where no one understands you._

_But don't give up,_

_Because the music do!"_

This time Drew repeated "music do" in a somewhat high pitched scream.

"_Because the music do,_

_And it is reaching_

_Inside you!_

_Forever preaching,_

_Fuck you, too!_

_Your scream's a whisper._

_Hang on you_

_Twisted transistor."_

Both Andy and Drew continued to growl and scream "music do."

"_Hey you, hey you,_

_This won't hurt a bit!_

_Says who, says who?_

_Anesthetize this bitch!"_

Shiloh jumped back off the stage and sat down on the edge in front of us.

"_Just let me be_

_Between you and me, don't fit."_ She sat there pouting, waiting for the music to pick back up so she could finish.

"_Music do,_

_And it is reaching_

_Inside you!_

_Forever preaching,_

_Fuck you, too!_

_Your scream's a whisper._

_Hang on you_

_Twisted transistor."_

We all erupted with applause. Even some of the others in the establishment applauded Shiloh and her friends. I looked over to the others only to catch Beck with a dreamy look in his eyes as he watched her on stage.

I bit my lip as hard as I could to calm myself down, forgetting about my injury. It started to bleed. I sucked on it so no one would see the blood. Better it fill my mouth than spill all over the place.

After a few more songs, I was tempted to rip out Beck's lusting eyes. He couldn't keep them off of Shiloh and it was making me sick. I knew he could feel my intense glaring, he just chose to ignore it. That, or he was too distracted by Shiloh.

André and Kendrick were wrapped up in a conversation about writing music. Cat and Vega were flirting with Andy who was flirting back. Drew and Robbie were talking about something nerdy, like Galaxy Wars or something.

All the talking was giving me a headache. I groaned, stood up, and walked outside, leaving Beck and Shiloh to themselves. It was getting late and the air was growing a little colder. I was contemplating going back inside and asking Andy to buy me a drink. Shiloh had told me he'd do it, no questions asked, because even though he was old enough, Andy didn't drink. And right now, I really wanted a drink.

Shiloh came outside and smiled weakly at me.

I didn't acknowledge her.

She put and hand on my shoulder and asked, "Jade, are you okay?"

I stepped back, making her hand slip away. "I just can't stand seeing him look at you like that," I growled. I leaned my back against a brick wall.

"You do know I'm ignoring his looks, right? I've told him numerous times that he isn't my type. His ego just seems to forget that sometimes," she muttered, looking at her feet. A cold wind blew and she shivered, having left her bomber jacket inside. She shook her head and looked me in the eyes. Her own dark eyes looked pained and she shifted her feet nervously.

I sighed. "I believe you, Shiloh, you know I do. It still hurts to see him look at you like that," I whispered.

"And it hurts me to see how this affects you. You're better than this, Jade. You deserve to be happy. You shouldn't let him get in the way of that. You need to move on," she explained simply, placing a reassuring hand on my arm.

Her touch was burning through my leather sleeve. I yanked my arm away and said, "Yeah, because that's so easy for me. In case you haven't noticed, Shiloh, even my stalker won't give me the time of day anymore." I growled at the sky and myself.

Shiloh took my hands in hers. "Jade, enough with the self-pity. You are an amazing person. You're charming, you're funny, and you're drop dead gorgeous. If Beck was so willing to throw that away, then he isn't worth your anger or sadness. He isn't worth anything. Anyone who can't see that is just worthless," she explained, squeezing my hands in hers.

I just stared at her, speechless. Her eyes looked more confident now, but they still looked pained. I wanted to say anything, but couldn't. Not because there was a frog in my throat, but because before I opened my mouth, Shiloh's lips were on mine.

I jerked away from her. I couldn't believe or understand this. Shiloh had kissed me. I just stared at her. "What the fuck was that?" I asked with a growl. I couldn't stop it. My anger was getting the best of me. I shouldn't be mad at her. I should be happy she likes me. But I wasn't. For some reason I was pissed. That reason was because of this secret she was keeping from me. Soon, everything added up. Her turning down every single guy that looked her way, the inside jokes between her and Andy, the concern looks from her parents every time I was over, it all made sense now. Shiloh was a lesbian. And she never bothered to say anything to me about it.

She stepped back from my fury, a pained expression covering her face.

I snarled and stomped away. I heard her calling after me, but I didn't care. I needed to clear my head. And I needed to get away from her.


	13. Secrets

**AN: Because I feel so guilty for letting you guys hang, I'm updating twice today. Isn't that exciting? This chapter is dedicated to kikouma. And don't worry, everyone, Jade and Shiloh are still going to happen. I just can't make things simple for them, though. No, it must be complicated otherwise it wouldn't be as entertaining. So read and review and enjoy chapter 13.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious but I do own a pretty nifty bass guitar. **

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

When I returned home from the Tempest my parents informed me that Jade came by, picked up her things, and left without a word. I found out the next day that she was staying with Cat until her mom came back that Sunday. The whole weekend Cat was texting me trying to figure out what happened. I, on the other hand, spent my whole weekend ignoring everyone's calls and texts because the only person I wanted to talk to was ignoring me. I tried calling and texting Jade all night Friday and all morning Saturday. She made it apparent she wanted nothing to do with me after what I did. And it was killing me. So what did I do? I holed up in my room for an entire weekend and smoked a good ounce of pot by myself, dreading school on Monday.

Monday morning, I had to force myself out of bed. I was terrified of what would happen. I didn't put any make-up on. I didn't style my hair in anyway. I put on a gray t-shirt, gray jeans, and gray Chucks. I wasn't happy enough to wear colors, and if I wore black I would just think of the gothic girl who was ignoring me.

I could still taste her blood on my lips from when I kissed her that night. Everything I hate or drank tasted like iron and nothing else. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was the hateful look on her face as she jerked away from me and stomped off. I let my feelings get in the way and I lost my new best friend. I was so foolish to listen to Cat.

When I got to school I walked straight to my locker, ignoring everyone who may have tried to greet me. As I was swapping out my books I was imagining how fun it would be to just slam the door on my own head. Before I could think of doing that, Beck approached me with Cat at his heals. I pulled my head out of the locker and shut it.

The two both had sympathetic looks on their faces. Beck's was mixed with disappointment and Cat's was mixed with fear.

I sighed. Pointing at Beck, I said, "I know, I know. You told me so. I didn't listen. I listened to Cat. I made my move. I fucked up."

Cat flinched at my use of a swear word. Her eyes began to water and she hugged me. "I'm sorry, Shiloh! I could've sworn I was right, but I was wrong. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm so sorry." The shorter girl was sobbing all over my shirt, her face pressing into my chest like a scared child.

I patted her head and sighed again. "It's okay, Cat. It's not your fault. Please stop crying." I looked at Beck for some help.

He shifted nervously and pulled Cat off of me. He looked down. "I'm sorry, too, Shiloh. I was an asshole about everything going on. I shouldn't have been a jerk to you. I should've tried to help your," he looked around, searching for the word he wanted to say, "situation." He cleared his throat.

I shook my head. "She's your ex-girlfriend, Beck. I'd have been concerned if you were trying to help me," I explained sadly. I looked between the two and asked, "Does anyone else know about this?"

They shook their heads. "Beck and I haven't said a word about it and Jade just refuses to talk," explained Cat. Great. Jade wouldn't even talk to her. I must've really pissed her off.

As if on queue, Jade walked by, heading toward her locker.

I waved and weakly croaked, "Hey, Jade."

She stopped and looked at me dead in the eye before giving me the cold shoulder and power walking to her locker.

I looked back at Beck and Cat. Beck gave me a hug and walked to his locker.

Cat smiled at me.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Now that he's gone, we need to talk," she said seriously.

"What do you mean, Cat?" I asked her, having no clue what could be going on in the young girl's mind.

She giggled and said, "Come with me," before grabbing my hand and dragging me to the janitor's closet.

She closed the door behind us and had a sneaky look on her face.

"Cat, why are we in a closet?" I asked her, playing along with her game, whatever it was.

"Because Jade is," she stated.

I looked around. "No, she's not, Cat. It's just you and me in here."

She giggled. "That's not what I meant, Shiloh. I meant we're in a real closet because Jade is in a metaphorical one," she explained.

I rolled my eyes.

"Beck still doesn't know about Jade liking girls so I had to wait for him to leave before I could talk to you about this. When Jade came over she was fuming. I thought she was going to kill me! But she's not mad at you because you kissed her, Shiloh. She's mad because you never told her you were gay. She's mad at herself now for the way she acted about it. Most of all, she's mad that there's nothing she can do about it because she likes you and can't be with you."

I stared at her. "Who says she can't be with me?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Jade's a very proud person. I just don't think she's ready to come out yet. That's why we've got to make her come out and admit that she likes girls and that she likes you."

I sighed. "You make it sound so easy, Cat."

She smiled deviously and said, "That's because it is."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"If there's anything everyone knows about Jade, it's that she's the jealous type. All we have to do is make Jade jealous and she'll be all over you like color on a rainbow." She giggled at her plan.

I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I asked, "And how do you plan to accomplish that?"

As if the answer my question, Cat giggled, stood on her tiptoes, and gave me a small peck on the lips. With a smirk she said, "Simple. We pretend to date. Jade knows your secret so you can't start dating a guy without making it obvious that you're compensating. But if you start dating another girl, especially someone she knows, she'll definitely get jealous."

I stared at her. Cat was an evil genius. I really, really had to stop underestimating her.

"So, Shiloh, will you be my fake girlfriend?" she asked seriously.

I nodded my head. "Sure. But if this doesn't work," I started.

"Then we'll call it quits and go back to being best friends," she finished for me. She stuck out her open palm, waiting for me to take her hand.

I took it and she guided me out of the closet. The bell rang and she escorted me to class, not letting go of my hand. She saw Jade heading our way since Jade and I had the same first period. Cat smirked and gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye before skipping away to her own class.

Jade walked passed me and into the classroom. She didn't even glance at me. It was like she couldn't even look at me. And it hurt.

* * *

When I entered Uncle Erwin's classroom, Jade was sitting away from everyone. I saw Cat waving for me to sit next to her and I obliged.

When Uncle Erwin entered the classroom from the window, Cat ran over to him. She whispered something in his ear which caused him to choke on his coconut milk. He eyed her curiously and she gave him a serious look. He whispered something back to her and she squealed happily before skipping back to her seat.

"What was that about?" I whispered to her.

She smiled at me and whispered back, "I figured it would be a good idea to explain the situation to your uncle."

"Which situation?" I muttered under my breath carefully. I didn't want him to know how in love I was with Jade.

"That we're dating, silly," This time, Cat forgot to whisper. Actually, I don't think she forgot at all.

That got the class's attention. Everyone was staring at us. I don't know who was more shocked: All of Cat's friends who thought she was straight, or Jade.

"What did that dizzy red-head just say?" asked Rex obnoxiously.

"I think she just said her and Shiloh are dating," summarized André in disbelief.

Robbie laughed nervously and said, "Yeah but that would mean that they're,"

"Gay," barked Jade from the back with a scowl on her face.

Uncle Erwin stepped down from the stage and said, "Now, Jade, I normally welcome your bitterness, but not when it's accompanied by bad vocabulary. Yes, one can assume these two girls are 'gay' since the definition of the word is 'happy' and both seem pretty happy to me. I will not stand for you using the word like a derogatory statement of their sexuality."

Jade straightened in her chair, taking his words as a challenge. "Now, Sikowitz, if I wanted to use a derogatory statement I wouldn't have said 'gay.' Instead I would've called them dykes."

He pointed to the door and said, "Out of my classroom, now, Jade. I do not have the tolerance for your judgment today."

Jade huffed, grabbed her things, and stormed out of the classroom.

I looked at Cat who was smiling successfully.

* * *

When lunch came around, Jade didn't sit at a different table, but she did sit far away from Cat and me.

"So, Shiloh, how long have you been a, um," Tori was struggling with her word of choice.

"A lesbian?" I asked. "I've been one ever since I knew what to call it. I've always like girls. Lucky for me when I talked to my parents about it, they told me it was completely normal so I've never thought anything but. I didn't feel weird or different because of it. I felt weird and different because I acted weird and different," I explained to her and everyone else. "Sorry I didn't tell you all right away. It just didn't seem like I had to. Straight people don't announce their straightness, right?"

They all nodded in agreement, except for Jade.

"What about you, Cat. I never pegged you to be a lesbian, what with all the boys you've dated," commented Beck.

Cat giggled. "I'm not a lesbian. I'm a pansexual," she explained.

"Pansexual?" questioned Robbie.

"A pansexual is someone who is attracted to whomever they're attracted to regardless of gender. Pretty much someone who is blind to gender cards and fucks just to fuck, not caring if who they're fucking is a man or a woman," explained Jade. She continued eating her salad like she hadn't said a word.

Cat's jaw dropped at the description. Jade made it sound like Cat was a whore.

Everyone else was looking between Cat and Jade, trying to figure out why Jade was being so mean to her or if Cat really was a sexual deviant.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat screamed, tears filling her eyes.

Jade shrugged. "You tell me, you're the pansexual."

Cat huffed, grabbed her things, and ran off. She should have expected Jade to be mean. This was her plan.

I reached across the table, grabbed Jade by the shirt, and growled, "What was that about?"

She pulled my hand off of her and asked, "What was what about?"

"The hostility! Why are you being so mean about this? I thought we were all friends, Jade."

She looked me dead in the eye with her cold icy blues and stated, "Friends are people you can trust. You don't keep secrets from your friends." She picked up her things and left the table.

The others were all staring at me. I growled, grabbed my things, and ran off the find Cat. I checked the janitor's closet first. Nothing. Next I checked the girls' restroom. I heard someone sobbing in one of the stalls. Thinking it was Cat, I opened the stall door.

I saw Jade, eyes running, scissors against her pale skin.

I grabbed her wrist and yanked it away from her arm, squeezing until she dropped the scissors.

She kicked at me, but I let her go and backed up. She stood up and swung at me, but I grabbed her wrist again, then the other one. I pinned them above her head and pressed her into the wall of the stall. She whimpered.

I hadn't noticed I was squeezing her already cut wrist, blood seeping from between my fingers. I stared at the blood as Jade thrashed under my grip. "Jade, everyone had secrets. Others are better at hiding them. Some people aren't hiding them at all. They're just so obvious they don't say a word. I'm sorry if I wasn't obvious enough for you to understand. Jade, I don't care if you don't like me back. I just want to be your friend. I just want you to accept me for who I am. I just want to forget the kiss ever happened."

Her knees buckled underneath her. I let go of her wrists and she fell into my arms, sobbing quietly.

I pushed her away carefully and took her damaged wrist in my hand. "Jade, you have to cut this out. You have to stop this. Please," I begged.

She looked at me with the most pained expression I'd ever seen. She wiped away the tears, put her jacket back on, and exited the restroom.

I picked up the scissors, washed them off along with my hands, and put them in my bag. I would give them to her later. Right now I was more confused than ever. I screamed in fury and punched out a mirror. Seven years of bad luck didn't seem so bad after today.

* * *

**AN: Holy shit I didn't notice this until after I published the chapter. Way to go me. I ended chapter 13 talking about bad luck. That wasn't even on purpose. Neat. Well then, good bye everyone. Sorry for rambling down here.**


	14. Juggernaut

**AN: Holy hell, it's another chapter. Three in one day? You betcha! Love me? Love me now? You guys better. I hope these updates make up for my slacking. Please enjoy and read and review. Seriously, review you guys. It makes my day to read your reviews. I need them, like cocaine or something. Not really like cocaine. I wouldn't touch that stuff unless it was given to me by Charlie Sheen. I kid. Enough of my rambling. On with the plot!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. I do not own Coheed and Cambria. I do not own a soul for I have sold it to the devil.**

* * *

**Jade's POV**

"_Keep your secrets in the dark.  
Nothing matters anymore.  
Body's breaking, drive me crazy.  
This is not your place."_

Angrily, I turned off the radio. Music wasn't helping me distract myself. No, it was just upsetting me even more. Fuck Shiloh. Fuck her and her way of always knowing what to say. Fuck her and her rationality. Fuck her and her beautiful voice. Fuck her and her perfect body. Fuck her and her dark, endless eyes. Fuck her!

A furious howl ripped out of my being and I pulled over to the side of the road. I couldn't keep driving, not like this. I could barely see in front of me with how wet my eyes were. I screamed again and slammed my head onto the steering wheel. I pulled my hair. What could I do?

I found myself digging in my purse for my PearPhone. Once I retrieved it, I dialed a number I hadn't dialed in ages, one that never needed to be dialed because it was always number one on my speed dial. I called Beck.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Beck, it's Jade," I croaked, trying to hide that fact that I couldn't stop crying.

"I know, I have caller ID. Why are you calling? I thought you hated me."

"This is going to sound crazy, but I kind of need your assistance."

"You mean you need my help," he clarified. Smartass.

I groaned. "Yes." I swallowed my tears, my pride, and the frog stuck in my throat. "Please?"

"Where are you, because I know you can't still be at school?" There he was. The Beck I knew. The Beck that, no matter what, would stay calm and collected. The Beck that would do anything to help another, even if he didn't like that person very much. The Beck that used to love me, but has moved on.

"I'm a few blocks away from the school. I-I didn't get very far." I hiccupped and bit my lip to silence anymore that would attempt to escape. My lip was never going to heal.

He sighed audibly. "I'll be there soon." With that, he hung up.

I took a deep breath and removed my keys from the ignition. I then received a text from Cat.

**Cat: You're not mad at me for asking out Shiloh, right?**

I sighed and typed back.

**Me: No**

**Cat: Then why were you being so mean to me? **

**Me: I was caught off guard, Cat**

**Cat: You basically called me a whore in front of all our friends!**

I flinched. Cat never swore. I must've really upset her. God, I was terrible friend.

**Me: I'm sorry, Cat**

**Cat: Sorry? You're sorry?**

**Me: Yes?**

**Cat: You shouldn't be apologizing to me, Jade. You should apologize to Shiloh. And to yourself!**

**Me: Myself?**

**Cat: Yes! You should feel sorry for constantly lying to yourself.**

**Me: Cat, what are you talking about?**

**Cat: It doesn't matter anymore. You lost your chance. Shiloh is mine now.**

Before I could begin to reply, there was a tap on my window. I jumped and turned to see Beck standing there with a sad face. I had a déjà vu moment to back when he and I were the hostile ones and Shiloh was the one running to calm my fury. Everything was so mixed up now.

I grabbed my purse, put the keys and phone back in it, and climbed out of the car. I locked it and followed him to his truck. He opened the passenger door for me and I hopped inside.

Once he joined me, he turned the truck back on and started driving.

I was waiting for him to say something, anything. I know he saw my tear streaked face. I know he saw my running make-up. I know he saw the blood stains on my hands. Why wasn't he saying anything? I realized he was waiting for me to talk, to explain to him why I needed his help.

"Beck," I choked, trying to find my voice. "Am I a bad person?" I asked.

"Yes," he stated bluntly.

I stared at him.

"You're a bad person as of now. Shiloh put her heart out there for you and you stepped on it. Worse, when she turned around and accepted Cat's offer to date, you turned into a bigger bitch than I could imagine. Last week, you, Cat, and Shiloh were the best of friends. Now they're dating and you're being crueler to them than you've ever been. So, yes, you are a bad person, Jade."

I looked down and my hands and hugged myself. "How do I fix this, Beck?"

"I can't tell you anything I hadn't already suggested while we were together. You were the one always pissed that I tried to 'change' you, now you're asking me how you should change?" He glanced at me then back at the road.

"I'm not going to turn into a nicer person, Beck."

"I know. You're who you are. You're the most honest person I know. Sure, you may be blunt and crude, but you're still honest. And you don't care what other people think about you. With you, there were never any secrets."

I cupped my face in my hands and started crying again.

Beck parked the truck. I peaked out the window to see we were at his RV. We exited the truck and went inside.

Beck handed me a bottle of water and sat down next to me on his couch, a place where I used to sleep frequently whenever I was fighting with my parents and didn't want to burden Cat.

I wiped the tears away and took a sip of water.

"Did I say something?" Beck asked, wondering what trigger was pulled for me to start crying like that.

"I lied," I whispered.

"What?"

"I lied!" I shouted at him, standing up to pace the floor. "When we were together, I lied through my teeth. Not about everything, but about one thing in particular. It wasn't really a lie, more of a secret. It was just something I never told you. But unlike you being born in Canada, this was something no one else knew, no one but Cat. And Shiloh, maybe." I sighed and sat down on his bed, a place where I could recall many heated moments that never were because of what I was about to tell him. "Beck, I'm, I might be, I think I'm, I'm not attracted to men. I'm only attracted to women," I whispered it, hoping if it couldn't be heard, that it couldn't be true.

But Beck heard it. He heard every word. Because he listened. He always did. He choked on a laugh and muttered to himself, "Would have been nice to know this three years ago." He stood up and walked over to me before pulling me off his bed and into a hug. "I'm so sorry I never noticed. I must've been a terribly oblivious boyfriend."

I laughed in his embrace and mumbled, "That or I'm just really good at hiding things."

"Unless you're trying to hide your anger or jealousy," he added with a light-hearted laugh. He kissed the top of my forehead and suggested, "Why don't I take you back to your car now that you seem capable of driving?"

I smiled weakly and said, "I'd like that."

We reached my car in no time. Before we parted, we shared another smile. "Thank you, Jade, I didn't want to attend my last class anyway," he joked as I exited the vehicle. "Good luck with whatever you decide to do," he called out before driving back to his RV.

I got into my car and drove to Cat's. As expected, Shiloh's car was parked on the curb. I pulled up in front of her car and parked. I used what was left of the water in the water bottle Beck had given me to wash my hands and face. Once I was cleaned up, I was ready to go in and apologize to my two best friends.

When I knocked on the door, Cat's mother answered. She groaned, "What do you want, Jade?" She tapped her foot impatiently.

I forced a polite smile and said, "I'm here to see my friends, Cat and Shiloh."

She rolled her eyes and said, "They're upstairs," before welcoming me in and shutting the door. I could've sworn I heard her mumble something behind my back as she walked away.

I brushed it off and walked up the stairs and to Cat's bedroom. Not expecting to see what I was going to, I casually opened the door.

And there they were. The two were making out on top of Cat's bed. Surprisingly, Cat was on top. More surprisingly, neither noticed me standing there.

I felt invisible, like a ghost. My heart sank. I chewed on my destroyed lip, closed to door, and walked back down the stairs. I was keeping my cool, at least until I got back inside of my car. Really, I shouldn't be pissed about what I saw. The two were dating now. But even so, I could feel my heart breaking all over again.

I took a deep breath and turned the radio back on, continuing the song I turned off earlier.

"_No, this is not your playground it's my heart!  
We were stupid, we got caught!  
Nothing matters anymore.  
So, what? Here we are, Juggernaut!"_

I turned it off and found myself screaming at it, "Stop mocking me!" Growling, I sped of to my house.

My mother paid me no mind when I stormed into the house and slammed the door shut behind me. She continued to read the book she had in her hands as she was curled up on the couch. It was then I got an idea. I was going to forget about this, the same way I would forget about a lot of my problems.

I texted Beck.

**Me: Be at my house in about ten minutes.**

**Beck: Okay?**

I went back outside and walked across the street to the guitar player/ex-con's house. I knocked on it and he opened to door with a surprised smile on his face.

"Jade, I haven't seen you in a while. Not since you and your boy broke up. How can I help you?" He leaned against the doorway and looked me up and down, making sure I wasn't here as a threat.

I took out my wallet and pulled out a hundred dollar bill, handing it to him. "Green," is all I said.

He nodded and looked back at the money. "Hmm, money sure does talk. And this money says a lot. Wait right there. I'll be back in a second." He scurried into the back of his house, leaving the door ajar.

I tapped my foot impatiently and waited for him to come back.

After must more than a second, he returned with a Ziploc bag filled with what he called, "the good stuff."

"Pleasure doing business with you," I said upon taking the bag from him.

"Any time," he said before closing the door.

I walked back across the street and waited for Beck.

He pulled up exactly ten minutes after I had sent the text. The boy had good timing. He climbed out of his truck and walked over to me. "Why am I here?" he asked.

I rose up the bag as an answer and he nodded his head. We snuck around to my backyard and into my shed. He sat down on the tattered couch while I picked open a jammed drawer on the end table next to him. Once I got it open, I pulled out a bone shaped pipe and handed it and the weed to Beck.

He took it happily and broke apart a nug into the bowl. He took out his trusty Zippo and hovered it over the corner of the bowl as he inhaled. Upon exhaling, he smirked and said, "That's the good stuff."

I nodded and took the piece from him to take my own hit.

We continued passing it back and forth until we had smoked a good three bowls out of it.

Beck laughed and said, "It's been a while since we've done this."

"Together, maybe," I stated, "but while hanging with Shiloh, this was an everyday thing."

"I know, I smoked with her a few times," he commented.

I raised my pierced eyebrow and asked, "Oh really? When?"

"Well," he started, "last time we smoked it was last week. She skipped her math class and I skipped Spanish. We met up in my truck and hot boxed it."

I scoffed. "What? You're kidding me, right?" I asked in disbelief. Even I never smoked on campus.

He kept laughing and said, "Nope!"

I slumped in my seat and looked at him. "Wait a second, you never allowed me to smoke in your truck," I growled playfully, too high to actually get mad at him. For that, he was lucky.

"That's because I didn't start smoking in the truck until after we broke up," he muttered. "Remember, whenever we toked on the road it was in your car?" He elbowed me.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah, I remember."

It was quiet for a bit until Beck started humming. Worse, he was humming the song that continued to mock me.

"Why are you humming that?" I groaned, slinging my arm over my face and draping it across my eyes.

"Humming what?" he asked, pretending to play dumb.

"Here We Are Juggernaut by Coheed and Cambria. Why are you humming that?"

"Oh, because it makes me think of you," he stated.

I groaned again. "Why?" I whined.

"Because a juggernaut is an overwhelming, unstoppable force that crushes everything in its path, like you. You're unstoppable," he explained.

"And I'm also overwhelming and crush everything in my path, right?" I asked, taking offense now.

"Not necessarily. More like, you crush anything standing in the way of what you want." He laughed to himself. "Just please don't crush Cat. You and I both know you'll regret it."

I shook my head. That was the last thing I was thinking about. I would never hurt Cat. Who would? Hell, who could? Even I wasn't that heartless. Of course my mind wondered back to scene I walked in on and I'd be lying if I said it didn't irk me knowing Cat had what I wanted.

I pulled out my PearPhone a reread her last message.

**Cat: It doesn't matter anymore. You lost your chance. Shiloh is mine now.**

I put it away and sang to myself.

"_Nothing matters anymore."_

Beck took my hand and sang the last line with me.

"_So, what? Here we are, Juggernaut!"_


	15. Wrong

**AN: Here's your damned update, people. You know what to do. Read it. Review it. Enjoy. Also, I have a big surprise in stored for you all. Something no one will guess. So keep your eyes pealed for the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Victorious is not mine and will never be mine. **

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't having fun with this. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love walking into school, Cat's hand in mind, and seeing the different emotions displayed on Jade's face.

She's trying to be a little nicer, to Cat at least. She glares at us a lot, but still hangs around. What was strange is that she and Beck were getting along. In fact, the two acted like best friends.

We were all sitting at the lunch table. André, Beck and Jade were talking about guitars. Robbie was asking Tori for dating advice, while she couldn't think of any advice that would help the poor boy. Cat was curled up to my side, nuzzling my neck with her nose in hopes that Jade would look our way and get mad.

She did, and when she glanced at us, her smirk fell.

I smirked and began feeding Cat her sweet potato fries.

Tori chimed in, ignoring Robbie now, "Aww, you guys are just too cute."

I smiled at Cat and she giggled playfully.

Jade groaned under her breath and rolled her eyes.

"And hot. How about you show us a little girl on girl action?" remarked Rex.

Cat's jaw dropped.

"Rex!" shouted Robbie in a parental tone.

"Robbie, I've had it with that puppet!" I growled at him.

"Don't call him a puppet!" Robbie yelled back.

I growled again and got up from my seat. I reached across the table, yanked Rex out of Robbie's arms, and chucked him far away.

Jade covered her mouth and chuckled as Robbie ran to retrieve the puppet.

"So guess what Shiloh and I are doing this weekend," Cat exclaimed while clapping her hands.

"Do you really want us to guess?" Jade asked suggestively, smirking at the red-head.

Cat put on a tough face and attempted to glare at the gothic girl. She sighed and put her happy face back on. "Shiloh's taking me to get my first tattoo! Isn't that exciting?" She squealed.

"What?" Jade asked, looking between the two of us.

"Tattoo?" questioned Tori.

"You do know getting a tattoo is painful, right?" pointed out Beck.

"And it's permanent," added André.

"Yeah, Shiloh explained it to me. But after seeing all her tattoos it made me want one," she explained, running her fingers up and down my arm.

Jade's eyes widen. "You've seen all her tattoos?" she asked, shocked. Beck tried rubbing her back to calm her down, but pulled his arm away once she glared at him for touching her.

I looked bashfully at the table and sat back down. The others had only seen the dragon and the moon. Jade had been the only one to see the other five, because I've changed clothes in front of her before. Really, Cat hadn't seen all my tattoos. She had seen the rose and knife, but the other three were in hidden places. There was a raven with its wings spread out covering my left shoulder blade, jumbled music notes trailing up and down the left side of my ribcage, and a keyhole between my breasts.

"Of course," commented Cat, taking my hand and looping our fingers together. She cupped my chin and gave me and quick peck on the lips before going back to eating her lunch.

I turned my gaze to Jade who had taken out a pair of scissors and was cutting up a notebook.

"So, Lil' Red, whatcha gonna get?" asked André before taking a bite out of his pizza.

"I'm not sure. Shi-shi says they have picture albums of all these different things. I figured I'll look through those before making a decision," explained Cat.

Jade's head snapped back up and she eyed me curiously. It must have been because of Cat's nickname for me.

Since we had her attention now, I turned Cat's head to face me and kissed her deeply, running my tongue noticeably over her lip. She parted her strawberry tasting lips and slid her own tongue in my mouth. We stayed like that until Jade cleared her throat. Cat pulled away and giggled. She nonchalantly took a strand of my crimson hair and twirled it around her finger playfully.

I couldn't help but find her adorable. Of course, I didn't want an adorable girlfriend. Cat was wonderful, but the more time we put up this act, the more I found myself wishing she had pale white skin and icy blue eyes and a curled black mane. I wish she'd talk about everything she hated instead of everything she loved. I wished she was Jade. And the fact that she wasn't bothered me. I felt terrible doing all these things with her. It couldn't be helped. The plan was working. We just had to wait a little longer for Jade to open up.

My PearPhone had vibrated, interrupting me from my thoughts. I pulled it out of my pocket to see I received a text from Andy.

**Andy: Hey! Shy Low! Party at my house tonight. Invite your pretty red-headed friend. In fact, invite all your friends. It's a party, muthafucka!**

I laughed to myself and put the phone away. I'd reply later. I looked back up at my friends. Robbie had returned with Rex and the two were arguing. André and Tori were discussing how terrible Tori's sister was. Beck was focused on eating his burrito. Cat was focused on eating her sweet potato fries. Jade was focused on me, giving me some sort of skeptical look, it seemed like.

I smiled nervously.

She smiled softly back but looked back down at her demolished notebook when Cat looked her way.

Cat turned to me and smirked.

My smile fell. I cleared my throat and put it back on. "So, what's everyone doing tonight?" I asked the group.

They all looked at me, wondering what I had up my sleeve.

I smirked. "My friend Andy is throwing a party; you guys remember him right?"

"Bassist with the pink Mohawk and hat full of inappropriate jokes?" André asked.

I nodded my head in confirmation. "Yup. Like I said, he's throwing a party tonight. He said I could invite all of you if you were interested," I explained.

"Will there be booze?" asked Jade dully.

"Most likely. Andy doesn't drink much but he always has tons at his place," I explained. "I don't really care. I don't drink."

"Well Andy seems cool so I guess I'll go," commented Beck.

André smiled and said, "I'm in."

"Me too," added Tori.

"Ditto," chimed in Robbie.

I looked at Cat and she cupped my face. She pecked my lips and said flirtatiously, "Of course I'll come."

I turned to Jade.

She shrugged and said, "I've got nothing better to do."

* * *

Andy lived with his older brother who just so happened to be a very rich playwright. Their mansion was practically breathing once Cat and I arrived. People were partying inside and outside. There was a keg in the front yard and signs pointing to the backyard as a "designated smoking area." People of all different kinds were here.

I noticed Beck's truck was already parked on the curb so he was already here. Cat and I went inside to look for him. We saw him, Jade, and Drew all taking shots together. Cat looped her arm in mine and we smiled at each other.

"Hey you guys," she announced, getting their attention.

Beck waved at us to sit with them while Jade just took another shot.

I sat down next to Beck and Cat sat on my lap. Her left arm was wrapped around my neck and she was playing with my hair. She adjusted her shoulders and turned her body toward me, causing her small breast to take a place under my chin.

From the corner of my eye I caught Jade glaring at us before taking another shot.

Watching her act like this hurt. She wasn't drinking to have a good time. She was drinking to self-destruct, just as she had about a week ago at her dad's. Worse, Cat and I were the reason. I hated myself for this. I wanted to push Cat off of my lap.

Before I could, Cat noticed Jade watching us. She took advantage of the situation and planted a soft, tender kiss on my lips. Hers were warm and delicate, almost like feathers.

I pulled away and look at Jade's lips. They were rough and scabbed from the fight and her lip biting habit. Those were the lips I wanted on mine. I wanted to taste anger and blood, not strawberries and kindness.

Andy finally found us and he grabbed me by the shoulders. "Shiloh! I'm glad you could make it. Join me outside, will you?" he asked joyfully.

I nodded. "Cat, would you mind hopping down please? I have to go outside with Andy."

She nodded and hopped off my lap, taking my empty seat after I stood up.

Andy and I both looked at the other three. We would have invited them to join, but they seemed content with alcohol. We went outside where Andy pulled out a joint he had hidden in the purple fedora he was wearing.

Lighting it and handing it to me, Andy asked, "So what's going on with you and Cat? I thought you were, like, head over heals for Jade?"

I took two puffs, held them in, handed the joint to Andy, and sighed deeply. I entertained myself by watching the smoke slither away from my lips. I smirked to myself, amused by the smoke.

He took his puffs and glared at me. "Shiloh, I asked you a question," he pointed out before handing the joint to me.

I took my hits and handed it back. Blowing the smoke in his face, I seethed, "And I chose not to answer."

He scratched the back of his neck and took one hit. "Shiloh, I'm trying to be serious with you for a minute," he muttered before taking another hit and handing the joint back to me.

I put on a fake smile and commented in a sing-song voice, "Why be serious when we're at a party?" I took the joint, took my hits, and handed it back to him. Before he could say anything else, I stalked away and back into the mansion.

When I returned to where we were earlier, Cat and Jade were missing and empty beer bottles littered the coffee table. I sat down next to Beck and asked, "Where did the girls go?"

Beck sipped his beer in thought. "Hmm, I think they went to greet Tori, André, and Robbie," he said with a shrug.

"You think?" I questioned.

He put the beer down and threw up his hands defensively. "Look, Shiloh, I'm not their keeper or anything. You've gotta keep an eye on your girlfriends yourself," he slurred. He picked his beer back up and chugged the rest of it down. After putting down the bottle, he slung his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

I scooted away from him and leaned forward so his arm wasn't touching my shoulders.

Jade and Cat appeared just them. Cat didn't look too happy and Jade had a very dark look in her eyes. She sank herself into the couch on the other side of Beck, leaning into him. She picked up a bottle of beer, opened it on the coffee table, and chugged it down.

I looked over to Cat worriedly.

She glared at Jade and climbed back onto my lap. I opened my mouth to speak but she caught it with her own. Her hands were cupping my face. She was kissing my lips, cheeks, and neck hungrily.

I heard something break and felt weight be lifted off the couch. I pushed Cat away to see Jade storming out of the place with Beck at her heals. I shoved Cat onto the other side of the couch and stared at her. "What just happened?" I asked angrily.

A very sad look was displayed on her face. She looked like a puppy that had just been kicked.

"Cat, what happened after I left?" I asked delicately. I caught a glimpse of broken glass on the floor next to us. I turned back to face Cat.

Her hands were cupped around her mouth and she seemed to be fighting back tears.

I scooted closer to her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"You shouldn't have told Jade about the party. You shouldn't have invited her," she whimpered. "She's had way too much to drink. I'm worried about her, Shiloh."

What was I thinking when I told Jade there would be booze? How could I be so fucking stupid?

I stood up from the couch and held a hand out for Cat. She took it gratefully and I led her out the door and to my car. Before starting the vehicle I groaned.I punched the door.

Cat gingerly reached out and placed her hand on my shoulder. She stared at me with those sad doe-like brown eyes of hers.

"Cat, we have to call it quits. Even if the plan was working, I just can't keep it up. I don't like the way she treats you and I don't like seeing her hurt and angry. I love her, Cat. I can't just pretend I don't. I can't pretend that I have feelings for someone else. I can't use you to make her jealous, even if it was your idea. I can't fake this. Cat, you're a wonderful friend, but you and I both know what we're doing is wrong! We can't keep treating Jade like this. We have to call it quits." My voice died. I couldn't say anymore than I had. My throat felt sand-papery and my eyes were beginning to water.

Cat nodded her head. She hugged me and the dams broke.

My eyes were pouring. My body was trembling. I was falling to pieces.

* * *

I dropped Cat off and drove back to my house in silence. On the way I tried calling Jade, but there was no answer. I tried Beck, but he didn't pick up either.

I tip-toed my way to my bedroom, careful not to wake up my parents. I closed my bedroom door carefully and looked around the room. My eyes stopped on the pair of scissors resting in the glass cabinet. I opened it and pulled them out, holding them far from myself. I turned them over in my hands before placing them back on their shelf. My eyes shifted to the top shelf and on a triangular razor blade. Ever so carefully, I picked it up and held it to the light. The blade was incredibly sharp and dangerous. I laid the blade to the inside of my arm and took a deep breath before putting pressure on it. Sliding the blade, I closed my eyes and imagined my skin unzipping.

I dropped the blade and opened my eyes at the sound of my PearPhone beeping, alerting me that its battery would die soon. I looked at the ground, staring at the razor blade. A stripe of red was staining my arm, dripping on my carpet. I watched it drip. And drip. And drip. Until the blood clotted and dried over my arm. Even then, I still watched my arm. What did I just do?


	16. An Explanation?

**AN: I'm not too proud of the chapter. My creativity was dying out as wrote the second half. It drags on probably. Whatever. Enjoy and review maybe?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, but I do own a lot of apathy. **

* * *

**Jade's POV**

I could not remember any other time that I have been in so much physical pain without it being enjoyable. My whole body ached. My brain felt like it was engulfed in flames. My eyes felt like they were sealed shut. I attempted to unravel myself from the blanket I was wrapped in, only to fall face first on shag carpeting. Which was odd. I didn't remember having such a soft floor. As I recalled, my floor was wooden.

I rubbed my eyes and pealed them open. Looking around, I noticed I was in Beck's RV. I must've stayed here last night after the party. What happened at the party again? I couldn't remember. I continued looking around and looked down at myself to make sure I didn't get hurt. What I noticed caused a terrified shriek to escape my mouth. I didn't even recognize it to be my own voice.

Beck jolted forward and screamed, alerted by my shriek. He squeezed shut his eyes and grabbed his head in pain. "Why would you do that," he whined, cradling his head.

"Beck, why did I wake up in your bed and why am I naked?" I asked in a small voice. I was terribly confused and frightened. I'd completely forgotten about the pain in my skull until it started throbbing.

Beck groaned. "What are you talking about?" He asked. After yawning he finally opened his eyes and took in his surroundings while I sat panicked on his floor wrapped up in a blanket to hide my nudity. He looked over to me warily. "Um, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation."

I stood up, keeping the blanket wrapped around my body. "Like what?" I growled. This wasn't funny. And I needed an explanation. There **had** to be an explanation.

Beck rubbed his temples. "We obviously had too much to drink last night," he commented.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I seethed. Looking around, I found my clothes and gathered them up. I slipped into the small bathroom and got dressed. There had to be an explanation. Beck and I got really wasted last night, which was obvious. Maybe we just fell asleep, naked. Yeah, because that's believable.

I curled up in the fetal position. What if we did have sex last night? Oh God, what the fuck did I get myself into?

I slammed the back of my head in the door.

Beck knocked on the door. "Jade," he whispered. "Jade?" He opened the door and looked down at me sympathetically. I looked up at him to see he was dressed now too.

"Beck," I croaked, "did we?"

His face was unreadable. "I think so," he muttered, looking at his feet.

I looked away from him and shuddered. "Beck, we can't tell anyone about his, understand?"

He looked around nervously. "Yeah, but-"

"You understand, right?" I growled, cutting him off. I stood up and glared at him.

He held up his hands defensively and said, "Jade, you need to calm down."

I grabbed him by the collar and seethed, "Don't fucking tell me to fucking calm down, Beckett!" I shoved him out of my way and exited the bathroom.

Beck scratched the back of his neck and mumbled, "I knew it was too good to be true."

I turned to face him, glaring him in the eyes. "What was too good to be true?" I asked.

He sighed. "This. We've been getting along lately. We were hanging out like old times, before we started dating and things got…" he sighed again, "complicated."

I groaned and muttered, "It looks like things are going to get a lot more complicated, now." I sighed. Why did I have to let myself drink so much? Why couldn't I control myself around alcohol? I messaged my scalp. I was making my headache worse.

Beck laced up his boots and grabbed his keys. "Come on, I'll get us some coffee from Jet Brew and then bring you home. Sound good?" he suggested, trying to keep calm and collected.

I put my boots on, grabbed my bag, and led the way to his truck.

We both stayed quiet the entire ride, only speaking to order our coffee. When we pulled up in front of my house, Beck looked like he wanted to say something, but he stayed quiet.

When I entered the house, my mother had just walked into the den. She crossed her arms over her chest, holding her own cup of coffee in hand. "Jade, where were you last night?" she questioned parentally.

I groaned. "I was hanging out with Beck," I explained.

She looked surprised. "Oh? Are you two back together?" she asked hopefully.

My stomach started churning at the thought. I placed my coffee on an end table and muttered, "God no." I dropped my bag on the couch and quickly made my way to the downstairs bathroom. I locked the door behind me and rushed to the toilet where I puked up all the contents inside of my stomach. The vomiting only made my head hurt more. Fuck this hangover.

There was a knock on the door. "Jade, are you okay in there?" asked my mother, trying her hardest to sound concerned.

"Fine," I answered her before grabbing a bottle of mouth wash and taking a swig from it. I turned the facet on, stuck my head under, and drank some water, swallowing it down with the mouth wash. I took a brush and brushed out the tangles my hair got into last night. I shivered at the idea of "last night."

When I exited the bathroom, my mother was gone. I suppose she believed me when I said I was fine. The fool. I went back into the den to grab my bag and coffee. I brought my bag upstairs, took my PearPhone out of it, and threw it on my bed. I then walked back downstairs to get some food in my stomach.

When I walked into the kitchen I saw my little brother, Jack, waiting patiently for his breakfast. He was spinning around in the barstool he was sitting in.

I groaned and put a hand on his shoulder to make his stop. I sat down in the stool next to him and placed my coffee on the counter in front of me. I turned my PearPhone on. I had a missed call from Shiloh. I decided to text her.

**Me: Hey.**

**Shiloh: Hi?**

**Me: You called me last night**

**Shiloh: Yeah, I did.**

**Me: Any particular reason?**

**Shiloh: I was worried. You were pretty fucked up when you left. Not to mention pissed.**

**Me: Sorry. I guess I just let my anger get the best of me**

**Shiloh: You guess? You smashed a bottle before you left.**

**Me: I said sorry. Take it or leave it.**

**Shiloh: I'll leave it. **

**Shiloh: What are you doing today?**

**Me: Recovering from a hangover.**

**Shiloh: Mind if I drop on by? **

**Me: I don't, but does Cat?**

**Shiloh: Why should she?**

**Me: Because she's your girlfriend.**

**Shiloh: I'll talk to you about that when I get there. Ttyl, I'm getting behind the wheel.**

I stuffed my phone back in my pocket. Now I was curious.

The toaster went off and Jack ran to fetch his toast. The butter was already on the counter. Once he buttered both slices, he cut them in half diagonally.

I took one of the halves and walked away with it, eating it as I left the room.

"Jade, that was mine!" he shouted at me.

"I don't care," I called from the den, mouth full of toast. After finished the toast, I realized I left my coffee in the kitchen. I groaned and went back in to retrieve it.

My mother walked in from the backyard and smiled upon seeing me. "Jade, I have some errands to run. I need you to stay home and watch your brother," she explained.

I whined, "Why? He's old enough to take care of himself." I grabbed my coffee and took a sip. It tasted terrible after drinking that mouth wash. I dropped the cup in the garbage can.

"He's only ten," she commented before leaving the kitchen, not giving me a choice in the matter.

I glared at Jack.

"Mom, don't leave me here with her!" he cried out.

"You two behave and try to get along," she said as she left the house.

I smiled at Jack.

He quickly finished his breakfast and put his dish in the dishwasher and the butter back in the fridge. He then ran out of the room.

I started brewing a pot of coffee when I heard a knock on the door. I entered the den to see jack on the couch playing some racing game. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Boo."

He almost jumped out of his skin and whimpered.

I laughed and answered the door.

Shiloh was standing there with a weak smile on her face and a Rite-Aid bag in her hands. She was wearing blue denim shorts to show off her dragon tattoo and a red and white flannel. Her hair was wrapped up in a bun to show off the moon tattoo.

I stepped out of the way to welcome her inside. I pointed to the couch and said, "Shiloh, this is my little brother, Jack. Jack, this is Shiloh."

She grinned and walked over to him, holding a hand out, and said, "It's nice to meet you, Jack."

He looked at her, then back to me. He took her hand and stuttered, "N-nice to m-meet you, too, Shiloh."

I went back into the kitchen and Shiloh followed. I looked at her and smirked. "Feeling patriotic today, are we?" I joked.

She looked down at herself and chuckled. She put the bag on the counter and pulled out a large bottle of Aspirin. She tossed it to me and I caught it. "It's for your hangover," she commented. "And if that doesn't work, I've got this," she said while pulling her grinder out of her breast pocket to show me. She slipped it back in its hiding place.

I shook my head and mumbled, "Thanks." I popped a few Aspirins in my mouth, pour a cup of coffee, added sugar to it, took a sip, and swallowed it all down. I raised the pot up and asked, "Do you want any?"

She shook her head and sat down in a stool.

I sat down next to her and said, "Okay, so you wanted to talk. Talk."

She sighed. "Cat and I broke up last night."

I didn't expect that. "Oh?" I asked, not hiding my surprise. Last I remember the two were making out on Andy's couch. I wondered what could have happened after I left the party to make them split.

Shiloh nodded. "It was a mutual agreement. Neither of us felt like what we were doing together was right. Not because of gender rolls, but because we didn't have strong enough feelings for each other," she explained.

I sighed. "I feel like a jackass now," I groaned.

She looked at me curiously and laughed. "Why?" she asked.

"Because I was acting like a complete bitch to the two of you while you were dating. I guess I just wasn't happy to see my two best friends together," I explained. Really, I was more upset that Shiloh could forget about me so quickly and move on the Cat. Sure I pushed her away, but it still hurt to see her move on so quickly. That was probably my fault for pushing her away.

She laughed light-heartedly. "Let's just forget about that, okay, Jade?" she suggested. She placed a warm hand on my shoulder. "How have you been feeling?" she asked, looking down at my arms.

I dropped my head onto the counter. "Stupid," I mumbled into the granite.

She rubbed my back and said, "Jade, you're definitely not stupid. Careless, maybe, but not stupid."

I shuddered at the word "careless." I was definitely careless if I let myself get that drunk last night. I looked up at Shiloh. "You'll be okay by yourself for a few, right? I need to shower. You can wait in my room so you don't have to socialize with my little brother," I explained.

Her smile grew and she nodded her head. We went upstairs where Shiloh waited patiently in my bedroom and I went to scrub myself clean. I had a feeling my skin would be raw be the time I would be finished.


	17. Troubled

**AN: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. I've been sick for a few days and wasn't able to update. I was forbidden to be near the computer for my family was afraid I'd spread my sickness. I'mm all better now and you all get your precious update. Hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Seriously.**

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

"You're a terrible sister, Jade," I commented. We were currently smoking our second bowl in her run down shed. Jade was telling me all the stories of how she would torment her little brother, who was currently preoccupied playing video games inside.

Jade laughed and tilted her head back, causing the sunglasses resting on her head to fall off and behind the couch. "I'm a terrible person all around, aren't I?" she practically sang. She had loosened up and actually seemed happy for once.

I rested my arm on the armrest and my chin on my hand, listening to her wonderful voice.

She sat up straight and asked, "So, Shiloh, why are your parents so cool with you smoking weed?"

I smirked and explained, "My dad took me to a doctor one day and got me a medical card. If it weren't for that, my mom would probably kill me for smoking. Dad has a card, too, but Mom doesn't let him keep his stash in the house. He keeps his plants and stuff at Uncle Erwin's. The two are like best friends, which is probably how my parents ended up together." I fanned myself off. It was getting really hot in the shed.

"Bad ass," she commented. We both busted out with laughter. She ran a hand through her thick curls and stood up. "We should get inside before my mom gets back. I don't need her chastising me for being a bad babysitter and for ignoring my brother," she groaned.

I stuffed my lighter and grinder in my pockets and slid off the couch, standing before I hit the ground. "Yeah, we don't want her to find out the truth, huh?" I joked, elbowing Jade in the ribs.

She smirked at me, placed her hand softly on my face, and then shoved me back on the couch. Chuckling to herself, she exited the shed.

I let loose an exasperated sigh and followed her into her home. We went into the living room where we both collapsed onto the sofa in a fit of laughter.

Jack stared at us from his spot in front of the TV. He looked at me with confusion and at Jade like she was possessed. He paused his video game and asked timidly, "Um, are you guys okay?"

Jade collected herself and put her angry face on. She glared at him and he quickly turned his attention back to the TV. She huffed and blew a loose stand of hair from her face.

I snickered at her and she shoved my arm. It was quite cute to see her pouting. Of course I knew if she heard me say that I'd be breathing through an iron lung. Not that I would mind, I mean, I adored her violent tendencies.

There was the sound of keys rattling. Jade's mom came rushing into the house with a large dry cleaning bag in one hand, keys in the other. Her phone was propped between her ear and shoulder and she seemed to be very annoyed waiting for someone to pick up on the other end. She let out a noise that sounded similar to one of Jade's signature groans and practically flew into the kitchen.

Jade smirked and said, "Wow, she must really be busy. She didn't even see the stranger sitting on her couch."

I raised an eyebrow and inquired, "A stranger, am I?" I stroked my chin in thought.

Jade rolled her eyes at me. Her PearPhone chimed and she pulled it from her jacket pocket to check a text. "Hey, Vega wants to have a 'girls' night out' tonight. Are you down?" she asked, cocking her pierced brow upward.

I shook my head and said, "Define 'girls' night out' in a way that won't subject me to vomiting. If I hear the words 'shopping' or 'make-over' I'm blowing both of our brains out to save us." I shaped my hand liked a gun and pretended to shoot myself.

Jade's eyes soften and she smiled sincerely at me before typing a quick message back to Tori. She smirked once she received a reply and said, "Don't worry; we don't need to pull any triggers. She said the evening will consist of shopping – gag –, dinner at Nozu, and cards at her place. We could probably skip the shopping trip and just meet the others at dinner." She shrugged and turned to me.

I stretched and propped my feet up on the coffee table. "Fuck shopping," I muttered. I slid my feet back onto the floor and sat up. "Unlike most girls, I don't need to wear a different outfit everyday," I explained.

Jade chuckled and said, "Shiloh, there are many other things that make you unlike most girls." She got up off of the couch and went into the kitchen.

I grumbled. I shot up from the couch, followed her into the kitchen, and asked, "What's that supposed to mean?" I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

Jade shook her head at me and frowned. She looked back at me and forced a smile. She seemed to have put her mask back on and her walls back up. I couldn't read her at all. It worried me.

Jade's mother entered the room and stopped upon seeing me. "Jade, who is this?" she questioned while pointing at me.

Jade smirked and stepped over to me. She placed a warm hand on my shoulder and said, "Mom, this is my good friend Shiloh. Shiloh, this is my mom." She dropped her hand and sat down on a barstool.

Her mother eyed me carefully and stated, "Oh. Well it is nice to meet you, Shiloh."

I smiled and bowed slightly. "The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. West," I said happily.

She shuddered and a familiar dark look took over her face. It reminded me of whenever Jade would get mad at Beck. "I am no longer Mrs. West since I divorced Jade and Jack's father. Just call me Susan, please," she requested sternly before leaving the room.

I turned to Jade and smiled. "You seem to take after your mother," I commented.

She grumbled and said, "Yeah, well, it's much better than being like that asshole." Her troubling expression had withered away and was replaced by her usual fierceness. I suppose that was better. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what was troubling her.

* * *

When Jade and I arrived at Nozu, Cat and Tori were already sitting at a booth whispering and giggling to each other. I smiled and waved to them before sitting down next to Tori.

Jade looked at Cat and smiled softly before sitting next to her, across from me.

Cat squeaked and hugged Jade tightly. She quickly released her grip after feeling Jade tense up. She giggled to herself.

Jade pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She lazily stared at the table, eyes shifting back and forth, tracing the pattern. The appeared to be a dark gray now, as apposed to her beautiful icy blue shade. They were still beautiful, hell she couldn't not be beautiful. Her attention shifted to her hands. She was picking at her thumb nail with her index nail and seemed pretty interested in the action.

I finally looked away from her when Tori snapped a finger in my face. I looked at her and she pointed to my left.

There stood out waitress, waiting for me to give her a drink order.

"Um, I'll just have some green tea," I said, shyly tucking a loose strand of hair that fell from my bun behind my ear.

The waitress turned to Jade and asked, "And what about you?"

Jade's gaze slowly moved from her fingers to the waitress. She leaned back in her seat and sighed, "Just water." She ran her hand through her hair and let it fall gracefully around her shoulder.

The waitress nodded and walked away, having already received Tori and Cat's orders. She immediately came back with our beverages and asked if we were ready to order.

Tori raised one finger and said, "I'll have the spicy hamachi, please."

"Me too," I chimed.

Cat placed a finger on her chin and thought. "I'll have the miso soup."

Jade hummed to herself and stated, "I'd like the Alaska roll."

The waitress jotted everything down, took our menus, and walked away.

"So, Jade," Tori began, twirling her straw around, "where did you and Beck go after the party? You guys left kind of early."

Jade's face grew paler, if that were even possible. She looked almost sick. She composed herself and dry-panned, "We arrived kind of early." She scratched the inside of her arm nervously.

I drew my own hand to my fresh scab and rubbed it under the flannel material of my sleeve.

Tori took a sip of her drink and continued speaking. "You guys have been hanging out a lot. Are you getting back together or something?" She asked curiously.

I could feel my blood begin to boil.

Cat jumped in her seat and scooted away from Jade.

Jade looked furious. "What?" she shouted at Tori. "Of course we're not getting back together!" she growled. Her face and voice said she was pissed, but her eyes made her look weak and sickly. She shifted them around in an unsure manner.

My skin itched. I glanced over to Tori who was now sinking in her seat in fear. I looked back to Cat and mouthed, "Do something."

She nodded curtly and suggested, "Since this place has karaoke, why don't we all sing tonight?"

"No," groaned Jade.

Cat looked down and mumbled, "Phooey."

I smiled at Jade and said, "Come on. We're all singers here. Besides, you three owe me for my rocking performance." I raised an eyebrow.

Jade looked at me then back at Cat who was using the puppy-dog eyes. She groaned again. "Maybe," she muttered. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

I frowned. "Jade, could I speak to you outside for a minute?" I asked.

She raised her eyebrow at me. "Sure, whatever," she muttered before standing and walking to the door.

I started to watch her walk before remembering I was supposed to be going outside with her. I scrambled out of my seat and followed behind her. When I caught up to her outside, I placed a comforting hand on her should and asked, "Are you feeling okay? You look paler than usual."

She shrugged my hand off and faced me. Her face had a mixture of emotion playing on it. I couldn't tell if she was angry, upset, ill, or tired. She looked like she wanted to speak, but her mouth wasn't opening.

I took one of her hands and squeezed it. "Did something happen last night after the party? Did Beck do something?" I asked. When she didn't respond, I dropped her hand and growled. I looked her in the eyes and said, "Tell me what he did to you. I'll skin him alive and rip out his still beating heart."

Jade choked on what sounded like a mixture of a sob and a laugh. She blinked, shook her head, and smiled reassuringly at me. For some reason, however, I didn't feel so assured. She placed a light hand on my cheek and I could feel my face heating up and my pulse pacing faster. She smiled sincerely and said, "Don't worry about me, Shiloh. Please. I owe you enough as it is." She grumbled to herself and looked away, dropping her hand.

My cheek burned where her hand was. I swallowed the frog caught in my throat and straightened my stance. I hoped she couldn't tell how flustered I was.

She started walking back inside and whispered to me, "Don't worry, I'll sing tonight." She paused before opening the door, turned around, and added, "For you." She pulled open the door and went back inside the restaurant.

I ducked off into my car and pulled out my pipe and grinder. I packed half a bowl and quickly smoked it down. I really needed to relax before going back in there.

* * *

**AN: What's going on down here? Huh? Well I just wanted to point out, in case people were wonder, Shiloh has a weed card for anxiety. Sooner or later you all will get to see what she's like without her medicine. After all, I can't be nice to the characters in the story, right? Nice is boring. Enough rambling. Go review now. **


	18. Oh My God

**AN: I'm soooooooooooooooo sorry this update is so late. My computer crashed and I've just recently gotten my hands on a new one. A voice in the back of my head keeps saying, "get a fucking laptop already," but I'm a desktop kind of girl. Anyhow, here is the chapter you've been waiting for. I'm so sorry for the late update and will try to get back to updating like cray. Of course I will be starting school soon (college D:) and am not sure how much free time I will have to write, but I will try my best to update as often as possible. i'm incredibly thankful for having you readers. I hope you enjoy the chapter. R&R please and thank you!**

* * *

**Jade's POV**

I was tapping my foot impatiently, waiting for Shiloh to get back. I was drumming my fingers on the table, tuning out whatever the hell Cat and Vega were jabbering about.

Cat tapped my shoulder and I jumped almost out of my skin. She shrank back in fear.

I groaned, "What?" I stared at her, hard, in hopes to intimidate her. It was definitely working. I sighed and calmed down a little.

She cheered up and smiled happily. "What song are you going to sing, Jadey?" she asked, poking my side.

I growled a little at her use of the nickname. "I was going to see if the DJ had any Florence + the Machine," I stated, turning to the door. Where was Shiloh?

Cat clapped her hands and bounced in her seat. "I love Florence + the Machine!" she exclaimed.

Shiloh walked into the place and shuffled over to us. She slipped into her seat and flashed me a toothy grin.

I smirked and raised an eyebrow at her.

She looked down at her lap, but continued to smile. She brushed her hand through her blood red bangs, finding more loose strands of black. Sighing, she pulled her hair out of the bun and let it cascade down her back.

I was unaware that I was smiling warmly until Vega made an uncomfortable and confused face at me. I straightened in my seat, cleared my throat, and put on a scowl.

Shiloh peaked at me through her bangs and giggled. She lifted her head back up and pushed her bangs out of her face. She smiled her charming smile at me, and I had to fight not to smile back.

* * *

"Well I'm stuffed. Who's ready to leave?" I asked after taking my last bite.

Shiloh pointed at me with her chopsticks and said, "Oh no, you aren't weaseling out of this. You told me you would sing. Now go over to that DJ, pick a song, and blow us away with your vocals." She put the chopsticks back on her plate and crossed her arms over her chest. She was smirking at me victoriously.

I turned to Cat and Vega. "What about you guys?" I asked. I didn't want to be the only one singing tonight.

Vega smirked at me and stated, "We never said we were going to sing. It was only a suggestion, right Cat?" She turned to the shorter girl.

Cat nodded. She poked my ribs and said, "Please sing for us, Jadey." She looked up at my with those puppy-dogs eyes.

I groaned and looked over to Shiloh, who was also flashing me the puppy-dog eyes. "Ugh, fine! I'll do it. But you two owe me," I growled, pointing at the girls. I stood up from my seat.

Shiloh scoffed. "We don't owe you shit after how you treated us all week," she commented bravely.

I glared at her and she held my stare. We were too evenly matched here. I couldn't scare her. I growled again and stomped away to the DJ.

He smiled at me and said, "I know you. You rocked this place last time." He nodded his head at me.

"And I'm about to rock it again," I said confidently. I looked through the list and found Drumming Song by Florence + the Machine. I pointed to the song and the DJ's smile grew.

I smirked and stepped onto the stage. I took a deep breath and grabbed the mic, waiting for the song to start. I swayed my hips to the drum beat and began singing.

"_There's a drumming noise inside my head  
That starts when you're around  
I swear that you could hear it  
It makes such an all mighty sound_

There's a drumming noise inside my head  
That throws me to the ground  
I swear that you should hear it  
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell.

_I ran to a tower where the church bells chime  
I hoped that they would clear my mind  
They left a ringing in my ear  
But that drum's still beating loud and clear_

Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell!"

I stepped down from the stage and began dancing around the floor, the audience joining. Vega, Cat, and Shiloh got up from the booth and started dancing along. I smiled at them as I sang.

"_As I move my feet towards your body  
I can hear this beat it fills my head up  
And gets louder and louder  
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder_

I run to the river and dive straight in  
I pray that the water will drown out the din  
But as the water fills my mouth  
It couldn't wash the echoes out  
But as the water fills my mouth  
It couldn't wash the echoes out

I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole  
'Til there's nothing left inside my soul  
I'm as empty as that beating drum  
But the sound has just begun!"

I danced around the bar, looking back at Shiloh happily while bellowing out the lyrics.

"_As I move my feet towards your body  
I can hear this beat it fills my head up  
And gets louder and louder  
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder_

There's a drumming noise inside my head  
That starts when you're around  
I swear that you could hear it  
It makes such an all mighty sound

There's a drumming noise inside my head  
That starts when you're around  
I swear that you could hear it  
It makes such an all mighty sound."

I walked back onto the stage, closing my eyes and letting the passion pour from my throat.

"_Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell_

Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell!

As I move my feet towards your body  
I can hear this beat it fills my head up  
And gets louder and louder  
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder!"

The song ended and the entire restaurant erupted with cheering and applause. I smiled brightly and bowed before Cat, Shiloh, and Vega all came running up to me. All three of them hugged me and at that moment I was too happy to shove Vega away. We returned to our seats to pay for our meals and then exited the restaurant.

Cat was giggling and skipping to the car while Vega, Shiloh, and I walked slowly and watched her.

We all piled into Shiloh's car and she drove us back to Vega's. Every now and then she would take her eyes off the road and glance at me, wearing a warm smile the entire time.

Vega let us into her home once we arrived and thankfully Trina wasn't there. If so, I would probably have turned tail and walked back to my own home. We all made ourselves comfortable, tossing our overnight bags on the floor by the couches and sitting down while Vega ran upstairs to get extra blankets and pillows.

Cat tugged on my sleeve and asked in my ear, "Jade, can I talk with you alone for a minute?" She had a hushed tone.

I looked at Shiloh who was focused on a loose thread sticking out of her breast pocket. She was twirling the thread, trying to figure out a way to remove it without ruining her short, I assumed.

I cleared my throat and said, "Hey, Shiloh, Cat here just told me she's curious and wants to try smoking. Why don't you go roll us all a joint? Maybe even Miss Goody Two Shoes will be interested."

Cat's eyes grew twice their average size and she stared at me, mouth agape.

Shiloh beamed and hopped off the couch, exclaiming, "Alright! Don't worry, little one, curiosity isn't going to kill this cat." She laughed.

Cat jumped back and cried, "What's that supposed to mean?" She had fear written all over her face.

Shiloh sighed and explained, "It was a joke, a play on words. I'm sorry, Cat. I promise there's nothing to worry about. You trust me don't you?" Cat nodded and Shiloh placed a kiss on her forehead before heading out.

The kiss was chaste and a comforting one, so this time it didn't make my blood boil. I smiled softly at Cat and said, "You don't have to if you don't want to. I was just getting rid of Shiloh because you wanted to talk."

Cat calmed down and smiled back before taking my arm and dragging me outside to the backyard. She shuffled her feet a little before speaking. She seemed nervous. "Jade, you need to move on," she stated, looking me in the eye. All childishness faded away from her, as it did a lot of the times that we were alone. She sighed before continuing, "Shiloh is a wonderful person, and everyone knows it. And she really does care a lot about you. Her and I, we only did what we did to make you jealous. You and I both know you were and we also both know how badly you want her."

She took hold of my hands and I yanked them away. She furrowed her brows and took them again, this time holding with a tighter grip. She glared at me and said, "I'm serious, Jade. You need to move on. Forget about Beck and take a look at the girl who has been in love with you since day one."

I looked down and shook my head. "I'm not taking your sloppy seconds, Cat," I seethed, glaring at her hands.

She threw my hands down and groaned loudly. "Oh my God, Jade, we never did anything but kiss! I lied about us sleeping together to piss you off. Shiloh's in love with you, why would she sleep with me? I have no idea what the rest of her tattoos look like, okay? The jealousy thing was my idea and Shiloh was the one to call it off. She really does love you, Jade. Why don't you let yourself be loved and feel happy for once?"

I choked on a sob and swallowed it down. I forced a fierce face on to keep tears from leaking. My throat was too raw for me to speak. I was just taking everything in.

Before Cat could say anything else, Vega and Shiloh stepped outside. Vega looked nervous and Shiloh was giddy. Cat dropped her angry face and went back to being her usual happy self.

"So Tori said she's in for the experiment. Cat, you still want to?" Shiloh asked placing a delicate hand on Cat's shoulder.

Cat looked at Vega and nodded bravely. We all sat down in a circle by the pool and Shiloh lit the joint. She passed it to me first and I forced a smile. Skepticism was planted on her face.

I took my two hits and passed it to Cat. She stared at it and took it once I exhaled. She looked at me, then Shiloh, then back at the joint. She gulped and put it to her lips, inhaling deeply before coughing out all the smoke like crazy.

I rubbed her back and said, "Baby-steps, Cat. Go easy and don't suck too hard."

She didn't want a second hit after coughing, though, and handed the joint off the Vega. I swear, she must've stared at it for ten minutes.

I groaned, "Either take a hit or pass it on, Vega."

She whimpered and passed it to Shiloh.

"Pussy," I mumbled under my breath. It was pathetic that even Cat could take a hit and Vega was too terrified of coughing.

Shiloh elbowed me before taking her hits. She passed the joint to me and said, "Don't worry, Tori, it's not for everyone. I can promise you it's not as toxic as the world makes it seem. I can also promise I won't make you do anything you don't want to."

I rolled my eyes at the sappiness and took my hits, passing the joint to Cat. She took it easy this time, even taking herself a second hit. She giggled and handed the joint to Shiloh.

Shiloh smirked and inhaled deeply, exhaling little o's of smoke. Both her and Cat started laughing and Tori laughed nervously along. I couldn't help but smile.

We continued passing the join in silence. By the time it was burnt out, Cat could not turn off her giggling. We started heading inside when she grabbed tightly to Tori's arm and dragged her into the kitchen. It looked like someone had the munchies. I hoped Tori had plenty of sweets.

Shiloh and I set up our sleeping spot on the floor, allowing Cat and Tori to take the couches. Shiloh moved the coffee table out of the way while I spread out the giant comforter Tori supplied for us to sleep on. I piled the ten pillows she gave us place lazily, not really wanting to lay them out into a comfortable spot just yet.

Shiloh smirked and leapt onto the pile of pillows and imitated a crashing sound before cracking up with laughter. I chuckled at her and she glared up and me. I raised an eyebrow at her and she held out a hand. I took it to help her stand, but instead she yanked me down to the floor with her and laughed harder.

"Why don't you two go change into pajamas while Cat and I make the cupcakes," Tori called from the kitchen.

Shiloh sat up and questioned, "Cupcakes?"

Cat giggled and shouted, "CUPCAKES!"

We both smiled at her before taking our over night bags and heading into the bathroom. We had our backs to each other as we changed, that is, until something caught my eye in the mirror after Shiloh discarded her flannel. There was a scabbed line on the inside of her arm. I swiftly spun myself around, grabbed hold of her shoulders, and turned her to face me. We were both topless now and her eyes immediately looked down when she faced me. I smacked her arm and grabbed her hand, holding it in the air and pointing to the scab. "Shiloh, what the fuck is this?" I whispered harshly, not wanting to alarm the other girls.

She looked at me like I was insane before looking at what I pointed to. Her eyes shifted to the tile floor and she pulled her arm away slowly. "A mistake, Jade." She looked me up and down and a guilty look crossed her face when she noticed I had nothing on my arms that she hadn't seen before.

I frowned and looked down, then back up at her. I hugged her. "I'm sorry I snapped at you just now," I muttered against her neck.

She kept her arms at her sides and said, "It's okay, Jade. I'm ever madder at myself for it. And I really appreciate the comfort, but can we safe it for when we're fully clothed?" she asked nervously.

I laughed softly and pulled back from her. She turned away and continued changing her clothes. I sighed and did the same.

As I was pulling on my pajama bottoms, I heard Shiloh mumbled, "We've got to stop having sympathetic moments in the bathroom, together." I started laughing my ass over and fell backwards while trying to get my leg in the pants.

Shiloh spun around and caught my shoulders, falling back herself. There was a loud conking sound as she hit the back of her head against the tub.

I quickly got off of her and turned around. "Oh my God, Shiloh, are you okay?" I asked frantically.

She groaned, hunched forward, and rubbed the back of her head. "Yeah, I—" She stopped midsentence and stare at me. She looked straight down and her face heated up. "Please finish getting dressed, Jade," she whispered.

I looked at her, now fully clothed in a green thermal and white basketball shorts. I was still in my bra and underwear. My face flushed a bright red and I quickly slipped on my pajama pants and long-sleeved shirt. I then held out a hand for her to take. She took it and I helped her stand.

"Thank you," she whispered while rubbing her head some more. She picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder, hand on the doorknob.

"Shiloh, wait," I said unintentionally. The words just popped out of my mouth and I couldn't stop them.

Her hand dropped and she turned to face me. "What?" she asked confused.

I picked up my bag and stared at her. I then dropped the bag back onto the floor, and not able to stop myself, I grabbed Shiloh by the shoulders and kissed her hard on the lips.

* * *

**AN: Why are you reading this when you should be reviewing? 3**


	19. Okay

**AN: Here is a new chapter thanks to your reviews. Unfortunately you will all have to wait at least a week for another update. I'll be busy moving next week so please bare with me. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. Don't forget to review! Your reviews make me happy and when I'm happy I write quickly.**

**Disclaimer: I doth not own Victorious, but if I did, the show would definitely be getting a 4th season.**

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

Jade was kissing me.

Jade West was kissing me.

And what was I doing? Standing there, frozen, staring at her.

She must have noticed my lack of movement, and breathing, for she pulled away and frowned.

I stared into her eyes, the red around them making them stand out like diamonds. I placed a hand gently against her warm cheek and she leaned into it. I then cupped both hands around her face, closed my eyes, and pressed my lips against her.

She kissed back with much more force than I expected, even nipping my bottom lip until I opened my mouth. Immediately her tongue went on to dominate mine, wrestling it into submission. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me hungrily.

I moaned inside her mouth and slid my hands down to her hips, pulling her so close that there was no longer any space between us.

She pushed my back, still kissing me, until my back was against the door.

The action caused me to tap the back of my sore head against the door, bringing me back to reality. I broke the kiss and gasped for air. I brought a hand to the back of my head and massaged it. I stared at Jade, who was also breathless. I looked around and muttered, "Did I crack my head open and die?"

Jade looked at me like I was crazy before picking her bag back up. "Why do you ask?"

I sighed, "Because if this is real then I must be dead, or at least unconscious."

She put a hand on my shoulder and let it slide down the length of my arm. "I promise you, Shiloh, this is really happening." She smiled sweetly at me, making it harder to believe this was real. "Now, let's get back out there. We need to put some ice on your head," she stated, gesturing for me to open the door.

I did so and we returned to the living room. Cat was whining to Tori about how long it was taking for the cupcakes to bake. Both girls seemed to have changed into their pajamas as well.

Jade started walking towards the kitchen when Tori asked, "Hey what took you two so long?" Jade ignored her and continued on her way to the freezer.

I hopped onto the other couch and said, "I kind of fell and hit my head on the bathtub."

"Gosh, Shiloh, are you okay?" Tori asked sympathetically.

Cat frowned and poked the back of my head. I swatted her away and she giggled.

"I don't think so, Tori. I keep having these weird hallucinations," I explained.

Jade groaned from the kitchen and returned with ice wrapped in a paper towel. She forced it hard against the back of my head and growled, "Stop saying stuff like that, Shiloh. I promise this is reality that you're in."

I looked up at her and asked, "How can I believe you when you're a manifestation of my damaged brain?" I smirked, teasing her now. I didn't actually think this was all fake, but it just felt so unreal.

She put more pressure on the back of my skull and hissed, "I'm about to damage your brain for real if you don't cut this out."

I leaned forward and away from her. "Okay, I'll shut up. Give me that," I said, reaching for the ice.

She rolled her eyes at me, handed me the ice, and sat down next to Cat.

"Shiloh, since you're hurt, why don't you pick a movie for us to watch?" Tori suggested, pointing to the shelf of DVDs.

"Okay," I said with a smile. Holding the ice to my head, I made my way over to the DVD shelf and searched for a good movie we all might enjoy. "How about Mean Girls?"

"No!" growled Jade.

I turned to her and asked, "You don't like Mean Girls?"

"Should I?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

I shrugged and said, "I figured you'd at least like it for the character Janis."

She smirked and commented, "Is that why you like it?"

I turned around to continue searching. "No, I just like the movie. It's the most quotable movie. And probably one of the only good chick flicks to exist," I explained.

While I was searching, the oven's timer went off. Cat jumped off the couch and screamed, "CUPCAKES!" She dashed toward to kitchen and bounced up and down near the counter, waiting for Tori to take out the cupcakes.

"Cat, you do know you have to wait for the cupcakes to cool off before icing them and eating them, right?" Tori asked her while putting on oven mitts.

Cat looked like she wanted to cry. Instead she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted her way back to the couch.

"Wow, Tori, I didn't know you liked Quentin Tarantino. You've got, like, all his movies," I commented in surprise.

"I'm not a huge fan, but my dad is. I don't think any of his movies would be a good choice though considering," she turned to Cat who thumb wrestling herself.

"Yeah, I got it. Hey, what about The Breakfast Club? That's something we can all agree on, right?" I suggested, looking at all three girls. They agreed and I took the DVD off the shelf.

Tori took it from me and put it in the DVD player after turning on the TV.

Halfway through the movie Tori got up to ice the cupcakes. She brought them back into the living room and set them down on a giant plate. Tori, Jade, and I all had only one, but Cat had at least five cupcakes. By the time the movie ended, Cat was curled up in a ball with her head in my lap muttering about a tummy ache and Tori was cleaning up the kitchen.

"Hey, Tori, do you have any ginger ale?" I asked her.

She looked up from the mixing bowl she was washing and said, "No, we don't. Is Cat feeling that bad?" She turned around to look at us.

I nodded. I looked down at her sadly. "Jade, why don't you take my car and pick some up from a gas station or something?"

She looked at me like I had gone mad. "Really? You want me to go out driving to a gas station in my pajamas at one in the morning?"

Cat moaned in pain and whimpered.

"Fine," Jade growled. "Where are your keys?"

"In the front pocket of my overnight bag."

She nodded and retrieved them. "I'll be back soon," she muttered before stepping out the house.

Tori came back into the living room and sat on the end of the couch by Cat's feet. "Wow, I never knew Jade could be kind."

I smirked and ran a hand through Cat's hair. "Well even Jade can't help but be nice to Cat."

Cat giggled, and then groaned. The giggling must have hurt.

"That's not what I'm talking about, Shiloh. It's not just Cat. You seem to bring out the nice side of Jade," she pointed out.

I blushed a bit and asked, "Do you really think so?" I scratched the back of my head and winced. I almost forgot about the lump I now had.

"I do. I mean, it's probably just because she's high, but she's been nice to even me tonight," she explained.

I chuckled a bit. "Tori, there is no way Jade is still high. The amount we smoked probably only lasted about an hour."

"Huh." She looked deep in thought now.

Jade soon came back with a two liter of ginger ale for Cat. She poured a glass for the little red-head and helped her sit up to drink it. Before handing her the glass, Jade said in a motherly tone, "Cat, don't chug this down. Take little sips. And next time, don't eat so many cupcakes." Her voice turned into a growl at the end and he smile fell. She sat down on the floor once Cat took the glass.

Tori smiled and said, "Jade, you'll make a great mother one day."

Jade snapped her head to face Tori and glared at her. She rolled her eyes and looked away.

I slid of the couch and onto the floor next to her.

She glanced at me then looked toward the floor, as if she had something on her mind now. I reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, but she stood up quickly and stormed out the back door.

I turned to Tori and she held up her hands defensively. I sighed and said, "I'll see what's up. You take care of Cat." I walked out the backdoor. I saw Jade sitting next to the pool with her legs pulled to her chest, staring at her reflection in the water. I sat down next to her and looked too. I smiled and stated, "I don't blame you for staring at her. I sometimes have trouble taking my eyes off her, too."

She looked away from the pool, but still didn't face me.

"Jade, what just happened back there?" I asked her.

She pulled her PearPhone out of her bra and went to her missed calls. She had over thirty and they were all from Beck. Once she exited out of her missed calls, his picture popped up on the screen, showing that he was calling again. The phone vibrated in her hand. She growled and chucked the phone into the pool.

I winced. "Jade, was that really called for?" I inquired, looking at her with concern.

There was an unreadable darkness in her eyes, and it was scaring me.

"Jade, please say something. You're scaring me," I whispered. I took her hand in mine. It felt cold and clammy.

"You're not the only one who's scared, Shiloh," she spoke, barely audible.

I squeezed her hand and wrapped an arm around her. "Jade, tell me what's wrong. Does it have to do with Beck? What happened last night?"

She looked at me, sadness and fear replacing the darkness in her eyes. She hugged me and pecked my cheek. Then, she stood up and headed back inside.

I groaned and pulled my PearPhone out of my pocket. I called Beck.

"Hey, Shiloh, what're you doing up so late?" he asked upon answering the phone.

"Girls' night at Tori's place. Which brings me to my question, why are you blowing up Jade's phone?" I questioned, keeping my voice hushed.

He was quiet for a few seconds. "Because I need to talk to her about something important and she's ignoring me," he explained in a stressed voice. I could just picture him running his hand through his hair like always.

"Well considering she just threw her phone in the pool, I don't think she wants to hear what you have to say, Beck. What happened last night?" I asked, trying to keep myself from getting mad.

He stayed quiet for longer this time, and I had to check my phone to see if he had hung up. He hadn't. "Shiloh, I don't want to talk to you about this. I want to talk to Jade," he complained.

"Well Jade doesn't want to talk to you. Something's going on with her and I'm pretty sure you know what it is, Beck. Now tell me what the fuck is going on or I'll drive over to your shitty RV and beat the answers out of you, do you understand, pretty boy?" I growled into the phone. If it weren't so late I'd be screaming.

"You forget, I dated Jade for three years. Nothing scares me, Shiloh, so you definitely can't. If you want answers, get them from Jade," he spat before hanging up on me.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. I put the phone back in my pocket and walked back inside. Cat and Tori seemed to have fallen asleep, both on their own couch snoozing. Jade was lying on her back on her spot on the floor staring up at the ceiling.

I sat down next to her and stretched before lying down. I rolled onto my side to face her. I poked her shoulder and whispered, "Jade?"

She turned her head to face me and smiled softly. She turned her body completely to face me and frowned when I didn't smile back. "Shiloh?" she whispered back.

"I talked to Beck after you went inside," I admitted.

Hey eyes grew wide and she stood up abruptly. She grabbed my arm, yanked me up, and dragged me out the front door and to my car. She unlocked it and pushed me in, getting in after me. She handed me my keys and glared out the window. "What do you mean you talked to Beck?" she seethed.

I leaned back into the seat and defended, "Don't worry, he didn't tell me anything. I was hoping you would tell me what's going on. Please, Jade. You trust me, don't you?"

She sighed and turned to face me. "Last night I drank so fucking much. When Beck and I got back to the RV, we drank even more. He had some everclear stashed away. I remember seeing the empty bottle before leaving this morning so I'm assuming we drank more. Honestly, I don't remember anything that happened after leaving the party. I was just so fucking pissed off about seeing you and Cat, I couldn't stop myself from drinking so much. When I woke up that morning, man was my body paying the price. I had the worst hangover ever," she explained. She chuckled a little at her own misery.

I crossed my arms. "There's more to this that you aren't telling me," I stated, staring her down.

Jade's smile fell and she grumbled. She ran a hand through her hair and looked down at her lap. "Shiloh, promise me you won't think any differently of me after I tell you what I'm about to," she practically whimpered.

I was even more worried now. I placed a hand over hers and nodded my head. "Jade, if you haven't noticed by now, I'm not going to let anything change the way I feel about you," I stated.

She smiled weakly, but dropped it a second later. "When I woke up, I was feeling terrible and couldn't remember a thing, other than how big of a bitch I was to you and Cat. Between that and the hangover, I didn't think things could get any worse. That was until I opened my eyes. I was in the same bed as Beck. And we were both naked." Her voice became inaudible. She was trembling now.

"Jade, did you and Beck –"

She nodded.

I ran a hand through my hair and pulled it. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to do about this. "Please tell me this has nothing to do with what happened in Tori's bathroom," I begged.

She shook her head furiously. Tears dropped from her face, but she stayed quiet.

I took hold of her chin and turned her face towards me. Her eyes wouldn't look my way, though. "Jade, look at me," I demanded.

Her watery eyes focused on mine.

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise. I love you, Jade." With that said I brought her lips to mine and kissed her softly before pulling away. "Let's go inside and get some sleep, okay?" I suggested with a small smile.

Jade nodded her head in agreement and we exited the car. When we walked back inside, Cat and Tori were still sound asleep. The clock on the wall read 3:17. Jade groaned as we both lied down to sleep.

As I started drifting off, I felt a warm body curl up next to me. Knowing exactly who it was, I turn to my side to face her and wrapped my arms around her body. Even after all that had happened, I knew I'd be sleeping soundly tonight.


	20. Wonk

**AN: There is so much dialog in this chapter! AHHHH! And don't worry, peeps, I've got another chapter on its way, halfway finished writing it. It took me a few days to get the internet working in my dorm so thank you for waiting. You won't have to worry about waiting forever for updates because I only have classes 3 days a week. That means I have at least 2 days to dedicate to nothing but writing (sorry, weekends are for socializing now that I have a social life). Oh I hope you enjoy the chapter, it's not the best, but it's there. Please review, it is much appreciated. The more reviews us authors get, the more motivation we have to write.**

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**Beck's POV**

It was two in the morning and I still couldn't sleep. I needed to talk to Jade about what happened. We couldn't just pretend like it didn't happen, as drunk as we were. But it seemed like that's exactly what Jade wanted to do. And now Shiloh was getting involved. I wasn't sure if that was good thing or a bad thing.

I needed to talk to someone about this, but not Shiloh. I stared at my PearPhone for a few minutes before opting to call up André. He always seemed to understand everyone, and I knew I could count on him to listen. The phone rang five times before I almost hung up, figuring he'd most likely be asleep. But he answered.

"Beck?" he asked in a tired tone before clearing his throat. "Man, do you know what time it is?" he grumbled.

"Yeah, and I'm sorry that I woke you up, man. I just needed to talk to someone. It's better I called instead of showing up at your house, huh?" I pointed out and laughed lightheartedly.

He was quiet. At first I thought he fell asleep. Then he replied with an "mmhmm." Then he chuckled to himself. "Man, I remember this one time, I was feeling all wonky, and I showed up at Tori's around three in the morning to talk and for some of that good ole Belgium cocoa," he stated with a light laugh.

I didn't remember hearing this. As one of his best friends for years, it kind of hurt that he went to Tori instead of me, and that he never even told me about this "wonk." I cleared my throat and asked, "When was this and what had you so wonky you had to wake the girl up at three AM for cocoa?"

He was quiet again, but this time for longer. "Uh, just forget I said anything. So what's got you all restless and talkative, buddy ole pal of mine?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

I wasn't playing his game. Sure I called to talk about my problem, but now I was curious. I smirked to myself and said, "Hey, I asked you first, man."

André sighed and said, "Now promise me you won't get mad."

I laughed and said, "Dude, you're my best friend. What could you have done that would make me mad?"

"I didn't do anything!" he yelped.

I looked at the phone strangely and asked, "Where have I heard you say that before?"

He didn't respond.

Then it hit me. "Now I remember! It was when Jade and I were still together and she was asking you about that song you guys recorded together. You were acting pretty strange, even wonky. I take it that was when you got all out of wack and went to Tori? What was up with you, dude?" I asked, thinking back to that week. It was a good week. Jade was pretty pissed when Sinjin ruined her scissors, but she cheered up after working on that song. In fact, she was in a good mood the rest of the week. She didn't even get mad when I hugged Tori, like she usually would. She even told me how happy she was to know how much André liked her singing, considering they weren't into the same kind of music when it came to writing.

André laughed nervously. "Yeah, about that, ya see, there was a good reason I went to Tori about the wonk instead of you, Beck. See, when Jade and I were up all night recording that song, she didn't seem like the normal, sadistic, demented Jade we all know and kind of fear. She sang like an angel and seemed so pretty and so sweet. That night I finally got what made you date her for so long, what made you love her. I saw a side of her I don't think I'll ever see again. I flipped out because I thought I was in love with her, man. And that would've been janked up because you're my best friend and at the time she was your girl. That's why when I felt all wonky I went to Tori instead of you. It just wasn't something I think I could've talked to you about, man," he explained. "You're not mad at me, right?"

I started laughing and said, "Of course I'm not mad at you. I'm actually happy you finally understood that I wasn't being threatened or that I didn't lose my mind." I sighed. André also reminded me of the side Jade only showed to me, the side she probably kept reserved for Shiloh now, if she showed it to anyone. Don't get me wrong, I did love her for her freaky interest because that was who she was. But André was right, when she sang she turned into an angel from the heavens above. Funny how devilish she could be on the surface.

André laughed too and asked, "So what did you want to talk about, Beck?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Jade, actually," I stated.

"Jade?" he questioned.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah, it's also about Andy's party, kind of," I mumbled into the phone.

"Nothing bad happened at the party, huh?" he asked, concern lacing his words.

I shook my head and said, "No. Not at the party at least. Well, except for Jade drinking more than she'd ever drank before. It didn't help that when we got back to the RV I pulled out the everclear."

"Woah woah, hang on a sec, you brought her home with you? Why didn't you drop her off at her house?" he asked in a disapproving tone.

I sighed again. "I was drunk, too, and didn't want to risk driving too much so I just drove us back to the RV," I explained. "But you're right; I should have dropped her off at her house. We got so wasted that night; neither of us could remember what the hell happened. Well, we knew one thing that had happened," I muttered.

"And what was that? Other than, ya know, the drinking."

I scratched the back of my head. "I woke up with the worse hang over in the world. What woke me was Jade screaming at the top of her lungs in terror," I started.

"Jade screamed in terror? I don't believe you," he interrupted me.

"Oh you will believe me if you let me finish explaining," I stated.

André laughed nervously and said, "Yeah, sorry for interrupting you. Go on."

I cleared my throat. This was it, time to spill the beans. "Her scream woke me up," I began. "First I was pissed because of the hang over. Then I got worried because Jade normally doesn't scream like that. I opened my eyes and realized why she was freaking. We had both slept in the same bed and we were both nude. We put two and two together and figured we got so fucking drunk we accidently had sex."

André was quiet, taking it all in. "Is it so bad, I mean, aren't you two back together?" he asked.

I groaned, "No, we've just been trying to be friends. This just fucked everything up, though. Even when we were dating, we never had sex, not once. Poor Jade, she didn't deserve this, man. How fucked up is it that she lost her virginity because of a drunken night she can't even remember?" I pulled my hair. Even though it wasn't really my fault, I still couldn't get rid of the guilt I was feeling for having taken that away from her.

André sighed and said, "Wow. Poor, Jade, man. And here I assumed you two had done it long ago."

"Yeah, but believe it or not, Jade's prudent," I lied. It would be wrong of me to tell him the real reason Jade refused to put out. And honestly, it pissed me off. Yeah, I loved her and didn't want her just for sex, but she should've told me the truth long ago.

André yawned and commented, "That is kind of hard to believe. I mean, not that I thought she was a slut or anything, she just doesn't seem to be a prude."

I sighed, "Prudent may have been the wrong word. It could've just been because of her trust issues." Here I was making up excuses as to why my ex-girlfriend that I dated for three years wouldn't put out when I knew the real reason. I hoped André would believe them.

He hummed and said, "Beck, man, even though we're on the phone, I can still tell when you're not telling the truth. We've been friends long enough. You know the real reason Jade wouldn't sleep with you and you're just too embarrassed to tell me, I bet." He chuckled and continued, "But don't fret, I'm not going to bug you about it. That business is between you and Jade. Now that other business, that may be a problem. Just wait it out, though, man. Give her time. She's probably freaked out of her mind right now and can't think straight."

I stretched and lied down on my couch. "I'll say," I agreed. "She's at a sleepover right now with Cat and Shiloh at Tori's." I yawned and looked over at the clock. It was passed three now. I didn't think we had been talking for so long.

André laughed harder and said, "Now I know you're just pulling my leg. Why would Jade spend the night at Tori's?"

_Because Shiloh was going to be there._ I thought to myself. I shrugged and defended, "How the hell should I know? I was trying to call her all day and apparently she got so pissed she threw her phone in Tori's pool. I found out about the sleepover and whatnot when Shiloh decided to get involved and call me with questions."

"And?"

"And what?" I asked.

"What did you tell her?" he inquired.

I sighed, "I told her to talk to Jade about it and hung up."

André cleared his throat and said, "Okay, let me get this straight. You and Jade got drunk and slept together. You've been trying to reach her, but she doesn't want to talk about it right now. So instead, you're talking to me about it and she's probably talking to Shiloh about it, even though you two are the only people involved in the situation. That means two people know about this that have nothing to do with it. Why didn't you just ignore Shiloh's call like Jade was ignoring yours?" He hummed after asking the question.

I groaned, "I didn't know she was with Jade. In case you didn't notice, Jade hadn't been too friendly to our new friend lately."

André yawned, "Uh huh." He cleared his throat and pointed out, "Yeah, but didn't that have something to do with Shiloh dating Cat? The two broke up the night of Andy's party. And what was with that, anyway? I know Jade's protective of Cat, but that can't be why she was so mean. I mean, if she wanted to protect Cat, why attack her?"

It looked like André knew more than I did, about some things at least. I had no idea the two had broken up. It seemed now I had said too much, and the rest was going to be found out.

I sighed and stated, "I know why she was being so mean. Think back to how mean she was to every girl that went near me, André. I know you're smart enough to put two and two together. I'll give you a hint, it's part of the reason why she never put out."

"So, wait, Jade's into chicks?" he asked, more sleepily than surprised.

"Jade's into Shiloh," I spat out.

"Dang," was all he had to say. He paused and went on to comment, "That makes no sense, though. A couple of weeks ago Shiloh tried putting the moves on her, right? And then Jade got pissed off at her and avoided her for a few days."

I nodded and added, "Correct. But Jade wasn't pissed about Shiloh liking her. She was pissed Shiloh never told her about her sexuality."

André scoffed and jokingly said, "She's not the only one who didn't tell anyone about their sexuality." He laughed lightheartedly.

I rolled my eyes and ordered, "Don't tell anyone I told you all of this, kay, man?"

He hummed and said, "Don't worry, man. I don't want Jade hunting you don't and cutting you to pieces with only a pair of scissors. Mum's the word. Everything you told me will never be repeated, alright?"

"Good."

"Now, Beck, I hope I helped you with your wonk. But right now, I'm exhausted. Talk to you later, man," André said with a yawn.

I yawned too and agreed, "Yeah, man." With that, we ended the call. I put the phone down and pinched the bridge of my nose. I still didn't know what I was going to do about all of this, if I could do anything. One thing I did know was that I was pissed off at the idea of Jade confiding in Shiloh instead of just answering my calls. Another thing I knew was that if there was anyway of fixing this mess, I was going to do everything in my power to get Jade back.

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**AN: Hmm, I wonder what our buddy Beck will have planned to get Jade back. And now André knows little Jadey's secret. What do you readers think? Do you think Beck should have outed her, or let her keep her skeletons (and herself) in the closet? I wish to know. Your opinions matter. Believe it or not, they can sometimes alter the course of the story, give me knew and different ideas. So feed me your opinions, please and thank you!**


	21. Anxiety

**AN: We'll hear from Beck later. Here is the finished chapter 21. To kikouma, don't worry, I agree it is a story killer. I promise you that was not my intention when I wrote chapter 16. Also, in this chapter you're going to learn a few things about Shiloh. Enjoy and don't forget to review!  
Ps, any King Of The Hill fans out there? Yes? No? Well if you're a fan, you'll notice the reference.**

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**Jade's POV**

Everything that happened yesterday felt like a crazy dream. Some parts I hoped I really had dreamt. Others I prayed to be real. But upon waking up with my head on Shiloh's chest on the floor in Tori's living room, I had undeniable proof nothing of what happened was dreamed up.

What woke me up, however, was the sound of Cat giggling. I rolled onto my back, sat up, and rubbed my eyes. When I opened them, I saw Cat and Tori looking at me with their hands covering smiles. I glared at them and whispered, "What?"

Tori dropped her hand and said, "Nothing," before leaving the living room.

I turned to focus my attention on Cat, who was giggling again. She removed her hand and whispered, "You two are so cute." She then followed Tori.

Great, well it looked like the cat was out of the bag, considering they both saw me cuddled up to Shiloh. I sighed and looked down at her, sleeping peacefully on her back. I couldn't help but smile. Immediately I wiped it away, though, just in case Tori or Cat came back into the room. I looked around to make sure they weren't spying, leaned down to Shiloh's ear, and whispered, "Good morning."

She waved her hand at me and rolled onto her side, her back facing me. I shook her shoulder a little bit, and in return she groaned and mumbled, "Coffee."

I chuckled and stood up, heading to the kitchen. After checking a few cupboards, I found the coffee and began brewing an entire pot. Shiloh had a good idea. Coffee sounded wonderful.

While I waited, I took my bag to the bathroom and changed into jeans and a dark purple, black and blue flannel. I brushed my messy hair, trying hard to tame my curls. I gave up and let them be. I picked up my bag and exited the bathroom.

Cat and Tori had returned to the living room and were now whispering ideas for breakfast to each other. They both were out of their pajamas now too. Shiloh was curled up in a ball with a pillow over her face.

Tori smiled upon seeing me and said, "Thanks for making the coffee, Jade."

I waved her off and muttered, "I didn't make it for you, Vega."

Still, her smile didn't fall. And honestly, it didn't bother me anymore.

Both of us headed to the kitchen to pour ourselves cups. I poured an extra cup and added sugar and cream for Shiloh, only sugar to mine. The action made Tori smirk and raise an eyebrow. She must've loved seeing me show some sort of kindness for once I suppose. I set Shiloh's mug down in front of her face and sat down on the couch next to Cat to drink mine.

Shiloh sniffed and threw the pillow across the room, jolting up and grasping tightly to her mug. She took a deep breath and sighed contentedly before taking a small sip. She smiled and whispered, "Coffee, I love you so much." She continued drinking, lost in her own little world now.

I couldn't help but smile, that is, until Cat and Tori started staring at me. I glared at them and they looked away, still smiling. I tapped Shiloh's shoulder and cleared my throat.

She looked away from her coffee and said, "Oh yeah, thank you for the coffee, Jade." She then went back to drinking it.

I shook my head. "Now you owe me," I commented before taking a big sip from my mug.

She scoffed. "Okay, Jade, what you want?" she asked, turning around to face me completely.

I smirked and said, "You're going to bring me to the Pear Store for a new phone."

"What happened to the phone you had?" ask Cat curiously.

I shrugged and stated, "It's at the bottom on Tori's pool."

Tori looked at me strangely and stepped outside to check if I was telling the truth. When she came back, she stared and me and inquired, "Okay, why is your phone in my pool?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

I shrugged again and said, "I got mad and threw it in there."

Cat giggled. Tori and I looked at her strangely. She stopped and looked down at her lap.

Shiloh stretched and put her now empty mug on the coffee table. "Okay, we can go once I get dressed and you finish your coffee," she complied in a mellow tone. She then picked up her bag and headed off to the bathroom.

Once she left the room, Cat and Tori went back to staring and smiling at me.

I growled and seethed, "Why the fuck do you two keep looking at me like that?"

Tori looked away and began whistling nonchalantly.

Cat's smile grew and she explained, "We're just so happy you've finally come out the closet, Jadey."

Tori added, "Cat, technically she didn't. We're just smart enough to put two and two together."

I scoffed, "Vega, you're stupid. Cat new all along." I turned to Cat and said, "You knew before even I did, I bet."

Tori looked at her curiously.

Cat agreed, "Yep! I knew the second Shiloh sat down at our lunch table and started talking about herself that she was your type. But, you see, that would also make her Beck's type. The fact that she turned him down and hung out with you so much, it was obvious which one of you had a shot with her. Sometimes, Jadey, I think I'm a little smarter than you." She giggled some more.

I glared at her and said, "In your dreams, Red."

Tori stared at Cat in awe. She probably didn't think Cat could be so observant, what with her being in her own world most of the time.

Our conversation came to a halt when Shiloh entered the room. She was wearing a skin tight black sweater and grey jean shorts. I had to keep from staring, less I hear more giggling from Tori and Cat. She slipped on her converse and pulled out her car keys. "Ready to go?" she asked me.

I looked at my unfinished coffee. It had gotten cold and was unappealing now. I shrugged, put the mug down, and nodded before putting my boots on and picking up my bag. I waved goodbye to Tori and Cat, and Shiloh and I exited the house.

When we got into the car, Shiloh asked, "Are we a secret?" She looked at me with a serious face.

I thought about it for a second. Did I really want to be out completely? I didn't, but I also didn't want to hurt Shiloh. I didn't want her to think I was ashamed or something. I wasn't. I was happy and lucky to have her. I smiled and said, "No, we're not."

She grinned widely and said, "Good. That means I can take you out to dinner tonight. First, we'll get you your new phone. After, I'll drop you off at home. I'll pick you up again at about six. Sound good?"

I laughed and agreed, "Sure."

* * *

It was close to noon when Shiloh dropped me off. I had to admit, I was looking forward to our date tonight. I was very curious about how the night would turn out. I was so wrapped up in thinking about the date, I almost forgot to open my front door and enter the house. Once inside, I tried rushing off to my room, until my mother cleared her throat to get my attention. I had half the mind to ignore her, but was in too good of a mood to start another argument. I spun on my heel and turned to face her, groaning, "What?"

She put down the cup of tea she had been drinking and stated, "I have the day off. Why don't we have a mother-daughter day and go shopping or something?" The suggestion was weird. Mom never had any free days and normally we barely shared words, much less hung out.

I quirked my eyebrow and questioned, "Um, is everything okay?"

She nodded quickly and said, "Yes. Jack's at your father's until tonight and I got all of my work done yesterday. I just thought it would be nice for us to do something together for once. We don't have to go shopping if you don't want to, though."

I nodded my head. "Shopping is fine. I actually need to go shopping," I said, more to myself than to her.

She raised an eyebrow and asked, "Really? What for?"

I looked away and scratched the inside of my arm. I mumbled, "I kind of have a date tonight."

Now both of her eyebrows were raised. "Really? Who with?" she inquired.

I looked down at my feet, allowing my hair to curtain over my face. My heart was pounding in my ears. I shouldn't be nervous, I mean, since when did I care about my mother approving of what I did? I sighed and whispered, "With Shiloh." I looked up slightly and peaked from behind my hair to see her reaction.

There was no emotion displayed on her face. She nodded curtly and asked, "Shiloh is the girl who was over yesterday, correct?"

I nodded.

She smiled and commented, "She seemed like a nice girl."

I looked up completely and brushed my hair out of my face with my hands. "You don't care that she's, ya know, a girl?" I asked her carefully.

She stood up from the couch, walked over to me, and hugged me.

I stiffened, not used to her showing me attention, much less affection.

She pulled away and stated, "Jade, you're a very independent young woman. You always have been. Besides, since when do you care of what I approve and disapprove of?" She smirked and let me go. "Now, let me grab my purse and we'll head out. We can stop for lunch before if you'd like."

My stomach growled. I hadn't eaten breakfast and never did finish my coffee. Food seemed like a great idea. Plus it would give me some time to think about what I wanted to wear tonight. All of the sudden I felt a wave of anxiety sweep over me. What if I fucked this up? Shiloh said there was no way I could change the way she felt about me. I believed her. Still, I was starting to get nervous about tonight.

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

I was freaking the fuck out. I was digging through every nook and cranny in my bedroom, and not only could I not find my green, I couldn't even find my pieces. This wasn't good. I had a date with the greatest woman in the world and I had nothing to calm my nerves. I ran down the stairs and outside where my father was mowing the lawn.

He turned off the mower and looked at me sadly.

I ran up to him and cried, "What happened to all my marijuana and marijuana accessories?"

He looked down and said, "You're mother went in your room and smelt it. She was furious that you disobeyed her "no smoking in the house" rule and threw it all out."

I pulled my hair and screamed, "Fuck!"

He sighed and said, "Sorry, Kiddo. We can stop by the clinic tomorrow after school, since they're closed on the weekends."

I sat down in the grass and shook my head back and forth. "Dad, you don't understand. I have a date with Jade tonight! I'm anxious enough about it, this makes things worse. Jade's never seen me unnerved before. What if I freak her out or scare her off and ruin the evening with my anxiety? What if I have a panic attack?" I shouted at him.

He kneeled down and rested a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Shiloh, sweetheart, you need to calm down before you do have a panic attack. Let's go inside and I'll make us some chamomile tea, your favorite," he suggested calmly.

I took a few deep breaths and nodded. He helped me stand and took me into the house. I was directed to a chair to sit in at the kitchen table and waited for the tea. I whimpered a little and said, "She makes me so anxious, Dad."

He stepped over to me and rubbed my back. "You really care for this girl, don't you, Shiloh?" he asked with a soft smile.

I nodded and whispered, "I love her." I lifted my hands to my face, only to see them shaking wildly.

My dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders and clasped my hands in his the keep them still. "If that may be, then I'm sure you'll make it through the evening without a panic attack. If you love her, she should calm you, not make you anxious," he pointed out before walking away to pour the tea.

I sighed. He was right. Jade was just such a complicated person. I didn't want to risk doing anything that may offend her. I wrapped my arms around my body and could feel it trembling. I hated feeling like this. I felt so weak and powerless whenever my anxiety spiked up. All optimism faded away and all I could think of was what could go wrong.

He came back to the table shortly and placed both mugs of hot chamomile tea on it before taking a seat next to me. He cleared his throat and stated, "I'm concerned, Shiloh. You're mother is, too. She found something else while going through your room." He stood up and exited the room briefly.

I was left with my tea, anxiety growing. What could she have found that would cause them to feel concerned?

He reentered the room with something in his hand. He placed the object onto the table, and I soon recognized it to be the triangular razor blade, still stained with my blood. I stared at it and looked back up at him, fear taking over me.

He sighed and asked, "May I have an explanation?"

I jerked my head away, refusing to look at the blade. I took a sip of my tea, not realizing how thirsty I was. My hands were shaking too much, and I had to put the mug down. I sighed and whispered, "It was only once. It was a mistake that will never happen again."

He nodded and said, "It better not. If it does, you're going back into therapy-"

"No!" I screamed, cutting him off. I folded my hands in my lap and between my knees to keep them still. "I'm fine. I will be, at least. Please don't make me go back to therapy. Please," I begged him, eyes watering.

He frowned and said, "Well, to make sure, I'm going to temporarily remove that cabinet from your room, just in case you're tempted. Just remember our agreement. I took you to get your medical card only so that you wouldn't have to do this anymore, Shiloh. I don't want to have to worry about you doing these things. And if Jade's the reason-"

"Stop!" I shouted, interrupting him again. "Jade's nothing like Alex, Dad. Please, don't blame her. I lost control, okay? I didn't realize what I was doing until it was done, okay?" Tears were rolling down my cheeks now.

My dad scratched his chin and sighed before pulling me into a hug and letting me unleash my emotions. He rubbed my back gently and shushed my whimpers. It was soothing, that I was thankful for. I could only hope this wave of anxiety would pass before tonight.


	22. The Date

**AN: Here is chapter 22! It's a little shorter than the previous few chapters, but deal with it.  
**

**Disclaimer: (I know, I've forgotten to put this here lately. Please don't sue me, Dan) I do not own Victorious, but if I did, I would continue the series after its ending on Nick and bring it over to FX. Why FX? Because that's the least censored cable TV station I could think of.  
**

* * *

**Jade's POV**

I ran down the stairs and into the living room where my mother was waiting to check out what I decided to wear for my date. It was 5:30 PM and I was on my third outfit choice. I had on black lace tights and a long sleeved, black mesh shirt underneath a tight, dark blue dress that hugged me curves perfectly. The skirt stopped two inches above my knees and the neckline dipped to show some skin, but not enough that my breasts were almost falling out. For shoes I chose a pair of black, three inch stilettos that were open toed. I had straightened my hair because Shiloh had once told me she liked it that way. The only make-up I had on was some black mascara and clear lip gloss to make my lips gleam and shimmer. I looked over to my mother and nervously asked, "How's this?"

She smiled and said, "Jade, just like the last two outfits, it looks fine." She shook her head and chuckled.

I sighed and complained, "I don't want to look just fine. I want to look absolutely perfect." I groaned and turned to march back upstairs.

My mother stood up and put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. "Jade, you look beautiful and I'm positive Shiloh will love whatever you choose to wear," She commented sincerely.

I rolled my eyes and muttered, "Fine, I won't change. Now let go of me so I can grab my purse." She did and I ran as quickly up the stairs as I could in my heels. I put my PearPhone, wallet, and keys in my monkey fur bag and rushed back downstairs to wait for Shiloh. I turned to my mother and asked, "You're positive this outfit is alright?" She nodded and I sat down in the chair across from her. The doorbell rang and I jumped out of the chair.

My mother waved a hand at me to sit back down and answered the door.

I growled at the sight of my father and Jack being at the door instead of Shiloh and sat back down.

Jack ran inside and upstairs to his bedroom. My father, however, noticed how dressed up I was and poked his head inside the house. He raised an eyebrow and stated emotionlessly, "Jade, you look nice. You'd look even better if you took that jewelry out of your face and dyed your hair back to brown."

I glared at him and my mother growled through clenched teeth, "Goodbye, James."

He huffed and pulled his head out of the doorway. Unfortunately, the second he turned around to walk back to his car, Shiloh pulled up in her Mustang. My father pointed to the car and asked, "And who is this pulling up?" He turned to face me and my mother.

I stood and speed walked out the front door, ignoring him. He caught hold of my arm the second I walked passed him. I turned to him and snapped, "Let go of me!" I bared my teeth at him.

I then heard a car door close. We both turned to face the Mustang to see Shiloh standing outside of it looking at us in concern. She stepped over and I finally got a good look at her in the light. She had her hair pulled up in a ponytail and was wearing black eyeliner, mascara, and red lipstick. She had on a black miniskirt, black knee-high boots, and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a black vest over it, and a red tie. The shirt wasn't buttoned all the way and the tie was hanging low the show what little cleavage she had. She looked beautiful except for the anxious look on her face.

I tried yanking my arm away from his grip to leave, but he tightened his grasp.

"James, let go of her," My mother growled viciously, stepping outside prepared to come between us.

He did and I almost fell backwards. Lucky for me, Shiloh ran over and caught me by the shoulders. She helped me stand up straight and looked me up and down to make sure I was okay.

My father glared at her and inquired, "And who are you?"

Shiloh's eyes grew wide and she took a step back submissively.

I took her hand in mine, and with a smirk I stated, "This is my girlfriend, Dad." To make my point, I kissed her right in front of him.

The look on his face was priceless. His eyes were wide and his jaw was hanging in shock. His eyebrows pulled together and his face began turning red with fury. I knew he'd be pissed, considering he hated me and everything I did and was a huge conservative.

I smiled and waved goodbye to my mother before dragging Shiloh to her car. We both quickly climbed in and she drove off. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'm sorry about him," I told her.

She swallowed and said, "It's alright." She glanced at me and smiled weakly. "You look stunning. Absolutely gorgeous," she complimented before turning to look at the road in front of us.

I smiled and said, "You look great yourself."

She groaned, "Are you kidding me? I'm so underdressed compared to you. This was the closest to semi-formal as I could get." Her fingers gripped tightly to the steering wheel.

I frowned and pointed out, "Shiloh, you look great. I promise. I wouldn't want you going out of your way to change your style to look good for me. What you're wearing suits you and looks wonderful."

She relaxed a little and smiled at me before turning on the radio. Florence + the Machine was playing. She smirked and said, "I had to pick up this CD after dropping you off considering how well you sang 'The Drumming Song.'"

I smiled softly back at her. It then hit me that I had no idea where Shiloh was taking me. I looked around and asked, "Shiloh, where are going?"

She grinned and said, "Maestro's."

I almost choked. Maestro's was the fancy restaurant everyone in the gang would go to after "winning" a supposed trophy for ping pong. I cleared my throat and pointed out, "Um, you do know it costs about a bill per person there, right?"

She nodded and said, "I know. Earlier I called Cat to find out what was the most expensive restaurant so I could take you out to dinner there. Don't worry, though, this is a one time thing. There is no way in hell that I could afford to spoil you regularly." She chuckled.

I sighed and commented, "You don't have to now."

"That's where you're wrong. I do. You look too good to take just anywhere," she stated, eying me up and down before pulling into the parking lot. "We're here." Once parked, Shiloh turned off the car, put the keys in her breast pocket, and quickly ran to my side of the car to open the door for me.

I just stared at her and asked, "Are you being for real?"

She nodded and said, "Only the best for you." She held a hand out and I took it, letting her help me exit the vehicle.

I shook my head. "You're crazy," I remarked.

She only smiled wider and whispered in my ear, "And you're beautiful."

I could feel goosebumps on the back of my neck and my face heating up. I squeezed her hand and smiled warmly at her.

When we entered the restaurant, everyone glanced at us and gave weird looks. It was probably because we were still holding hands, or because Shiloh wasn't as dressy as everyone else there. Still, at least she wasn't wearing something stupid like a ping pong uniform.

We approached the hostess and she smiled awkwardly at us. Shiloh held up two fingers and said, "Reservation for Hawthorne, party of two." The hostess nodded, picked up two menus, and led us to a booth in the far corner of the restaurant. The booth was in the darkest part of the restaurant. We took our seats and the hostess left.

A waitress came by and smiled politely at us before asking, "May I start you two off with beverages?"

I nodded and requested, "Unsweetened ice tea."

Shiloh hummed and said, "I'll just have water."

The waitress wrote down our orders and left us to view the menus.

I looked at Shiloh instead. "Is this a coincidence, or did you request a booth in the darkest part of the restaurant?" I inquired while opening my menu.

Shiloh smirked and said, "I know how much you don't like attention from strangers and how much you love the dark."

I smiled softly at her. She really was trying her best to make everything as wonderful and perfect as she could. I couldn't find the words to tell her that everything was perfect just because she was sitting across from me.

* * *

"You could have at least let me pay for desert," I growled as we walked back to Shiloh's car.

She chuckled and unlocked the passenger door, holding it open for me.

I groaned. "I appreciate all that you're doing, and trust me it was lovely in the beginning, but now it's just getting annoying," I complained, refusing to get in the car. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and glared at her.

Her smile fell and fear spread across her face. She looked scared and lost now. Slowly, she shut the door and took a few steps away from me, taking deep breaths as she did so.

I cautiously stepped towards her. "Shiloh, are you okay?" I asked tentatively.

She turned her back to me and hugged her arms before nodding.

"You don't look okay," I said dryly. I placed a hand on her shoulder and she flinched. I yanked my hand back like it had just been burned.

Shiloh composed herself after another deep breath. She faced me again with a grin planted on her face. "I'm fine, Jade. It's just, I was so anxious. I wanted everything to be perfect. But you don't seem happy anymore," she commented in a hushed tone, as if she had something caught in her throat.

I brushed her bangs behind her left ear and let my hand rest on her cheek. "Shiloh, everything about tonight was perfect, I promise you," I said with a warm smile before kissing her softly on the lips.

It took her a few seconds to respond, but when she did it was with much greater force and passion than when we were in Tori's bathroom. And it made me crave her that much more.

I slipped my hand around to the back of her head and pulled her as close to me as I could. Something just felt so right about kissing Shiloh. Shock waves went through me every time she touched my skin, and kissing her sent off fireworks. Not once did I feel this much passion when I kissed Beck.

Shiloh yanked away from my grip and gasped for air. She stared at me and joked, "Are you sure you aren't trying to suffocate me or something?" She let out a nervous laugh.

I only smirked at her and kissed her again, this time short and sweet.

That was when we were alarmed by the headlights of a pick-up truck shining at us. The vehicle parks and the lights shut off. It was too dark to make out anything other than a man getting out of it. Walking toward us, I finally noticed who it was. It was Beck.

* * *

**AN: Dun dun dun. What is Beck doing there? And how did he know Shiloh and Jade were there in the first place? Find out in the next installment of Ego Brain!  
PS, review, you know you want to.  
**


	23. Man Made Shame

**AN: Here's chapter 23. It's starting off a few hours before Beck shows up, just so you guys can know how the hell he knew where our girls were. Warning, the story will be coming to an end soon. I'm unsure of how many chapters will be left, but I can assure you it won't have a lame ending. Now enough of my rambling, it is time for you to read and review. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. I do own a coffee maker, though, and it is the only reason I am able to right so often. **

* * *

**Beck's POV **_4 hours ago_

_I rang the doorbell and knocked on the door to Tori's house frantically. I needed to talk to her. When I woke up, I had the idea to get her to help me. Last time Jade and I broke up, Tori went out of her way to help Jade and they weren't even friends. Tori was one of my best friends so why shouldn't she help me? _

_She answered the door and smiled. "Hey, Beck, come in," she said, stepping out of the doorway._

_Cat waved to me from the couch. She then looked back down at her phone and started texting._

_I closed the door behind me and said, "Tori, you've got to help me."  
_

_She looked at me with concern and asked, "With what? Is everything okay?"_

_I sighed and started pacing. I ran a hand through my hair and groaned, "No, everything's not."_

_Cat looked up at me momentarily with a curious look before turning her attention to a text message she received._

_Tori frowned and asked, "What's going on then, Beck? I've never seen you like this." She sat down in a chair by the table and I joined her._

_I sighed again and started, "Do you remember last year when Jade and I broke up and you helped us get back together? I need you to do that again." I gave her a pleading look. "If anyone can help me, I know it's you, Tori."_

_She looked away and laid her hands flat on the table. "Okay, here's the thing, I can't," she stated nervously._

_I stood up, almost knocking over the chair I was sitting in. "Why not? You helped Jade when she wasn't even your friend! I'm one of your best friends, Tori, and you can't help me?" I growled. I took a deep breath, all too aware that I lost my cool. _

_She stood up and walked towards me cautiously. She sighed and explained, "It's not that I don't want to help you, Beck. I just can't. There's nothing I can do that could make Jade take you back, especially now." She avoided making eye contact with me._

_I stared at Tori then turned to look at Cat who was watching us now. I faced Tori again and questioned, "Because of Shiloh, right?"_

_She nodded weakly. _

_I looked over at Cat now, who was sinking in her seat. This was her fault! She'd been trying to get them together ever since she figured out Shiloh liked Jade. But I couldn't take my anger out on Cat. She was too sweet for that. And she'd probably just overreact and cry to Jade. "Cat," I said as calmly as I could._

_She smiled, waved, and in her happy voice said, "Hiiii." _

_I smiled and asked, "Do you know where I can find Jade?" _

_She nodded and blurted, "Oh yeah, Shiloh's taking her to a fancy dinner tonight at six." She looked passed me and at Tori, then frowned._

_I faced Tori who was trying too hard to act casual. I shook my head at her and turned back to Cat. "Where?" I asked firmly._

_Cat grinned widely, giggled, and said, "She's taking Jade to Maestro's." She nodded her head._

_Tori and I both stared at her wide eyed. The only way any of us, aside from Cat who went with her parents, could afford that place was with the ping-pong money. And Shiloh was taking Jade there on a date? She was trying way too hard to impress her. I nodded my head at Cat, waved at the two girls, and exited the house. Now that I knew where they would be, all I needed was to devise a plan to get Jade back._

* * *

_**Present**_

I sniffed and rubbed my nose a little. A friend of mine wanted to help me out just in case I changed my mind and backed out. He hooked me up with a couple of free bumps of cocaine to make sure I was confident and wouldn't back down. It was my first time, and I could understand the appeal. I felt more than confident. I felt invincible, almost godlike. Hell, I was a God. I just needed to make Jade see that.

And speaking of Jade, she and Shiloh seemed pretty startled to see me. Neither had their guard up though, and that was a mistake.

I smirked and said, "Good evening, ladies. What brings you here?" I held out my hands and gestured around us.

They both looked at each other cautiously. Shiloh opened her mouth to speak, but Jade stepped in front of her. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared me down. "I was about to ask you that same thing," she commented toughly.

I grinned and explained, "Cat told me where I could find you. You've been ignoring my phone calls and texts. I was worried about you, Jade." I took a step closer and she and Shiloh took on back.

Shiloh walked around Jade and stood beside her. "Beck, are you okay? You don't seem like yourself," she pointed out, folding her hands over each other nervously and rubbing them together. She seemed to be severely anxious. I warned her about how Jade could make people feel.

I cocked my head to the side in question. I clapped my hands together, nodded, and claimed, "I've never been better, Shiloh. I feel wonderful!" I raised my hands in the air for emphasis. I sniffed again.

Shiloh took a step back and rested a wary hand on Jade's elbow.

Jade took a step forward, causing Shiloh's hand to fall. She eyed me up and down with her piercing and beautiful eyes. They always looked so beautiful when she was angry or annoyed. "You have some sort of motive here, Beck. I can see it in your eyes, and hear it in your voice. Why are you really here?" she growled, sizing me up as if she could take me in a fight, especially in what she was wearing.

I looked at her and frowned. I glared at Shiloh and snarled. I rubbed my nose, smiled at Jade, and said, "I rather we discuss that matter in private." I tucked my hands casually into my jean pockets.

Her glared became more intense and she seethed, "Not going to happen, Oliver."

I smiled softly and begged, "Jade, please." I reached a hand out to touch her shoulder, but she backed up causing my hand to drop.

She looked at me carefully, analyzing me. Her eyes widened as she stared at my face. "Beck, the powder under your nostrils, have you been snorting coke?" she shouted angrily before taking another step back.

Shiloh stepped forward to stand next to Jade and analyze me as well. She gasped when she noticed the traces of white powder still lingering underneath my nose.

I took a deep breath and said, "Okay, you got me. I'm not here because I needed to talk to you about the other night, Jade. I'm here to take you back. We can be boyfriend and girlfriend again, isn't that great!"

She gasped in disgust and stared at me like I was insane.

Shiloh growled at me and said, "Beck, that's not going to happen. She's with me now." She took a confident step towards me. Bad idea.

I pulled out a revolver from my pocket, grabbed Shiloh by the hair, and held the barrel to her temple.

She winced as the cold metal touched her skin.

Jade was frozen in shock. She definitely didn't see that coming. She came to her senses and shouted, "Beck, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I growled and explained, "Getting rid of the problem. With Shiloh out of the picture, there will be no one to stand between us, Jade." I knotted Shiloh's hair in my fist and pulled her back. I kicked her in the back of the knee, causing her to drop on both. I still held the gun to her head.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Jade cried out in fear. Her eyes were shifting back and forth between Shiloh and me. She didn't know what to do, and honestly, what could she do to stop me?

Shiloh was trembling beneath my grip. I yanked harder on her hair and she whimpered.

"Stop shaking!" I demanded.

Her breath hitched and I could hear her crying now, trying hard to stop shaking.

Jade snarled, "What makes you think I'd take you back if you killed my girlfriend, Beck? If anything, I'd kill you in your sleep with a rusty pair of scissors and make it look like an accident." She was trying her hardest to be brave, but she couldn't hide how afraid she was to lose Shiloh.

I glared at her. "What's so great about Shiloh? What makes her better than me? I treated you like a queen! I could have dated any girl in the world, I still can, but I chose and still choose you! I'm a musician and an actor, like you. I could even be a model if I wanted. I'm everything any woman could want in a man, but I don't want just any woman. The only one I want, the only one I ever truly wanted, is you, Jade." I was hysterical. My eyes watered but I started laughing, pressing the gun harder against Shiloh's head just to hear her whimper.

Jade seemed taken aback by all that I said. She looked deep in thought, probably thinking about how lucky she is and how right I am. If she acted soon, maybe I wouldn't have to kill Shiloh. Maybe she could just skip town and we could go back to how things were before she ever showed up and before Jade and I ever broke up. After the passing of what felt like hours, Jade sighed and rubbed her temples. "Beck, you are the most egotistical asshole I have ever met. I was never attracted to you because other girls were. In fact, I hated that! But maybe you're right, maybe you are 'everything any woman could want in a man.' Newsflash! I don't want a man! I want a girl! And not just any girl, I want Shiloh. And no matter what you do, that isn't going to change!" She roared at me, glancing sadly at Shiloh.

I howled in anger and threw Shiloh onto the pavement of the parking lot. I pointed my gun at Jade before she could run to Shiloh's aid. With my free hand I wiped away a falling tear. "Then explain the other night, Jade. Explain it!" I hollered at her.

She threw he arms in the air in frustration and groaned, "I was wasted, Beck!"

I shook my head. "No you weren't. You were too pissed to let yourself get that out of controlled. When we got back to the RV, I slipped something in your drink. I though if I could get you to agree to have sex with me, you'd come to your senses and realize you aren't attracted to girls. You'd realize you're straight!" I explained gruffly.

A mixture of shock and pure fury flashed across her face. She had never seemed so angry before in her life. It was kind of a turn on. "You. Drugged. Me?" She asked, carefully.

I nodded curtly and hissed. "Yes and it would've worked, too, if only you remembered how great and passionate that night was." I smirked and started laughing uncontrollably. That was when something tripped me, or someone. I lost my ground and landed flat on my back on the concrete.

Shiloh scrambled back to her feet and ran over to Jade. They both took off towards her car.

Before they could make it, I aimed my gun and pulled the trigger, not knowing who I hit or where. All I knew was someone screamed in pain and there was the sound of blood splattering on the ground.

* * *

**AN: le gasp! Who do you think got shot? I know who it was, but you'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out :)**


	24. Love Prevails Over All

**AN: Sorry for the wait. I've been spending most of my time getting used to my new environment and meeting new people. Do not worry, this is not the end just yet. Enjoy the chapter, R&R, etc. You know what to do.**

**Disclaimer: Victorious ne m'appartient pas.**

* * *

**Shiloh's POV**

I was sitting in the hospital waiting room with Tori, Cat, André, and even Robbie. I had just gotten off the phone with Jade's mom and told her what happened. When Beck fired the gun, the bullet hit Jade in the back of the knee and went through her knee-cap. Her head collided with the pavement, and the doctors said she was concussed. The gunshot was heard from inside the restaurant and the owner called 911 while I made sure Beck didn't get away. All I really had to do was restrain him with the help of the restaurant's security. He was crying like a baby, swearing he never meant to hurt Jade. He even had the audacity to scream how much he loved her as he was placed in the back of a police car.

I was now sitting away from everyone else in the waiting room. I had a few bandages here and there because of Beck throwing me onto the ground. No one wanted to sit next to me. They all stared at me with a mixture of sympathy and fear. I didn't blame them. I was pissed. I wanted to rip Beck to shreds. I didn't give a fuck if it was the cocaine making him act that way. He was supposed to be my friend and Jade's too. After all the shit he put her through, that egotistical son of a mother fucking bitch had the nerve to believe he deserved her back?

I was shaking with anger now, hugging tightly to my bandaged elbows. A nurse walked by and said, "Sweetheart, you need to calm down before you reopen your wounds. I can promise you your friend will be okay and that good for nothing punk is going to get what he deserves." The older woman smiled softly and reassuringly at me before walking back to her post behind the counter.

I turned to face my friends and they all flinched. I growled, stood up abruptly, and stormed out of the hospital. The second I walked out of the doors to the ER, IU walked right into Jade's father.

He glared at me and grabbed my by the tie. "You. This is entirely your fault! If she wasn't with you, this wouldn't have happened. You should've been the one to get shot!" He roared, yanking me closer to him and growling in my face.

And he was right. If I hadn't taken Jade out tonight, this wouldn't have happened. And Beck didn't want to hurt her. He had the gun aimed at me and had tried to shoot me. Jade was in a hospital bed with a shattered knee-cap and concussion because of me. I was the worst friend and the worst girlfriend in the world.

I looked at him in his cold, blue eyes, eyes too similar to his wonderful daughter's. It hurt. I looked away and nodded. "You're right. This is my fault. It should be me in that hospital bed, not Jade," I whispered.

His eyes widened and he stepped back, still holding the tie and pulling me with him on accident. He probably expected me to fight him. He was shocked I agreed.

I slipped out of the tie and walked around him, leaving him standing there with my tie in his hands and a shocked look on his face. I pulled out my phone and called Andy.

"Yo yo, High and Low, how's my favorite evil little punk rocker this evening?" he asked in a chipper tone.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "I'm not good at all, Andy. Could you take a ride to the hospital nearest to the school?" I asked politely, taking a deep breath.

"What happened, Shiloh?" he asked in a concerned voice.

I let loose my breath and said, "I'll explain to you when you get here."

"Okay," he muttered before hanging up.

I paced around the parking lot, waiting for Andy to show up. I saw headlights, but didn't recognize the vehicle to be Andy's. Instead it was Jade's mother pulling up with Jack in the car with her. I sighed and stood where I was, hugging my arms to keep them still.

They both exited the vehicle and ran towards me. Susan grabbed my shoulders and looked me up and down.

I frowned and said, "They won't allow visitors but they may make an exception for her parents. James is already in there. The rest of us were just sitting anxiously in the waiting room."

She nodded her head and directed Jack and herself inside the ER.

I sat down on the curb and waited for Andy. When he pulled up, he parked near to me and honked the horn, alerting me to enter his car. I did and he turned it off after I closed the door. He looked my up and down and took my arms to better assess the bandages.

I pulled them away shakily and took a few deep breaths. Without waiting for him to ask, I explained to him everything that happened, starting with the almost panic attack from earlier today to the events that led us to this hospital.

Once I finished explaining, Andy pulled a joint from behind his ear and offered it to me. I shook my head and denied it. He put it away and pulled me into a hug. "This isn't your fault, Shiloh. You didn't give him the drugs, you didn't give him the gun, you did nothing wrong," he said comfortingly.

I nodded and choked on a sob. I swallowed it down and took another deep breath. I leaned into him and whispered, "She probably won't want anything to do with me after this, though."

Andy pulled away and looked at me like I was crazy. "What the fuck are you talking about? From what you told me, that was a pretty fantastic date before pretty boy came and ruined everything," he scoffed.

I nodded and looked out of my window and at the doors to the ER. "I wish they'd let me see her," I commented sadly.

Andy smiled softly and ran a hand through my hair. "You really love that hateful actress, don't you?" he asked, tilting my face to look at him.

I nodded my head. "I really do. She's everything and anything I could ask for, hope for, and dream of. She's the muse who fuels my writing. She's the siren whose song fills my head. She's perfect, absolutely perfect, Andy," I explained with a heavy sigh.

He patted my shoulder and stepped out of the car. I followed him and we made our way back into the waiting room of the ER. Jade's parents weren't anywhere to be found so I figured they were with her. Cat and Robbie were entertaining Jack. Andy made his way to Tori in order to flirt I figured. I just took a seat and relaxed.

"There you are," I heard someone say from behind me. I turned around to see André holding up two cups of coffee and smiling at me. "I got you some coffee," he stated, handing me the cup and taking a seat next to me.

I smiled weakly and took a sip. It wasn't very good, but hospital coffee never was.

He put a hand on my knee and said, "Don't worry, Shiloh. Jade's going to be perfectly fine, understand? She's not too badly hurt and she's a fighter. She'll be back on her feet in no time." He flashed a toothy grin before sipping his coffee. He swallowed and made a face. "This taste horrible! Why don't I go pick us up some real coffee from Jet Brew? I'll be back," he commented before exiting the ER.

The nurse entered the room with Jade's parents and a smile on her face. "Okay, Jade's condition is stable and she's awake, but you all can only visit her one person at a time. Who wants to go first?" she asked, searching the room.

"Shiloh, you should go first," Cat suggested seriously. The others nodded along with her. James grunted and scoffed at the idea and Susan escorted him to a seat next to Jack, Robbie, and Cat.

I took a deep breath and almost ran to Jade's room. When I got there I stared at the door, afraid and anxious to open it. I took one last giant breath and turned the knob. I poked my head in the room and smiled when I saw Jade angrily pressing buttons on her bed to adjust it. She seemed to be trying to shift her hurt leg higher, the other one hanging off the edge of the bed. Not surprising, she was wearing black scrubs with the pants cut into shorts instead of a hospital gown.

I grabbed two extra pillows that were by the closet and slid them under her hurt knee for elevation. My fingers traced around the splint and bandages coving her knee. I turned to face her and caught her staring at my fingers as they did their tracing, no longer seeming frustrated. I smirked upon seeing her head no longer bandaged. That meant the concussion wasn't too bad. I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

That got her attention. Jade was now smiling sadly at me. She sighed and hugged my tightly. "I thought I was going to lose you," she croaked, hiding her face in the crook of my neck.

I chuckled and gently combed my fingers through her black mane. "I should've gotten in the way. I should've been the one to get shot, not you," I muttered. I sniffled a bit and fought the tears back.

Jade pulled back and frowned. "Don't think like that, Shiloh. Hell, if I was just honest about how I felt like you in the first place, and we didn't have to play the games we played, maybe none of this would have happened," she pointed out. She smirked and placed a warm hand on my check, pulling me into a soft, short kiss. She frowned again and dropped her hand.

I took it in mine and started at her worriedly. "Jade, what's wrong?" I asked. I searched her endless diamond like eyes.

She shook her head and laughed dryly. "Nothing is wrong," she stated.

I sat down on the edge of her bed and frowned at her. "I don't believe you," I commented.

She scoffed, "I thought you trusted me."

"I do. I just don't believe you when you tell me nothing is wrong."

Jade sighed and smiled softly. "Nothing is wrong because everything is right," she stated like it was obvious.

I stared at her blankly. "Right? Jade, you're in a hospital bed with a shattered knee-cap! You were technically date raped by your ex-boyfriend! You're ex-boyfriend almost killed us! How is everything right?" I was standing now, looking at her like she was insane.

Jade grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to her. She explained, "Everything is right because we're alive and he's in jail. Everything is right because I will heal. Everything is right because there is nothing standing between us anymore, Shiloh." She cupped my face and kissed me hard. She pulled away and stared into my eyes. "I love you."

I stared at her. "Did you just say what I think you said?" I asked, flabbergasted.

Fear and shock took over her face, as if she wasn't even aware herself of what she had just said. Her hands fell and she looked down. "I guess I did," she mumbled. She faced me again and put on her typical confident look. She smirked and said, "And I believe that I meant what I said."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "Jade," I whispered, "I love you, too." I took hold of her face and pulled her into a passionate kiss, for I could never have been happier than I was at this moment.


End file.
